tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21039791555132855692024-03-05T22:18:16.078+00:00Angel of HarlowIt's not really about anythingAngel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-30988196330524334032016-11-28T11:55:00.002+00:002016-11-28T11:55:49.184+00:00X Factor - Louis Loves <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's Louis Loves this week. Which as themes go is as good as any other. Let's face it. They could have Sex Pistols week and Matt would put some weird falsetto in and Emily would sit on the floor and sing it like a John Lewis advert. It's now down to the quarter finals which means that each act has to show their astonishing range by singing two songs. One that 'Louis loves' and one they've chosen themselves. Time for an evening of Westlife and Agadoo. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dermot comes on stage to 'YMCA'. Louis is gay in case you haven't picked up on the subtle references to it and being gay is the funniest thing in the world. Louis then Riverdances around and a dancer stacks it. Louis has never had so much fun. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSA2kz8cy4Hbg5uWY3FO15TooUykJGR4bUyyoW1eGAKdUiQNBGo3PWAtH9MsDrk0ILbVfuIa-dwM3kjhjqFJk_fcR4BSlhZf8ybqqrsBuyW3E69P-r2ByIicPQsMW5f1t5VZwpeK8Hzos/s1600/Secret+love+song.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSA2kz8cy4Hbg5uWY3FO15TooUykJGR4bUyyoW1eGAKdUiQNBGo3PWAtH9MsDrk0ILbVfuIa-dwM3kjhjqFJk_fcR4BSlhZf8ybqqrsBuyW3E69P-r2ByIicPQsMW5f1t5VZwpeK8Hzos/s320/Secret+love+song.PNG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First up is Matt. He had a good week last week so he's really feeling the pressure. It's unclear where you have to come in the competition to not do a VT about how you are feeling the pressure. His old singing teacher comes to visit. They met when Matt was living in Spain. They clearly lived on some kind of Eldorado complex as she is American and he is English. Ahhh Brexit. Matt is going to sing 'Secret Love Song' by Little Mix as his Louis loves song. You know, Louis Walsh. Who constantly bangs on about how much he hates girl groups. Loves. Matt is doing that weird thing again where he gives weird sideways glances all over the stage. It's like something has gone wrong and he's trying to attract attention without stopping the performance. The voice may be saying 'Why can't I hold you in the street, why can't I kiss you on the dance floor' but the eyes are trying to tell an usher that some child has thrown up in the front row. The song is very quiet and boring until he goes bananas near the end. He does a 'sexy' look in to the camera at the end. My ovaries retracted and are now somewhere near my throat. Louis loved it. Sharon's excited to hear what kind of record he'll make. I think 'World's longest fingernails' or some kind of competitive eating. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOOQBQPn_p1-xEe9Lo-2Qu_lWNCPFc6JD3OJNiqPXYLcwgwq7fWn73yQsb16tj006CSU2xaVi8619fhzlzM6f2A1l64SKQAHUtjR1pELASOQY7UAUACL0f6cpRPPl4ECm1yCrWrLz2H7w/s1600/Saara+hat.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOOQBQPn_p1-xEe9Lo-2Qu_lWNCPFc6JD3OJNiqPXYLcwgwq7fWn73yQsb16tj006CSU2xaVi8619fhzlzM6f2A1l64SKQAHUtjR1pELASOQY7UAUACL0f6cpRPPl4ECm1yCrWrLz2H7w/s1600/Saara+hat.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Saara. In her VT I thought Saara was being made to wear wacky costumes again. They're actually her every day clothes. She's singing 'The Winner Takes it All' I am only able to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COJ1x7lVp84" target="_blank">sing this song in this </a> style thanks to Rosie Ribbons. So the only way is up. She's wearing a Wonder Woman headress and a wicker basket on her head for some reason. Louis will love that. She's plonging away on a piano so we are going to be saved any detours in to disco. Ignore the headress and it's actually good. Judges love it and damn it so do I. Louis thinks it's good because she's Scandinavian and so can automatically sing Abba. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SUlORARi2-sydjaWShz5B4FAn9IK04BvpSCJGy8gD6yOxsPdIyaRAJ4sGAt6bbmmE0sFDHSgwFJXS0JxBbeSiBixiH4ROWynhLakOP1R3DXTODUPfWnO8aCJNhu5keWlsUOQziTmtwg/s1600/Honey+G+and+Mum.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SUlORARi2-sydjaWShz5B4FAn9IK04BvpSCJGy8gD6yOxsPdIyaRAJ4sGAt6bbmmE0sFDHSgwFJXS0JxBbeSiBixiH4ROWynhLakOP1R3DXTODUPfWnO8aCJNhu5keWlsUOQziTmtwg/s1600/Honey+G+and+Mum.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh grief. Honey G. She was in the bottom two last week, only saved by Ryan finally going. She goes back to her Mum's this week to recover and her mum manages to get a sensible conversation out of her. She then plays 'You Can't Touch This' on a piano whilst Honey raps along. They must be a double act. Although I dream of the day my own mother says to me 'It's always been your dream to be a credible rap artist.' And may I draw your attention to the photo on the sideboard. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The performance is as awful as you would think. She dances like a mascot at a theme park. As the judges give comments some pranksters invade the stage and Simon of all people goes to deal with them. I think Sharon would be more use. The rest of the comments are just people chanting 'Honey G'. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxW3RKzjYgj73dgL1Q2Hn7FMLJ4k4yjL20Bh_AvPehN98AHiKKr9t9-9z9eerKn1I8YCrunmERft9KfKY8qd6n6EsWLog3DOTAqdocZIZPwgIe_AWMWXreMbyn3JUwdIqQOXq9sAnOEmM/s1600/Uptown+funk.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxW3RKzjYgj73dgL1Q2Hn7FMLJ4k4yjL20Bh_AvPehN98AHiKKr9t9-9z9eerKn1I8YCrunmERft9KfKY8qd6n6EsWLog3DOTAqdocZIZPwgIe_AWMWXreMbyn3JUwdIqQOXq9sAnOEmM/s1600/Uptown+funk.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ugh. Five After Midnight. They went to a red carpet event this week. No mention of what it was for. My guess it was for a new carpet warehouse and they were trying out the samples. They're singing 'Uptown Funk'. One of them has the foulest, pubey beard. It's quite off putting. I am watching tonight's episode whilst I babysit my nieces and nephews. Before I arrived I was warned about my youngest nephews hair. He dislikes having his hair cut and so had got off the chair mid cut. Therefore his hair consists of one side shaved quite close. One side sort of shaved quite close and a bald bit from where he leaped. The top is long and he got his hands on a pot of gel and put the whole lot in his fringe. My niece observes that all of Five After Midnight's hair looks worse than that. The judges love it. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhTARDdi1dxMUvj20Wczm3LyJJyOLDVKCbhjeUFsILFklzSSjk5T7SR4H_OxbD9wv-mdguW0fTP1trppOwZpCyoDLgOoFCR1KNNFLB3BRWD4rH1F3VO_w7Lt8k88ueHOMT6D2HjImxnSc/s1600/Emily+toxix.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhTARDdi1dxMUvj20Wczm3LyJJyOLDVKCbhjeUFsILFklzSSjk5T7SR4H_OxbD9wv-mdguW0fTP1trppOwZpCyoDLgOoFCR1KNNFLB3BRWD4rH1F3VO_w7Lt8k88ueHOMT6D2HjImxnSc/s1600/Emily+toxix.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Emily. She is sad that Ryan (her boyfriend) went home last week. So I'd imagine her song choice will be rocking. Her VT consists of the two of them saying their tearful goodbyes and wondering when they'll see each other again. The competition ends in a fortnight. She's singing 'Toxic' this week. Don't get excited. She's singing it on a ukulele. It's a little bit more upbeat than her usual fair but I'm not sure you could call it a new style. It's a bit Norah Jones. It sounds like something you would use on an advert to sell bowel inducing yoghurt in a quirky or fun way. Imagine a woman looking unhappy. She then eats a yoghurt to the sound of Emily's song. Cut to her skipping out of a toilet. Louis points out that she still hasn't moved and he wants her to dance. Sharon thought it was edgy. Yeah. Edgy like a globe. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Matt again. Remember their second song is their own choice. He is singing 'Alive' by Sia. He watches a focus group critique him. Someone wants him to sing in a deeper voice and who'd thunk it, that's just what he's doing in this song. It's good and he got some squats in . His is not a natural stage presence. A little too measured. In the theme of Louis Loves; He reminds me of a young Michael McIntyre. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Five After Midnight also watch their focus group. No one mentions their terrible hair so it lives another day. They are singing 'Sorry' and they should apologise for their backing dances trousers which are horrible. So horrible that no pictures exist. Technically this is good. I still don't like them. Simon didn't think it works but it's still one of their strongest weeks. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYLp_5Z_B7yp25D_MczHm3TwPBvf5Tc_IsYLSNu3Iazteo7ZDvDKsSci10VrLBCiYw1764puSN-wsWN1VfmvUfQRXPrn0zyW_qhdAVsPj7N5S6SR4UZY-_CU2Lwzibsq92dNfb7wa4Rik/s1600/Honey+G+mannequin.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYLp_5Z_B7yp25D_MczHm3TwPBvf5Tc_IsYLSNu3Iazteo7ZDvDKsSci10VrLBCiYw1764puSN-wsWN1VfmvUfQRXPrn0zyW_qhdAVsPj7N5S6SR4UZY-_CU2Lwzibsq92dNfb7wa4Rik/s1600/Honey+G+mannequin.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Honey G is going to do a mash up of 'Push it' and 'Black Beetle'. She watches her focus group and is annoyed that she is seen as an entertainer rather than a rapper. Quite right. There is nothing entertaining about her. Once again no one knows what a mash up is. She stops singing one song and starts singing another. Good staging though. They make everyone do the mannequin challenge. Only ruined by a womble bumbling through them rapping. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiUAJF3gC2QpJx9VhDUym8dOiPKI0XXbqIoo2gbF4yuvWAUlIlPIYrpBbZRME4WgpuUo9csXxPQAcuwlJvkEhKCFcY2OPmFp8S0_DYP5YznqkPzip0oLgtUoi9VxME2g3j6Z8uSoMY2cA/s1600/Simon+Seal.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiUAJF3gC2QpJx9VhDUym8dOiPKI0XXbqIoo2gbF4yuvWAUlIlPIYrpBbZRME4WgpuUo9csXxPQAcuwlJvkEhKCFcY2OPmFp8S0_DYP5YznqkPzip0oLgtUoi9VxME2g3j6Z8uSoMY2cA/s1600/Simon+Seal.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Emily is singing her own choice of the funeral march but she's going to make it her own by slowing it down. Some subtle product placement from Lenovo brings her to the decision that she is going to sing 'Human' by Rag 'n' Bone Man. She thinks it's a risk. It's certainly the most interesting thing she's done. She also dances. In the loosest, well tightest, sense of the word. We now know why Emily doesn't dance. It's fine. It's nice to see her doing anything else. Simon does the annoying clapping thing all through the comments again. Welcome back Simon Seal.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS6daKNWX3SollKHl7DgnVEsSNFIYdajzZ7-wnzk_9ggIN4cEF6mHoP7vEPrJmf-nVVShqQKPI91GXwB-bMmfU4uKen88VAMMlo7hRpAZFdJYp6ZWPIuZiRYY1EmvxJAD8W7yMMaQ0mMc/s1600/Saara+Diamonds.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS6daKNWX3SollKHl7DgnVEsSNFIYdajzZ7-wnzk_9ggIN4cEF6mHoP7vEPrJmf-nVVShqQKPI91GXwB-bMmfU4uKen88VAMMlo7hRpAZFdJYp6ZWPIuZiRYY1EmvxJAD8W7yMMaQ0mMc/s1600/Saara+Diamonds.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saara has chosen to sing 'Diamonds are Forever' and 'Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend'. She designed the stage too and the costumes. She's also built the sets and did the catering (herring for everyone). She's singing from a cloud dressed as an ice dancer. This is weird but I quite like it. She can perform (Matt). I bet Louis loved this. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My prediction: Honey G and Emily bottom 2. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was half right. It was Honey G and Five After Midnight. Honey G went. Finally. On the same night that Ed Balls left Strictly. I'm sure there's meaning in there somewhere. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-81340047777184674412016-11-21T14:01:00.004+00:002016-11-21T14:01:43.853+00:00X Factor - Movie Week <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's Movie Week. So another round of 'sing any song you like'. Remember Gummo? Sam went last week in what seemed like a weird set up so lets all assume that Ryan is going to be having a break down this week. Dermot comes on and dances and then the judges come out. I miss the days of insane judges outfits. Sharon and Nicole always look nice but not bizarre. Makes you wish for the days of Rita or Tulisa even a Nick. Which isn't something you hear often. </span><div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJdJYGgk6A3VLXOcXczKdYF5Ofj79jA7lX0KX-2OHFRjSj9mo__snBysrGeis4g1H0Me4wRNrxBkdrp3nfx4NGyq5eiyh73updpMDFXLUJTRFNgzFp3gcXkR9yWeCYQ3XYpVhqwGI058/s1600/Ryan+Jailhouse.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJdJYGgk6A3VLXOcXczKdYF5Ofj79jA7lX0KX-2OHFRjSj9mo__snBysrGeis4g1H0Me4wRNrxBkdrp3nfx4NGyq5eiyh73updpMDFXLUJTRFNgzFp3gcXkR9yWeCYQ3XYpVhqwGI058/s1600/Ryan+Jailhouse.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ryan is singing first. He calls himself the Comeback Kid. Cool nickname Ryan. He's going to sing 'Jailhouse Rock'. So he goes to the gym with Matt where he burns 2000 calories. It turns out that this is over the course of a week so I stop googling his workout routine. This performance is very Pontins. It's fine but I don't believe this competition is about producing a second rate Elvis impersonator. Bye Ryan. I feel quite sorry for him. He can sing but they have no idea what to do with him and he's not that sure himself. Louis gives the helpful comment that 'Matt is always going to be better than you.' Constructive. Simon makes a jibe about Louis being gay. Which is as hysterical as it's been for the last ten years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Five After Midnight. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In their VT they go to Jordan's house to meet his family 'for the first time as a band'. Later I am going to my family's house to meet my parents for the first time wearing a pink hat on a Sunday. Special times. His brother is really milking his brother being on X Factor. His brother will go far (further than Five After Midnight). They're singing 'Try a Little Tenderness'. My goodness this is a shitstorm. It's like that brief moment in the early 2000s when cartoons were made in to full length films and it was compulsory for them to have a rap song in them. This is how Coolio ended up going from Gangsters Paradise to the Rugrats Movie. Sharon and Nicole loved it. Simon says it wasn't great. I love Simon. Louis says he's wrong because the audience liked it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Saara. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She gets a video message from her family in Finland. They seem very sweet. I think her Grandfather may be Santa. She's going to sing 'My Heart will go on' Singing it whilst dressed as Kate Bush. Loads of people are playing violins laying down. I think it's meant to be arty. Oh and here's the wind machine. It's fine but the song is a bit done. There's nothing you can do with it except belt it out and even if you're dressed as a Victorian ghost it still sounds the same. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyVgzfWX1eo5dp_BHR_-4oGNryudYhlCjU_xAi9sGDcXT3UI9CTGGeN0qjmCeabgKdzBVCCuZcoN8kmFqA63cix2uUwwbgfiBq-dlf5EFRsZoI8OXNnW_Hro4frYX8x4ilcoxZq58eRw/s1600/Matt.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyVgzfWX1eo5dp_BHR_-4oGNryudYhlCjU_xAi9sGDcXT3UI9CTGGeN0qjmCeabgKdzBVCCuZcoN8kmFqA63cix2uUwwbgfiBq-dlf5EFRsZoI8OXNnW_Hro4frYX8x4ilcoxZq58eRw/s1600/Matt.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Matt next. He's going to be singing 'The Writing's on the Wall'. Fulfilling the high note requirement for Matt. He skypes Nicole for advice. She looks amazing. I look like a potato on skype. I have to constantly readjust the camera so I only have 19 chins rather than 47. Sadly for Ryan, Matt supports Louis comment and is brilliant. His voice is spot on but he needs to work on his stage presence. He keeps giving little sideways glances. I think it's meant to be sexy and Bond like. He actually looks like a substitute teacher who's made someone stand in the corner and now isn't sure what they are up to behind them. The judges all love it. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUpTj0lmircwfiJ6f_yjixnZNLyTxGPr-rtQucwnYFkQkXMBGEKKF-dJ-51uBBRN00ugFWjHf1mWsB7WgL-TxTMrmggpz4q_cJDIbwQzVufqObBeolo6REHWOl9XbU0F2Jry5P3bco9I/s1600/Roland.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUpTj0lmircwfiJ6f_yjixnZNLyTxGPr-rtQucwnYFkQkXMBGEKKF-dJ-51uBBRN00ugFWjHf1mWsB7WgL-TxTMrmggpz4q_cJDIbwQzVufqObBeolo6REHWOl9XbU0F2Jry5P3bco9I/s1600/Roland.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Honey G. Her routine starts on a tube train. Sadly there aren't engineering works and she makes it to the studio. She's singing 'That's the way it is' mixed with 'Getting Jiggy with it'. I have worked out who she reminds me of in those tracksuits. Roland Rat. Although I would rather listen to 'Rat Rapping' on repeat than listen to her do whatever it is she does. I feel sorry for her dancers. They dreamed of more than this. The judges keep stressing that she rehearses more than any other contestant. That's as may be but she's still shit. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBeBzplHtMtc903dluEpkq3iaSId8JwgC8_Qyk48Q3j9lXIvsYQDbo_kKhOtEfZMme3rTd1sSou0wbRG0TBc2v294PAjaTXNQS4_Lxyi2WIwt7JTtJcoH2iDWzyBRF8ftnA2h9UAm2JR8/s1600/Emily+roxette.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBeBzplHtMtc903dluEpkq3iaSId8JwgC8_Qyk48Q3j9lXIvsYQDbo_kKhOtEfZMme3rTd1sSou0wbRG0TBc2v294PAjaTXNQS4_Lxyi2WIwt7JTtJcoH2iDWzyBRF8ftnA2h9UAm2JR8/s1600/Emily+roxette.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now, to get the party started...Emily. Remember her promise? She's going to be fun this week. Fun and upbeat. She's singing the upbeat, fun song 'It Must Have Been Love' in the manner of a creepy baby who's been thrown in a frozen lake. Don't let Emily plan your birthday. This is exactly the same as every week Emily. Exactly. The. Same. Down to the weird staging. I am watching it in the same manner as every week. Which is bored to tears. Sharon says that she is a 'Young, hip Sarah McLaughlin'. Which I don't think anyone was waiting for. The judges love it. In keeping with the death theme of her performance Emily coughs all the way through the comments. No one asks if she's OK. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I predict Emily and Ryan are the bottom 2 and Ryan goes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Once again I was wrong. After being treated to a performance from School of Rock (which I never want to see), there is a performance from Craig David, even though he usually chills on Sundays. Then Ryan and Honey G are in the bottom 2. Ryan tries to save himself by singing<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtAX6ayrp3Y" target="_blank"> wildly out of tune</a> it's magnificently awful. But then Honey G sings 'Get Your Freak On' and pronounces on and Orrrrn. But the judges aren't going to lose the only reason people are watching and so Honey G stays. Bye Ryan<br /><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-6729014942763284622016-11-07T15:28:00.007+00:002016-11-07T15:28:57.156+00:00X Factor Live Show - Girlband vs Boyband <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got trolled last week. Properly. By a stranger. Someone actually took time out of their day to send me some abuse on instagram. They had some pretty strong feelings about Halloween. Apparently I don't like Halloween because I look like a witch without make up and besides Halloween is JUST A BIT OF FUN (unlike this blog, which is deadly serious). You know what, maybe she's right. What is more fun than dressing a child up as Satan? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, this week there are no amazing costumes (or backcombing, Ryan's hair breathes a sigh of relief) and no scares planned, except for 5 After Midnight. It's Girlband vs Boyband week so let's look forward to people singing pretty much any song they like. Last week Gifty went home so I'd imagine everyone's VTs are going to be people reflecting on how shocked they are and how they've suddenly realised that 'anyone' can go home. It's like we've learnt nothing from Gamu. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dermot dances. Let's say no more. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFJYWBIBeyiZWECYBL-D1gR6iwtnmOZg8sS3fWMxjtdRdJcWxx_mxEeEnfDNFCG6uRaUwQFK0qmcqzfN0NpSQtTuEr5XQ_RG4Eesgt-TBclRJil6hholnPYicQ-7nCgl7hqXxLAccR7w/s1600/Lordi.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFJYWBIBeyiZWECYBL-D1gR6iwtnmOZg8sS3fWMxjtdRdJcWxx_mxEeEnfDNFCG6uRaUwQFK0qmcqzfN0NpSQtTuEr5XQ_RG4Eesgt-TBclRJil6hholnPYicQ-7nCgl7hqXxLAccR7w/s1600/Lordi.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First up to perform is Matt, who is singing a Wham song. Are there any high notes for him to force in? Matt has been riding high so I reckon this is the week the judges turn on him. He comments in his VT that 'anyone can go', yes Matt in fact all except one will go. This week he also went to Mahiki to be a celebrity. I've been there - doesn't seem so exclusive now does it. Fun fact: Nicole and Matt consider singing a Wham song a 'risk'. Like he's lost his mind and has decided to sing a Lordi song. You know Lordi. A Finnish band who won Eurovision. Saara knows Lordi. That said, this rendition is pretty embarrassing so he may have been on safer ground with Lordi. He keeps whooping. This is meant to indicate he's having a good time. It merely highlights that we are not. Louis didn't like it as much as he liked Matt last week. Everyone else liked it and Simon makes a joke about Louis being gay. It's as hilarious as those jokes always are. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bZ962Ea_-i9VNzj3IE9jxwu6IriLI_aoEPytqyk4_adm8beyIxZ1eBFd_zt4WaWo0Tc6eJihxPtYHviSp6XHopnFTNm1VZyzpjL3bNc7va5qk4ac-GlXhWBjvUsgrCH-Au4Qpp9hceo/s1600/Alien+Sam.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bZ962Ea_-i9VNzj3IE9jxwu6IriLI_aoEPytqyk4_adm8beyIxZ1eBFd_zt4WaWo0Tc6eJihxPtYHviSp6XHopnFTNm1VZyzpjL3bNc7va5qk4ac-GlXhWBjvUsgrCH-Au4Qpp9hceo/s1600/Alien+Sam.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Sam. She's singing a Girls Aloud song. Except - sound the 'singing any song' klaxon, it's actually a Pretenders song that Girls Aloud covered. This week Sam goes to see Rebecca Ferguson sing live. Sam meets her afterwards and says that she was only 12 when Rebecca was on the show. Rebecca doesn't punch her but instead smiles and thanks her for coming. And presumably for leaving. This week Sam isn't dressed as a rock chick courtesy of Top Shop, instead she's dressed as an alien who has come to earth and has to dress as a girl in order to infiltrate our society. This has been choreographed to have her throw her arms up in frustration a lot. It's like she's doing semaphore. I'm not really enjoying this. It's fine but she seems a bit off. She has the choir this week, they have clearly been told to wear something white. Some of them have had to borrow clothes. Ahhh she cries at the end. Don't cry Sam. Nicole thinks she sang the wrong song. Simon doesn't think she sung the wrong song. This is as interesting as it gets. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGaDndLw-FeLrNqy84CSz6kC2McVHh2Y3nRRDQCUi07XVXl-yUbneZ4fe1vjQyh3_wS3er63lTcKCvwCcH54znIlPz8OtxNQwwDHdtIvrBpT-XTR24dAcY1ropGh1iPDX_48qg56DXwU/s1600/Fancy.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGaDndLw-FeLrNqy84CSz6kC2McVHh2Y3nRRDQCUi07XVXl-yUbneZ4fe1vjQyh3_wS3er63lTcKCvwCcH54znIlPz8OtxNQwwDHdtIvrBpT-XTR24dAcY1ropGh1iPDX_48qg56DXwU/s1600/Fancy.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh bum. Honey G. In her VT Honey G addresses her haters. She's going to be singing Kris Kros 'Jump'. She saw them in concert and they inspired her to be a rapper. She then gives an inspirational talk to some kids. They are five. She struts on to stage and sings 'Jump'. Her dance break is less body pump class and more like a dance game on the wii. Imagine a teacher deciding at the end of term that they are going to do a rap in assembly. This is as good and as embarrassing. Now instead of going back to the staff room and having people not look you in the eye and saying 'that was really good Neil', she stands in front of the judges . They say nice things but I am distracted by the insane close up of her face we are treated to. This is so we can see the judges in her glasses. Clever? Yes. Necessary? No. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHdDxrpIGIJhrElZHqtX0f_AV3GN4ukC7rPvMgYfDHDdIIveKniIYOWpQhBwunbt24g301DZXaSFoCvbOzJsEbOQ5RA8EaSlg-Ufsu5W6ItUQDJ-JfiIuqFgz0hbkXBL117QxoLILnZtI/s1600/Ryan.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHdDxrpIGIJhrElZHqtX0f_AV3GN4ukC7rPvMgYfDHDdIIveKniIYOWpQhBwunbt24g301DZXaSFoCvbOzJsEbOQ5RA8EaSlg-Ufsu5W6ItUQDJ-JfiIuqFgz0hbkXBL117QxoLILnZtI/s1600/Ryan.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ryan is singing the Beatles. As they are technically a boyband. By this logic so are Guns and Roses, The Doors, Simon and Garfunkel, The Glen Miller Band. In his VT Ryan is in self pitying mode and reading horrible comments about himself on twitter. He also mentions that certain people in the house think that he should have gone rather than Gifty. He mentions no names. My money's on Emily. Nicole tells him that in his performance this week he should 'let everything go'. Do not take this advice Ryan. He decides to 'take everything inside himself and leave it on the stage'. Deciding to do that means I am no longer welcome at the National. He's singing Twist and Shout. I quite like it. it's definitely his best week. Sharon however wants him to give more. What do they want from the poor boy? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9iPgrgWX29TBJYMHAirMpo2l3P8FruWKXNXkGEJAnr6JndWNvrBCWFse_rJ_i3FtAQWXrhKsfhATZKjaue4ZFB1tVjKj5UUsULopBLn2lu3DnzxBCdfE5XPOL05cVorxyA2Pwpim_QfM/s1600/Stylist+hates+us.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9iPgrgWX29TBJYMHAirMpo2l3P8FruWKXNXkGEJAnr6JndWNvrBCWFse_rJ_i3FtAQWXrhKsfhATZKjaue4ZFB1tVjKj5UUsULopBLn2lu3DnzxBCdfE5XPOL05cVorxyA2Pwpim_QfM/s1600/Stylist+hates+us.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Four of Diamonds now. They re-live the sing off. As well you should - think about what you've done. They too read horrid tweets about themselves. Onward girls. Never look back. They talk about how much they love each other. Jolly good. They are singing 'Hold on' by Wilson Phillips. One of them can't sit down in her skirt and has to prop herself up against her stool rather than sit on it. I quite like this. A bit 1990's compilation reggae album but pleasant. The stylist is beginning to forgive them. Except the one in the jeans. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saara is up after the break. They'll probably make her sing B*witched and Irish dance whilst dressed as a leprechaun. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Apparently Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Bayliss and Harding. This is true. Everyone should get one gift that is clearly in the 3 for 2 at Boots and says 'I didn't know what to get you but really wanted to do the offer'. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjADr1RVKkorYG7xl0vuN5q_CRHOkcAAyud5q23T0HLaQCpl9RKU81dsBry71dfKbEJnK3FfubQnNE_DlNnXN-UXU1C86hNJuk_os-rf6v2s6xQCDZuTlmz0zlsuZecSJbLsOXRGwUvsLo/s1600/Saara+odd.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjADr1RVKkorYG7xl0vuN5q_CRHOkcAAyud5q23T0HLaQCpl9RKU81dsBry71dfKbEJnK3FfubQnNE_DlNnXN-UXU1C86hNJuk_os-rf6v2s6xQCDZuTlmz0zlsuZecSJbLsOXRGwUvsLo/s1600/Saara+odd.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saara is singing 'Sound of the Underground'. Cue Louis making a comment about how much he hates Girls Aloud. In her VT Saara mentions several times how happy she is to have the support of the British people. Steady on there. I don't think we ever said that. She comes on stage dressed as a Geisha. Why? We don't know. For similar reasons she is straddling a canon. I think this is called being odd for odds sake. The song itself is dull. Which isn't surprising given the visuals it's competing against. Judges like her but not the staging. Simon announces that he loves nuts. Huge laugh. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Emily. Time for a nap. She's singing 'One Direction'. And guess what? She's singing it slowly. And she's bare foot. Oh she's so kooky and alternative. It's dull. The judges love it. Louis thinks she's the future. For all we know he really thinks this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Five After Midnight. Ugh. They are however singing the best Spice Girls song (Say you'll be there) so there is hope. Please don't ruin it. In their VT they are upset about Gifty. I think we've discovered who Ryan was talking about. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkTGRo8aoGtL9hzpuXMRbZ5SH29Kt50dlmjDDsu0n4FBVrIYh2yavQIfxbvdNNummOkJtEu3Bo3GRI73DQi7Gdt-KbLuLj3Frs39_65mwh4aSBPDOTYOo33AEZhyfO6YkY8VPQylNk2U/s1600/what+are+you+wearing.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkTGRo8aoGtL9hzpuXMRbZ5SH29Kt50dlmjDDsu0n4FBVrIYh2yavQIfxbvdNNummOkJtEu3Bo3GRI73DQi7Gdt-KbLuLj3Frs39_65mwh4aSBPDOTYOo33AEZhyfO6YkY8VPQylNk2U/s1600/what+are+you+wearing.PNG" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh they've ruined the song. Their outfits are horrifying. Just insane. Is this fashion? If it is then I'm well out of it. The judges give them a standing ovation. It probably is their best week, I'm just starting them from a very low standard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Predictions: Ryan, Four of Diamonds and Sam will be the bottom 3. Sam will get the lifeline and Four of Diamonds will go. Ryan will spin in to an existential crisis. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">BUT NO. Ryan is through. Bottom 3 are Sam, Saara and Four of Diamonds. Sam gets the lifeline. Four of Diamonds sing 'When you Believe' which isn't bad when it gets going. Saara sings a Jessie J song in the manner of a Fairy Godmother giving advice in a Disney film. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louis is the only one who saves Four of Diamonds. See you girls. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My advice, not that they want it, stick to what you were doing at judges houses. And always be nice to stylists. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-38161242666513475852016-11-01T11:26:00.003+00:002016-11-01T11:26:23.525+00:00X Factor Live Show - Fright Night <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's Fright Night. Completely randomly selected to coincide with Halloween. Completely random. OK? I hate Halloween. Don't understand it. But each to their own, if you enjoy celebrating the occult and teaching your children to beg whilst dressed as demons then you go ahead. Just don't expect me to stop thinking of your children as demons come November 1st. But anyway. We're going to celebrate the tortured souls and the undead through the beauty of music. I'd imagine all the girls will have 'sexy' costumes. Except Honey G. She'll be in a tracksuit. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigJRW7MUTuvH7ELko-fNdykRM1gPQTNTA-Jge1chci6ds7wS-EZ3RVfoH7XTIVGh0m5U2B-MqVm2mRryfYwtNFsetCCDFaeq0kxCkIR29eOc8LryTLVuXw8HjjGPwBZfdrF4QJN9Q3BFM/s1600/Simon+fang.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigJRW7MUTuvH7ELko-fNdykRM1gPQTNTA-Jge1chci6ds7wS-EZ3RVfoH7XTIVGh0m5U2B-MqVm2mRryfYwtNFsetCCDFaeq0kxCkIR29eOc8LryTLVuXw8HjjGPwBZfdrF4QJN9Q3BFM/s1600/Simon+fang.PNG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiofS5ijwEz2m-2ZMaX8rkKI5dgGtBTkr7SSl_PejXL9xtd9pefHbJhDTX7c4bYQtV8zYdn8VtdhqpacC8nWtE0GZEu14tYtORM5LrjtjQ1VK1yQfV6clkSmm9iSDQlrfyb1VaqtkZ5T0/s1600/Nicole+hair.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiofS5ijwEz2m-2ZMaX8rkKI5dgGtBTkr7SSl_PejXL9xtd9pefHbJhDTX7c4bYQtV8zYdn8VtdhqpacC8nWtE0GZEu14tYtORM5LrjtjQ1VK1yQfV6clkSmm9iSDQlrfyb1VaqtkZ5T0/s1600/Nicole+hair.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dermot dances to 'Bat Out of Hell' surrounded by sexy zombies. All light hearted, family fun. Simon is wearing fangs. Nicole hasn't brushed her hair. Sharon is wearing her usual clothes and Louis isn't too sure where he is. You can vote before any one has performed. Is this right? They are also pretending that the show is haunted by the ghosts of Bravissimo. A ha ha ha. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Gifty is first. Her friends come to visit her and they have a staged conversation. Apparently being in the X Factor house is 'different to what she is used to'. What insight. I had assumed she normally lived in a house with a shit rapper and was wheeled out to perform for votes once a week. Wearing a horrible suit she's singing a song called 'I'm in Love with a Monster'. This is by Fifth Harmony who has some how got a deal with UK X Factor whereby their entire album must be performed every week. It's fine. Gifty is good. Louis' dancing is a highlight. The judges like it. Louis makes the mind bending statement of ' every week you bring something different and this week the same'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Matt is next and he feels very lucky to be here so to give something back he goes to greet his fans. Well he wanders up and down the people queuing to get in and makes them pretend to be pleased to see him. He also went to the London Dungeon. He doesn't scare easily... I think we can guess what happens next. He sings 'I Put a Spell On You' and wears eyeliner. I think the backing dancers have zimmer frames. Are we scared of the elderly on Halloween? I would argue it's normally the elderly who sit terrified whilst enormous teenagers bang on their doors dressed in masks. Anyway. Elder terror is now a thing. The next song will be performed from walk in bath. It's a good performance. Simon can't talk with those teeth in. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAd2BqAkScsRT2I_dkYn50-Ve6aFOkVp9rrwO9N5aMQaX62hdhtyPBdoS79pRGOFUovKoT3KPAlhrvqIjW4bXteEbrDAhNG65wCdBE3knjbI2gk-S3tW9gyAg71DkOasMuZq9QMEWVgMU/s1600/5+after+midnight+fright.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAd2BqAkScsRT2I_dkYn50-Ve6aFOkVp9rrwO9N5aMQaX62hdhtyPBdoS79pRGOFUovKoT3KPAlhrvqIjW4bXteEbrDAhNG65wCdBE3knjbI2gk-S3tW9gyAg71DkOasMuZq9QMEWVgMU/s1600/5+after+midnight+fright.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh grief. It's 5 After Midnight. This is scary. They're going to murder a song. They watch last weeks performance and realise how awful it was. Unfortunately they don't give up and instead go for the sympathy vote and tell us that one of them is about to become a father so needs to stay in a singing contest in order to support his new family. They are singing 'Thriller' but they are going to put their own twist on it. The performance starts with a sketch where they drink poison and come back as zombies. I think the poison has affected their voices as this is dreadful. Not sure what the dancing is. Maybe they have dead legs. Ho ho. Three judges give standing ovations - what? </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWWhZ4LWYercgeUq5CFv2_TCW0CRZLLWPEHp0JLeFrLKoyIUvz46Od5YQvLqD-SGRUcdFY4WObSs6Zfcyg_hFawFSgl2TSC9ShHCWLqCBTRPhQaqrikGLzXxSYGiF3PpbSIX_-gD0Pqc/s1600/Ugh.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWWhZ4LWYercgeUq5CFv2_TCW0CRZLLWPEHp0JLeFrLKoyIUvz46Od5YQvLqD-SGRUcdFY4WObSs6Zfcyg_hFawFSgl2TSC9ShHCWLqCBTRPhQaqrikGLzXxSYGiF3PpbSIX_-gD0Pqc/s1600/Ugh.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh goodness. It's Honey G. This week she has mainly been living as the UK's top rapper. she's also been 'learning her ad libs'. She's singing 'Men In Black' and starting it from the car park. Sadly the doors are open and in she comes. She can't even walk in time. She does a quick body pump class in the middle of her performance which is praised as a 'dance break'. Stop now. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXpZ8pUoH4tMwujd9dS5Xa1M3ESIWxrXp2GW9S05X_eVQ6ekMSIGmBw_qSNR6UYUYBQ1ep2UfpVU5rqDSQZGEQ4hJvupBcqjn2hWUgaNRvoa_K1IBuVIgrOOprRo-OtUpQejz-H5YyTzM/s1600/Ryan+hair.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXpZ8pUoH4tMwujd9dS5Xa1M3ESIWxrXp2GW9S05X_eVQ6ekMSIGmBw_qSNR6UYUYBQ1ep2UfpVU5rqDSQZGEQ4hJvupBcqjn2hWUgaNRvoa_K1IBuVIgrOOprRo-OtUpQejz-H5YyTzM/s1600/Ryan+hair.PNG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitqJQV01DVsPgHJg-gQ-x1dXovLnnI0BHlmN-lmKn6lQ6pehvgAWoR-1ys0QmxTA3rV6kcbdCXwj1hRHmYwruqk5OUJfy7Qhdfsv45xEDe-S4PNZUb8mqD75tPFp6L-KMLvQTc8soX8w4/s1600/Nicole+rylan.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitqJQV01DVsPgHJg-gQ-x1dXovLnnI0BHlmN-lmKn6lQ6pehvgAWoR-1ys0QmxTA3rV6kcbdCXwj1hRHmYwruqk5OUJfy7Qhdfsv45xEDe-S4PNZUb8mqD75tPFp6L-KMLvQTc8soX8w4/s1600/Nicole+rylan.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nicole tries to introduce an act and Rylan pops up to scare her. She recovers and introduces Ryan. He relives how dreadful he was last week and says he's determined to bring back the fun this week. He's singing 'BackStreet's Back'. I once saw a seventy five year old man do this at karaoke so he's got a lot to live up to. HIS HAIR. HIS HAIR. He's also decided to sing it like he's trying not to wake up his parents but mainly HIS HAIR. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Apparently this is his best performance to date. Sadly that's probably true. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Next up is Sam. Who will no doubt sing something 'rock'. Oh yes 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. Is this a creepy song? It's an impressive set. A bit forced and ultimately forgettable. Louis thought it was 'modern'. Which sadly he probably thinks it is. Judges love it. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgimdAOn4NOm0vXuMV5H-SBdCqjdO5z14pUQrm6nqLvxsswZg7CH0wImE1Vv_RxPyT-7EWvB0GfylDeV_fDB9UlJwseJ5icJnbRVPrNkwekfTr0H_d9iKj_xjmfc0ohIqkgjU6yzaAgbxg/s1600/Poor+cow.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgimdAOn4NOm0vXuMV5H-SBdCqjdO5z14pUQrm6nqLvxsswZg7CH0wImE1Vv_RxPyT-7EWvB0GfylDeV_fDB9UlJwseJ5icJnbRVPrNkwekfTr0H_d9iKj_xjmfc0ohIqkgjU6yzaAgbxg/s1600/Poor+cow.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After the break Saara. Who'll be made to leap about like a half wit for our entertainment as that is the only way we can tolerate foreigners. Saara uses her VT to tell us that she loves the British people. Yeah, yeah. Dance for us Finnish girl. She's singing the well known Halloween song 'Bad Romance'. She's singing it inside a church. A church on Halloween. Did no one question that? It's awful. Now she is an official comedy act she shrieks about and plays a fake organ. The judges love it. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1rMAoirclK7mTYEFayPFXUstW-9NIUACAXdKpcbeY1M0nSThMgFSGnJ0qu2uRqpO4tWy9Zmo8mzhIbp7196Xqjw2PwmrrYJ_6ObXUX6Yt9DeQ99Brsvx-uXwQTFqzssxZpyMnv3EYftE/s1600/4+of+diamonds.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1rMAoirclK7mTYEFayPFXUstW-9NIUACAXdKpcbeY1M0nSThMgFSGnJ0qu2uRqpO4tWy9Zmo8mzhIbp7196Xqjw2PwmrrYJ_6ObXUX6Yt9DeQ99Brsvx-uXwQTFqzssxZpyMnv3EYftE/s1600/4+of+diamonds.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Four of Diamonds. Presumably gyrating in a synagogue. They are sad about last week so Louis gives them a spa day. Which is 'exactly what they need'. Or practice. They're singing 'Ghost' by Ella Henderson. This is terrible. Judges say they like it, why kick them when they're down? </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6LXZd7HRYBY9W9pzFaDkrBrMDfEzl0OYqBfLT4Of-5QrIbZ0-n7ns5nxr04-fST6x8kkfdt4yxqJk-khkvlcGPc8PYudeUYhT95Q00MEhjOR8qLKe3WoYFo4XCieK3VGknR1S-gyLwhQ/s1600/Emily.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6LXZd7HRYBY9W9pzFaDkrBrMDfEzl0OYqBfLT4Of-5QrIbZ0-n7ns5nxr04-fST6x8kkfdt4yxqJk-khkvlcGPc8PYudeUYhT95Q00MEhjOR8qLKe3WoYFo4XCieK3VGknR1S-gyLwhQ/s1600/Emily.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's Emily after the break so I'm guessing she'll be terrified in a John Lewis fashion. Perhaps she'll come on stage and announce she's sold out of bread makers or say there's a UK hummus shortage. Or she'll sing a song in a plinky plonky nothingy way. Her VT involves her watching her performance last week which was her best yet. Hmmm. Bit odd. They then try and show that she is 'fun'. A bit like telling people you 'have a great sense of humour'. If you have to tell people, you're probably don't. Emily is about as fun as a brick. She's singing 'Creep' in a John Lewis style whilst dressed as a doll. I'm scared of dolls and don't like Radiohead or people singing songs in a weird way and thinking they're being different. So this probably isn't the performance for me. "What the hell am I doing here?". You tell me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The judges love it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My predictions. Bottom 3 - Ryan, Four of Diamonds and Saara. Saara will get the lifeline and Four of Diamonds will go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh I couldn't have been more wrong. Bottom 3 was Ryan, Four of Diamonds and GIFTY and the lifeline went to Ryan. How? This is what happens when children have mobile phones. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH0baGaZmarPsWAYskFB-fzS5FumXXwwqmrMy1WY-jL3GZOldNggwiudx9Y5IpIfBzjTZsXsNoOF6OVy8uCXILHYtBN7BjqlQf0ZpmhyEqtHY0OkAhrf6COTmXbcFwuJrgD28sfp628w/s1600/Gifty+pissed+off.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH0baGaZmarPsWAYskFB-fzS5FumXXwwqmrMy1WY-jL3GZOldNggwiudx9Y5IpIfBzjTZsXsNoOF6OVy8uCXILHYtBN7BjqlQf0ZpmhyEqtHY0OkAhrf6COTmXbcFwuJrgD28sfp628w/s1600/Gifty+pissed+off.PNG" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The sing off. Gifty is brilliant. Four of Diamonds, not so much. Simon (after forgetting how this works) saves Gifty, Louis saves Four of Diamonds, Nicole saves Four of Diamonds (??) and so does Sharon. Bloody hell. Ridiculous. Gifty looks pissed off and rightly so. I love you Gifty. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Gifty will later get in to trouble for looking annoyed that she had to go after a sing off with a mediocre girl band (who still haven't reconciled with the stylist) and before a novelty rap act. Be pissed off Gifty. Do it. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-22209863951313121232016-10-24T12:19:00.001+01:002016-10-24T12:19:28.111+01:00X Factor Live Shows Week 3 - Diva Week <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVDmP_lRjrzR2bSmU7hk1R3sSN0HZk8BY1pEisAwkm49jmXFGodL_AugstgkL3RhVWaAXUBza_mRSF4XjFRT39IhUM3BLdbN4SX6M1liv78e23abgub2fU9kBjcL0dtmP_hlGApQQqJiI/s1600/Louis+X+factor+sign.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVDmP_lRjrzR2bSmU7hk1R3sSN0HZk8BY1pEisAwkm49jmXFGodL_AugstgkL3RhVWaAXUBza_mRSF4XjFRT39IhUM3BLdbN4SX6M1liv78e23abgub2fU9kBjcL0dtmP_hlGApQQqJiI/s1600/Louis+X+factor+sign.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Only ten contestants left and this week they are tackling 'Divas'. To this end Dermot dances to a Whitney Houston song. His choreography is better than Honey G's. The judges come out and Louis does a dancing X Factor sign. This is the happiest he's ever been. He's also clearly been practising. They introduce all the judges with Nicole last because, what fresh hell is this, she grabs the mic and begins to sing 'I'm Every Woman'. This only makes me fear for 'Louis Loves' week. I'm hoping for Johnny, Wagner and Two Shoes to make an appearance singing Black Lace's greatest hit (s). I may have put the brackets in the wrong place there. To her credit, Nicole can sing. It all just seems a little bit unnecessary. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First up it's the boys. Cue the sad music, it's Ryan. Ryan is reliving last week when he was in the bottom three. As is traditional in these situations he wants to get back in touch with himself and show us the real him. Because that's why we're not voting for him, because we don't know him. He also meets John Legend who I assume is either performing tomorrow or who has been kidnapped. Ryan sings 'Rolling in the Deep'. I'm not sure that attempting an Adele song is his best idea, he's only going to suffer by comparison. He's not bad but well, it's not Adele. I enjoy his fake band though. The judges don't look thrilled. Louis doesn't like it. Sharon didn't like him but consoles him with the fact that he's only 17. He's 20 so that's that shot to shit. Simon blames Nicole's singing for Ryan's poor performance. Nicole manages to retaliate in such a way that she bigs herself and Ryan up. Impressive. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF5XWsz2N69qfzionWUBV7teVjB7cW3_CSoiLDtK-t62usOr2S1Id5FzytX4dyHPGk9LBhGlTmfCGtYHIBXCUW7S9Rw3FlnenTD__WmS0TMAfFgxwK7T71iAkrQN3HPEUPu8yKaX8THfM/s1600/Gifty.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF5XWsz2N69qfzionWUBV7teVjB7cW3_CSoiLDtK-t62usOr2S1Id5FzytX4dyHPGk9LBhGlTmfCGtYHIBXCUW7S9Rw3FlnenTD__WmS0TMAfFgxwK7T71iAkrQN3HPEUPu8yKaX8THfM/s1600/Gifty.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They then show clips of the judges being divas and invite us to vote, via the app, for the biggest diva. I'm alright thanks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Gifty, who is occassionally Gifty Louise. She's singing 'Lay Me Down' by Sam Smith in memory of her mother who died when she was young. It's no secret that I am a fan of Gifty (Louise) but this is very, very good. Very emotional and beautifully staged. I really hope they don't have a choir suddenly appear. They didn't. Good. Louis liked it but doesn't like her hair. Sharon liked it and her hair. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh grief. Five after Midnight. But first they are going to announce who the biggest diva is. Louis is beside himself. This is exactly the kind of holiday camp entertainment he likes. Nicole wins. So that's that over. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhClIYVmScpvdQafmyKP8433nNNK0ljkuxdQdjSHYP29Fn_oAyTws8pG7tWuAg-j46zuftlM7IH4vkPDAW9c-fYYt3Fptl96YG0qze4tMfK2-OAYO4bWTTxI2W1rcD3TGU5IvbVO5-XBUk/s1600/Jake+from+outnumbered.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhClIYVmScpvdQafmyKP8433nNNK0ljkuxdQdjSHYP29Fn_oAyTws8pG7tWuAg-j46zuftlM7IH4vkPDAW9c-fYYt3Fptl96YG0qze4tMfK2-OAYO4bWTTxI2W1rcD3TGU5IvbVO5-XBUk/s1600/Jake+from+outnumbered.PNG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJyETbFd0jKKyHIuTouIrIPvlSbH5dcqhyphenhyphenaWPnFaRHnwUF_joEX4XsieU2aC01IOQRuAS_P0qx4ttz5nPgR5abb6w7aHAeMCjPzg5UazCKUKU95cI3Ui68eW1YHp9QgsqBeEi-vl5Vf4c/s1600/5+after+midnight.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJyETbFd0jKKyHIuTouIrIPvlSbH5dcqhyphenhyphenaWPnFaRHnwUF_joEX4XsieU2aC01IOQRuAS_P0qx4ttz5nPgR5abb6w7aHAeMCjPzg5UazCKUKU95cI3Ui68eW1YHp9QgsqBeEi-vl5Vf4c/s1600/5+after+midnight.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now to ruin the mood some weird singing and dancing that the judges inexplicably love. They're going to do their own choreography this week and have a row about it in rehearsals. They then explain that they had a storming row because they love each other so much. OK. Someone pointed out that one of 'Five After Midnight' looks like Jake from Outnumbered. Once you see it you can't go back. They sing 'Valerie'. They were clearly too busy arguing /loving each other to practice much. I fast forward. Nicole claims they are relevant. To whom? Simon says it's terrible. Yes, Simon. YES. Sharon says that they make people happy. So does farting but we don't do that on national tv and there's a chance that it could sound better than whatever that was. 5am are thrilled that they got awful feedback so they can learn from it. This is the child on sports day who is happy they lost because they didn't want to win. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon gets told off by Dermot for talking to Louis when he should be introducing his next act. Welcome back Dermot. Olly Murs never did that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sam is up next and starts by making us feel ancient by recalling her X Factor memories. She was six when Leona won. Six. She meets John Legend. There's a man in John Legends room who has been bad and must face the wall (it took me three more contestants to realise that this was the piano player). Sam is of course singing something in a rock style. This time it's 'Earth Song'. Was Michael Jackson a diva? Or simply odd. I think if I lived in a fun fair and wore a surgical mask people wouldn't be saying 'Oh she's such a diva', I think they'd be saying 'stay away children, she's had a hard life'. The song is fine. Could benefit from Jarvis Cocker getting his arse out. A memory Sam won't have, because she wasn't born. She is condemned to sing Rock for ever more. Well until they tell her she only sings Rock and needs to mix it up a bit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now I apologise for this next bit. Nicole didn't like it. So Simon accuses her of being jealous. This is the most infuriating argument men use against women. It is possible to dislike someone or something without being jealous. And the more you have to defend yourself the more jealous you look. So instead let's be rational about this. Do we really think that a platinum selling, broadway artist who has regularly been voted one of the most beautiful women in the world is jealous of a seventeen year old who's been made to sing Earth Song in a Rock style. No. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Matt. Any bets on when the high note is going to be hit? To prepare himself for this week he has a fake conversation with his friends. He's singing 'I'll be there' and he's got Gifty's choir. I think the high note is coming... he's off his stool. There it is. I think he may trap a bollock near the end as there is a yelp that doesn't seem planned. He also looks near tears at the end so either he mucked up or he's in pain. Simon says he has balls. This is true although they may not be plural anymore. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh no. Honey G. Brian tells her that 'the challenge each week is topping yourself.' Harsh. She meets John Legend. He's thrilled. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> She's going to a dance break in this song. This is generous. She stops her appalling rendition of 'Ice Ice Baby' (was Vanilla Ice a diva?) then stands and looks awkward whilst some dancers, who will not be putting this on their cv, mill around her. Piss off Dear. There's a good girl. Louis loved it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Relley. She visits Brian Freidman who is dressed as a cow. She also meets John Legend who has met Honey G and doesn't want to play anymore. Her voice cracks whilst she's singing to him as she has a cold. Bless her. It must be annoying when you know that this is your best week and your voice isn't going to hold up. She has a lovely voice. It's not her fault I hate this song. Louis says Birmingham in a very weird way. Sharon thought it was 'clean and predictable'. Yes, she should have dressed up as a fake rapper and done some awkward dancing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Emily. She's going to John Lewis something to death. The VT is about Ryan and Emily's love. I don't care so I fast forward. She's singing 'How Will I know' and yep, singing it slowly. Unusual staging. She's singing it on a toilet. Now she's finished and is going for a walk. This is dull. And has nothing to do with being a diva. More about being a wimp who wants to flog you a fridge freezer in time for Christmas. Louis liked it. He said it sounds like a John Lewis advert. We've all moved on Louis. Nicole wanted the song to go somewhere. Home? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Four of Diamonds. I hope they've made up with the stylist. They're doing a mash up. Sort. They sing Lady Marmalade (awkward) and then stop and sing 'Bang Bang'. Singing two songs separately is not a mash up. All sounds a bit thin. Simon wants them to be more British so I reckon next week they'll be dressed as pearly queens singing a Chas and Dave/ Oasis 'mash up'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYNj0eUJOvSVBpilIEfuXKhlCgxuk6g9T5IIRbt4R2g2S6TCt28wZkse3NlFWbeeFtblE_Ud1hyphenhyphenNurALJwRs4c6VdSQ57D4EZ10Ax6zQrkELINQDdODEHOMxbOKiB5Zf9jXLEM6ENuJSk/s1600/saara+bjork.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYNj0eUJOvSVBpilIEfuXKhlCgxuk6g9T5IIRbt4R2g2S6TCt28wZkse3NlFWbeeFtblE_Ud1hyphenhyphenNurALJwRs4c6VdSQ57D4EZ10Ax6zQrkELINQDdODEHOMxbOKiB5Zf9jXLEM6ENuJSk/s1600/saara+bjork.PNG" /></a>Now Saara. Who will be going this week. Saara thinks we're not voting for her because she's not British. I'd say that's rubbish but, you know, Brexit. She sings a Bjork song whilst dressed as a loon. If in doubt, be the joke act. It's painfully awful. I suppose if you're going to go you may as well poo on the floor on the way out. Nicole thought she was dancing with sanitary towels. Simon thought it was incredible. She's going to be made to sing Europop whilst dressed as a banana every week now. She'll still go though, because, you know... Brexit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Results update: Saara didn't go. As long as she's insane and makes a tit of herself, she can stay. Relley went. Unfairly. Especially as Four of Diamonds made up their 'save' song as they went along. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-4617378170388356672016-10-21T17:01:00.002+01:002016-10-21T17:01:27.679+01:00X Factor Live Shows Week 2 - MOTOWN!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So last week the randomly selected theme for this Saturday, chosen via the jukebox, was Motown. As such the show opens with a performance from the cast of Motown the Musical. How truly lucky that they were able to book the cast of a west end musical on such short notice given that they only knew the theme six days ago. They aren't picking the themes randomly you say? I couldn't possibly comment. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJ1BiCpqDzGeUlVRoGtZjBFEGQmW00N4DvhDXjpf8haa13jsWfsMo55W4VrEbcV1jnmTJpyaI5S3Kg9vLf1SXaIh2okogobctEAbuCurC471zo4QJovXKzIOb9vxrMVmtiK5ReZmeRec/s1600/Brooks+way.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJ1BiCpqDzGeUlVRoGtZjBFEGQmW00N4DvhDXjpf8haa13jsWfsMo55W4VrEbcV1jnmTJpyaI5S3Kg9vLf1SXaIh2okogobctEAbuCurC471zo4QJovXKzIOb9vxrMVmtiK5ReZmeRec/s1600/Brooks+way.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louis dances throughout. It's alarming. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Brooks Way have been forced to leave the competition due to issues raised about their conduct. Or in my mind they had an urgent decorating job they had to get to. To replace them 'Four of Diamonds' have returned. It looks like one of them has immediately pissed off the stylist. Wet look crop top worn over a halter neck and green silk jogging bottoms. Apologise now. They have a power you can not fathom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The boys are up first and Freddie is singing. Freddie was in the bottom three last week. He is being a good sport about it all and promised that he's 'going to bring it'. Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh? No, a karaoke version of 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'. His Mum and brother have come to visit. And perhaps take a few bits home with them. His version is fine. He's not behind a piano and it's a bit bland. I had to look away when he tried to do some hip hop dancing. I was mainly distracted by his backing dancers who were dressed as tarty office workers. Freddie was allowed to wear his clothes done up, but for some reason wore a Scouts woggle. Louis liked it but didn't love it (always remember that Louis loved Wagner). Sharon liked his hair (don't knock it, Smash Hits Poll used to give awards for that), Simon said it was a million times better than last week (means nothing, we're not judging it against last week) and Nicole said something about balls (who knows). </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtWdPrNJAKeusEzVerzGU7HmYrJLUK3VFGc-zUuG1Whl-Y1b6OJsEQBxLxJCIsZp_9tycBpW-hZB0v0S1r_YEftCS2QBurFIFaq3V-FsCIXzQ0k2dVVRL96cd-oTJx2woQ2I5f3MirrgA/s1600/Simon+Seal.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtWdPrNJAKeusEzVerzGU7HmYrJLUK3VFGc-zUuG1Whl-Y1b6OJsEQBxLxJCIsZp_9tycBpW-hZB0v0S1r_YEftCS2QBurFIFaq3V-FsCIXzQ0k2dVVRL96cd-oTJx2woQ2I5f3MirrgA/s1600/Simon+Seal.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now the Girls. Simon announces that he excited about this. It's Emily, who thoughtfully takes time to explain in her VT that living in the X Factor House is different to living at home. Thank you for your insight Emily. This week she wants to show her individuality and 'Emilyisms'. Out she comes wearing a circuit board. She has gone the John Lewis route of making something your own - singing it really flipping slowly. She's singing 'Stop in the Name of Love' a song I never realised had so few words until it was slowed down to a funeral march. It's fine. Simon claps throughout the comments like a demented seal. Interestingly if you google 'Simon Seal' you get this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Emily keeps walking off the stage too early. Leaving Dermot to hoik her back and make her do 'vote for me' telephone hands. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Adverts. Why do perfume ads have to be so wanky. Surely they just need to say 'Do you like flowers? It smells like that.' </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRA-4vtejVh0cjdRuq6I5PaPE1aZx9gQb6BNF6sX1TIZWrlMbCGnMgzFBVKWg6D9gvHsytDDjvIhmwY5GrIVuULwEKQ3HHA4ObCIl6gOpzIpoUop9rZPe-GH2xHZvwbXjjgjg5Vv4YFk/s1600/Nicole+Leg.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRA-4vtejVh0cjdRuq6I5PaPE1aZx9gQb6BNF6sX1TIZWrlMbCGnMgzFBVKWg6D9gvHsytDDjvIhmwY5GrIVuULwEKQ3HHA4ObCIl6gOpzIpoUop9rZPe-GH2xHZvwbXjjgjg5Vv4YFk/s1600/Nicole+Leg.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Matt. a performance where we are just going to wait for him to hit a very high note. His Nan cries on the phone to Matt then comes down to the studio to throw herself on Simon. I like her. Matt is singing 'Heard it through the Grapevine'. I become obsessed by a backing singer who looks like an estate agent from a nineties sitcom. It's actually quite good. Oh and there's the high note. The judges all love it. And quite right too. This is Nicole's response. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We move on. Sharon announces Saara. Who was in the sing off last week. And I predict, before she sings, will go this week. It's not actually Saara singing, it's Relley. Simon told Sharon it was Saara for a joke. A HAHAHAHAHAHA. Relley's Dad has come to offer support. They appear to be the same age. She's singing 'Ain't No Sunshine'. I think her jumpsuit may be giving her gip, she's walking very strangely. She is good. She joins the long line of people in X Factor who are very good but aren't going to win. Maria, Mary Byrne, Cassi Compton, Brenda Edwards. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The camera man is on drugs tonight. Keeps zooming in on people's bottoms. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The judges like it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Next is Sam. Presumably wearing (at Simon's insistence) a bin bag smeared in poo. She's having a makeover this week. Which is kind of over selling a bit of a hair trim. There is NO difference. She's singing 'Hello' by Lionel Richie. She's also wearing her coat. It's being sung slowly in the manner of a serial killer. Weird shadow puppets accompany her. I predict at least one judge will call it 'haunting'. It's fine. I'd rather listen to that than Freddie. There's a compliment there if you look. Simon has discovered her 'rock voice'. This is bad news. From now on she'll have to sing everything in a 'rocky' way. Never have a distinctive style. You'll be made to sing the Crash Test Dummies for 6 weeks then get kicked out for not being versatile. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now the problem with typing this up a few days after it's been on is that you have to rely on scribbled notes. I have no idea what this next comment refers to or why I wrote it or even if (given my handwriting) this is what I meant, so I am simply going to transcribe this comment and leave it here. 'Simon praises her Asian experience'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it's 5 after Midnight. A group who's appeal I simply do not understand. They have the hair of MN8 and the voices of Peter Andre and the dancing is bizarre. They're singing 'Get Ready' which segues in to 'Reach Out'. Both are awful. Why ruin one song when you can bring down two? They get a standing ovation. According to Sharon Daddy Motown would be proud. 'Who's Daddy Motown?' asks my friend. 'Berry Gordy' I reply. 'Like Strawberry?" she asks. That is all I have to say about 5 After Midnight. A name I still hate. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Ryan. He hopes he can do the song justice. Given he's singing 'Superstition' let's just say 'no, you can't'. He keeps touching his willy. Constantly. He just keeps checking it's there. Leave it alone. The backing dancers have also been made to constantly touch him like he's hot stuff. They've been paid Ryan. Don't get excited. And leave your bits alone or we'll put you in a cone. He's trying to be Olly Murs. He's failing. He claps the audience at the end. Presumably for sitting through it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon didn't think it worked. Simon is right. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Honey G. Her Mum, Mummy G, comes to visit. This has to be a piss take. She's rapping/singing/performance arting - Mo Money, Mo Problems which qualifies as 'Coming Out' is sampled. It's as dreadful as you can imagine. There are two random men sat on a motorbike on stage (warning Sam, this is your 'rock' future). Honey G's hair annoys me. Always a perfectly blow dried feather cut. Louis calls her 'David Cameron in a wig'. Now I don't like her but that seems very cruel. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Gifty. I like Gifty. She's singing 'Rocking Robin'. She starts slow, I bet she's going to lose her shit in a minute. Oh here it is. She's very good. A proper performer. The judges agree with me and no one compares her to an old Etonian in a wig. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it is Saara, not Relley but Saara, oh Simon too funny. I assume she'll be on a chariot and dressed as Boudecia. Oh no she's dressed as Pocahontas. She's singing 'River Deep, Mountain High'. This is horrible. Do you remember in the 80s they used to give random celebrities their own variety shows and they'd sing a jaunty number. This is like that. Anita Harris and Orville are going to be next singing Downtown or something. I know she's Finnish and so of course she has an accent, but she over pronounces every word, like she's pissed and pretending not to be. Louis thinks the problem is is that people don't like her. Goodness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Least slag her off behind her back on a blog, not to her face. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGRTk0Rp1tLRqLy6Xa1uRj86zcneZoW41Ke7Rv4u3Cq4r5TtMMZWNpDlL6RNrCs6ucRcV0e7tYyLwhXFgZOAz8F0n1UKjjJ21tJ3xrwcu_Bn_-PYMvmNOHa-Y2_wOIHeJdmCiv8WCmNw/s1600/4+of+diamons.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGRTk0Rp1tLRqLy6Xa1uRj86zcneZoW41Ke7Rv4u3Cq4r5TtMMZWNpDlL6RNrCs6ucRcV0e7tYyLwhXFgZOAz8F0n1UKjjJ21tJ3xrwcu_Bn_-PYMvmNOHa-Y2_wOIHeJdmCiv8WCmNw/s1600/4+of+diamons.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it's Four of Diamonds. Interestingly, if you google image them you have to go through a lot of pictures before you get one that isn't of playing cards. They only knew they were back in the competition on Monday so we'll give them some benefit of the doubt. Especially as they would have to had to spend a lot of the week filming idents and pouting in to a fan. They're singing a straightforward rendition of 'Keep Me Hanging On'. They are literally just singing it. Hmmm. Louis apparently hates Girl Bands. This may be true. Louis says that Four of Diamonds are different because 'they are nice'. Louis you are on fire tonight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So that's that. I predict Saara, Freddie and Ryan for bottom 3. Saara to go. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-11524432077454720972016-10-10T16:43:00.002+01:002016-10-10T16:43:53.165+01:00X Factor Live Shows Week 1 <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yes, it's that time of year again. The nights are drawing in, you can finally wear a onesie and you can read a blog that isn't updated regularly enough. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I had spent the weekend in Oxford with my friends celebrating 25 years of friendship. It was lovely but a lot of alcohol was taken. Saturday's X Factor was therefore watched with my friend Julie on Sunday afternoon when we were in recovery. Hangovers may have influenced some of our opinions. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So with the return of Dermot comes the return of Dermot's dance. I think I am meant to like this more than I do. That said it's Dermot. Let the boy dance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nicole seems to be dressed as Wonder Woman but other than the outfits are disappointingly tame. I miss the days of Rita Ora wearing an oversize suit with one boob cut out. Made me feel alive. The theme tonight is 'Express Yourself' which means (as usual) the contestants sing whatever they want. Sharon seems proud that the finalists are from all over the UK. The rest of us know that this means that they'll be an appalling group from Scotland who stay in to the final due to the whole nation voting for them just because they're Scottish. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh and Brooks Way aren't appearing tonight because of circumstances. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First up is '5 After Midnight' </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They instantly annoy me because there's only three of them. Their VT reveals that dancing makes them happy. Good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They start from the back of the studio where they are pretending to DJ. They also start in a key not normal heard in everyday life, but they are so free spirited and carried away on their love of dance that things like tunes, hitting notes and having a stupid band name don't matter. They do a lot of creepy smiling at each other. This is meant to convey friendship. It does in a Disney children's programme, we're paid to like each other type way. I also couldn't care less if they're friends. Just sing in tune. There's a dance break. They love it. I don't. Julie's prediction 'Someone will say "What a way to start the show"' </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She's not wrong. For some reason the judges love it. Perhaps they were listening to something else. Simon says it sounds 'like a record'. Perhaps he was listening to that whilst we sat through a deeply mediocre version of 'Can't Stop the Feeling'.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Next is Sam Lavery.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sam is the one that Simon made remove all her make up. This is because Simon said it didn't express who she really was. That's right. A decision she made about how she wants to look was considered unauthentic. Luckily Simon was there to tell her how she really wanted to look. She looks 'real' now that Simon has told her how she really feels. She's singing 'Impossible'. It's fine. The good news is that she's sixteen so it's a good opportunity for Louis to get obsessed by her age and keep telling us all how old she is. Nicole comments that she is like Evanescence What a compliment. I personally would rather be compared to 'Len' or 'Hepburn'. Those classic bands. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saara A is next. Why she has to be A I don't know. There are no other Saara's in the competition. Sharon clearly doesn't know who she is and also thinks that she's from Norway when she is in fact from Finland. Saara's dream is to be a Disney Princess. Grow Up. She's singing 'Let it Go' but in a Gothic manner. It's very, very Eurovision. This is not a compliment. She's trying to be edgy and sexy whilst singing a song from a Disney film. Visually she reminds me of someone from Emmerdale. No one specific just someone with the general look of an Emmerdale actress. But dressed as an evil panto Queen. Again all the judges like it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ryan Lawrie is next. He's Scottish and a wildcard. He's singing 'Perfect' by One Direction. He is also putting far too much emotion in to it. Ryan love, you're singing a throw away pop song, not 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables'. I was distracted during this as I thought there was a man in the background doing weird hand gestures. He was actually playing the guitar but I had failed to see the instrument. I think Ryan mucks up the end of the song but no one else seems to notice. Given that I can't see musical instruments I am not going to argue my case on this one. My cat licked his bum throughout this song. I am not that flexible but this also reflects my feelings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Gifty Louise is up next. For her VT she is made to dress up in a coat made of dead mammoth and look pleased. I have absolutely no idea what she is singing but she looks like a pop star. She could be the Sunday night guest star, they also sing songs I have never heard of but do it well. I thought she was singing 'That's my Goal'. Which I assumed was based on the Shane Ward classic. Turns out it's 'That's my Girl'. By someone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I just laughed at a Talk Talk advert. I am hungover. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Relley C appears next which makes Sharon do a Birmingham accent. She's singing 'Shackles' as apparently a twenty year old middle of the road pop hit is how she 'Expresses herself'. She raps in the middle of it whilst her backing dancers bend on one knee. This is street. I am hip to the trends of today. I thought it looked like a supply teacher proving she was hip at the end of term show. I am guessing the standing ovation she got means I am wrong.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Matt Terry appears. Full disclosure I thought Ryan Lawrie was him. He's singing 'You Don't Own Me'. A song I have only heard through talent shows. I still feel it sounds like a mid musical number which gives people an opportunity to nip to the bogs. He really, really looks like Louis Tomlinson. His thing is hitting the high notes. All songs will be structured around this ability and the group song will have a middle eight where he will come to the front and hit a very high note. Trust me. It's the future. 'Old Man River' will be interesting. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Freddy Parker. He doesn't suit his hair colour. He also likes dogs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The song that was originally chosen doesn't adequately 'Express himself' so Nicole is going to choose one that expresses him better. She's changed it to 'Killing me Softly'. Which apparently is more him. It is fantastically boring, even though they're choreographed him getting up from the piano for the woahs. On the plus side I sorted out my bin during this. Simon knows it was shit. His face can not lie. So far I'm predicting him and Finland are in trouble. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bradley and Octavio appear except now they are called 'Bratavio' or Bravissimo as Julie insists they are called. I prefer to call them BO. I loathe them. Of course Louis loves them. Simon predicts 'It's going to be awful'. Simon is right. They are singing 'Boom Boom Boom, I want you in my room' which then segues in to 'Barbie Girl'. This could well 'Express themselves'. They sing everything together slightly out of tune whilst zebras move around in the background. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dog Shit try hards. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Emily has to follow that. I feel I could follow that, don't think you'll get an easy ride Emily. She has just turned 18 and in an ironic turn of events she is singing 'Never getting older'. I believe this song only has one note. She is also performing in some kind of polythene tube that slowly fills with gas. This is not her style. She knows it, we know it yet we all sit there politely watching it. Simon liked it or so he says. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh grief it's Honey G. Imagine living with her. Imagine it. I have new found respect for Bravissimo. I am not good with embarrassment. I just want her to stand a bit closer to the flames whilst she wears her nylon tracksuit. She's singing her own version of 'California' she's reached the Chico stage of the competition very quickly. I am not sure they are professional dancers on stage with her. Louis tells her that 'we need someone like you in X Factor'. Why's that Louis? Please explain your work. He also predicts that 'Tupac will be happy'. 'He's dead' Sharon tells him 'And he'll be turning in his grave' Nicole adds. Simon liked it. Simon I expected more from you. He also says that 'Only Sharon Osbourne could do this'. Anyone who wants to watch the world burn could do this. My only hope is that at some point she sings 'Honey to the Bee' by Billie Piper but changes it to 'Honey to the G'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My predictions: Finland and Freddie are the bottom two and Bravissimo are in the final 3 to make us think there's a hope they will go.</span></div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-50822170958399243542016-10-10T15:59:00.004+01:002016-10-10T15:59:59.531+01:00X Factor Results Show Week 1 <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sunday night is results night. James Arthur will be performing - a mere month ago this would have sounded like a sarcastic comment but he's now number 1. The judges come out and I admire how Nicole and Sharon like each other. Then I get angry with myself - I shouldn't have an opinion on this. They are women at work, it doesn't matter if they like each other or not. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">GROUP SONG. Singing Sax. A song that annoys me as it's about the love of Saxophone but the brass bit is played on trumpets. I think they turn Honey G's mic off for the singing. Finland is once again dressed as a panto villain. Clearly her look now. Matt takes the opportunity to do some squats and 5 am improvise their choreography. It's not where their giftings lie. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There's a recap. I only watched the show an hour ago so I read the paper. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">James Arthur seems like a nice chap. He has very good skin. He also raises awareness for <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/world-mental-health-day" target="_blank">World Mental Health Day</a> . Well done James. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'd forgotten how little content there is in the results show. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In no particular order: Relley C, 5 after Midnight. Matt, Sam, Ryan, Emily, Honey G and Gifty are safe. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnqDRvzPrUC8ViDx4wJH91bJvpbTI2lESIeSDeD1qTTRuARKFjQKlMLBwDohXUzZ_tjY2eRdHk0OhyU1kM6UR1agapruVttuBXAVOT1RDc23-irig3dDMI2Vwv4dBan067xm1CSiava4/s1600/Louis+baffled.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnqDRvzPrUC8ViDx4wJH91bJvpbTI2lESIeSDeD1qTTRuARKFjQKlMLBwDohXUzZ_tjY2eRdHk0OhyU1kM6UR1agapruVttuBXAVOT1RDc23-irig3dDMI2Vwv4dBan067xm1CSiava4/s1600/Louis+baffled.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My predictions are spot on so far. This would seem more impressive if I hadn't posted these at the same time after the results. Viewers now have to give a lifeline to the third act to save them. Results revealed after the break. Be still my beating heart. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lifeline goes to Freddie. This heralds the end of my boasting about my predictions. Please can Bravissimo go? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saara sings first. Dressed as a warrior on holiday she sings 'Alive' by Sia. It's very operatic. she can sing though. Bravissimo can't. Not that this means they are going. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louis promises that Bravissimo will sing their hearts out. Sharon: "Really?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love Sharon sometimes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The blonde one of Bravissimo is in a mood. He clearly can't believe he's in this position. We haven't recognised his talent. They sing 'The Only Way is Up'. Blonde is clearly weighed down by his trainers. He has to do a weird crouchy walk. And when he sings 'Up' he can only get one leg an inch off the ground. When they are finished Dermot laughs. He tries to cover it and fails. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louis saves Bravissimo. This is because he's their mentor. This is also because he thought it was good. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx7o2IzeHhyphenhyphenSn2B67K0O_DNzZVP5I8jSdMOA3kruws-Aq_IIigML_jC83IEKso0n13NgdjPf0zvqaqkZaTpn1NC45UIddGObOa3HnBd4rCgt9E93qTRd6je5wuGp605FPQnsvK0aUsTpQ/s1600/Bratavio+Sunday.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx7o2IzeHhyphenhyphenSn2B67K0O_DNzZVP5I8jSdMOA3kruws-Aq_IIigML_jC83IEKso0n13NgdjPf0zvqaqkZaTpn1NC45UIddGObOa3HnBd4rCgt9E93qTRd6je5wuGp605FPQnsvK0aUsTpQ/s1600/Bratavio+Sunday.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sharon saves Finland. Despite thinking she's from Norway. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nicole saves Finland. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon is going to send it to deadlock isn't he? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But no he sees sense, says 'Nice try guys' and sends them home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank heavens for that. Quiff takes it well, they wisely don't let Blonde talk. He's livid. They'll be on Celebrity Big Brother in a year. Blonde finally speaks, he's happy people understood his vision. I'm not sure you're as complicated as you think love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now to chose a theme for next week. They spin a wheel and it's 'Louis loves'. Wouldn't it be an amazing coincidence if 'Fright Night' was the same week as Hallo'ween. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-3703346558339445602016-06-24T18:45:00.003+01:002016-06-24T18:45:50.130+01:00Berlin and Pedro<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I went to Berlin last week. My word it's a lovely city. We got a deal in the BA sale. I suggest that you do to. It was excellent. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYxU6BriDXE5et8rR2JXUudgqMYBqBFtk6XglsYTUd5aiQLUsK1DniVjM2LY-Xd1Rn2EdqjndozWnpSJZyj80gFSHNvmovFY_hkwZObm-tDKGDZjJXO798n7r2PlebHRvrRUwZ-EFr0ug/s1600/20160621_153713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYxU6BriDXE5et8rR2JXUudgqMYBqBFtk6XglsYTUd5aiQLUsK1DniVjM2LY-Xd1Rn2EdqjndozWnpSJZyj80gFSHNvmovFY_hkwZObm-tDKGDZjJXO798n7r2PlebHRvrRUwZ-EFr0ug/s320/20160621_153713.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My other suggestion would be that you get a better map than we did. We got one that wasn't to scale. It also hadn't put things exactly where they were, just where they looked prettier on the map. So when we decided to go to the Jewish Museum we looked at the map and saw that we could go by two routes. Both around the same distance. This was a lie. It took us about an hour and a half to walk to the museum. It took us fifteen minutes to walk home. On the plus side we did 35,000 steps that day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">On the down side we decided to do a walking tour the next day. It was very interesting and we learnt and saw a lot. The problem was the 35,000 step count from the previous day meant that standing still was agony. To his credit the tour guide didn't seem phased by the three people doing weird moonwalking and step aerobic routines at the back of his group but it certainly doesn't concentrate the mind. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjifxNK-IoNQymx1UleM64HtBqQ8cGO4XaEuvjPqcClPUSrDWMuoiqh1d852Ig_TI_Pud2ReTnsd0Cfe9IFZuqTmn7aj2AJyGS2XBQiiDeuD5oNugveSfE8z3VJ_eJqJP3pxOxUb1Em4Qo/s1600/20160620_171247.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjifxNK-IoNQymx1UleM64HtBqQ8cGO4XaEuvjPqcClPUSrDWMuoiqh1d852Ig_TI_Pud2ReTnsd0Cfe9IFZuqTmn7aj2AJyGS2XBQiiDeuD5oNugveSfE8z3VJ_eJqJP3pxOxUb1Em4Qo/s200/20160620_171247.jpg" width="112" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVpDmt8exLhvXJtbFEqzSQ_GrtlXAyi5M8h7nWzGNfpvBI0_ZTez2-0aKoGRphcaR2CSOziD59yfGOwIG5bE904D_ohfMiyXIsq-G02n8Mn3p7nxKTjfilfyxbgjZneFoCpA27jiue36A/s1600/20160620_162052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVpDmt8exLhvXJtbFEqzSQ_GrtlXAyi5M8h7nWzGNfpvBI0_ZTez2-0aKoGRphcaR2CSOziD59yfGOwIG5bE904D_ohfMiyXIsq-G02n8Mn3p7nxKTjfilfyxbgjZneFoCpA27jiue36A/s200/20160620_162052.jpg" width="112" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was on our marathon walk to the Jewish museum that a rather odd incident happened. This isn't linked to Berlin and didn't really affect the holiday in anyway, it just, well, it just pissed me off. We were on a main street and a man asked me to take his photo. I took his phone, took a distinctly mediocre photo and handed it back to him. He shook my hand, shook my friends hands. He introduced himself as Pedro from Brazil. We all smiled. Then he asked if he could have a photo with me. Odd but yeah. He gives the phone to my friend and then grabs me. He then removes my bag and hands it to my friend. By this point I am pretty over the experience and just want to go. I sort of thought he was a pick pocket. I have no idea why I didn't just walk off (I am slightly annoyed with myself and then annoyed at myself for being annoyed with myself). Photo over we have another round of hand shaking. Then he kisses me on the cheek, then the other cheek. I back off and just as my mates step forward he goes in for the full pasionate snog and I get a mouthful of Pedro's tongue. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7DgY6AsqOHZv6UMR0Esr4C8bmns1flVWc-idvI-TnX4oppFNI5LDdzf1AbqhjVNehgViJT2ubMl1FqIfHxQviC_N1vpDZhqGzAwxUtaki7F7oCnLNtgEje_Btfz98KLIUY3xM7gqEQoI/s1600/20160619_183115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7DgY6AsqOHZv6UMR0Esr4C8bmns1flVWc-idvI-TnX4oppFNI5LDdzf1AbqhjVNehgViJT2ubMl1FqIfHxQviC_N1vpDZhqGzAwxUtaki7F7oCnLNtgEje_Btfz98KLIUY3xM7gqEQoI/s320/20160619_183115.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish I'd kneed him in the nuts. Instead I walked off. And this is why I am annoyed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Why the hell does he think it's OK to ram his tongue in to strangers mouths. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Why did I feel stupid afterwards? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. Why did I feel that I should have handled the situation better?</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIOz88eiOAVp0GdZFT_FfH9m1U8piJjWb66otkHCq6B6evKdQ9SxKXc2nxRLl8TqTPo-vfwOFqx0sZP9SsCrykDW8JBNNBWH21HlRLBd6FbbiByKA0Eqh-cEZUdcL1BO4E4xU0yRvKD8/s1600/20160620_144044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIOz88eiOAVp0GdZFT_FfH9m1U8piJjWb66otkHCq6B6evKdQ9SxKXc2nxRLl8TqTPo-vfwOFqx0sZP9SsCrykDW8JBNNBWH21HlRLBd6FbbiByKA0Eqh-cEZUdcL1BO4E4xU0yRvKD8/s320/20160620_144044.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYJGLbRCGs0vPOh-1PWkiOz_srINy8XwzIjzs5941NQbew-6qSN_HZmvTsBpOROPRQPzUpDJLTgkESmV9MORKnmjMls2XIvOleAq53yOQgrd83Uyda5zoOtq5P7NkFahdRqaD6Dgid59k/s1600/Berlin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYJGLbRCGs0vPOh-1PWkiOz_srINy8XwzIjzs5941NQbew-6qSN_HZmvTsBpOROPRQPzUpDJLTgkESmV9MORKnmjMls2XIvOleAq53yOQgrd83Uyda5zoOtq5P7NkFahdRqaD6Dgid59k/s200/Berlin.jpg" width="112" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. Why didn't I walk off when I started to feel uncomfortable? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5. Why did I worry more about being polite than feeling comfortable? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">6. Why have four of these points been about what I did wrong rather than just the one point of 'Fuck off Pedro you massive twat'? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway. Go to Berlin. If you meet Pedro offer to take his photo and then walk off with his phone. And for heavens sake delete the photo of me from it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I apologise for the random placement of photos. The bear isn't Pedro. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-27198708825090736682016-05-05T11:05:00.000+01:002016-05-05T11:05:25.098+01:00The House. A short story<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She always said that the house chose her. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although she lingered in front of the estate agents for
months, humming and hawing over the cost, the number of bedrooms, the location;
the moment she stepped over the threshold the house was sold. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The walls whispered her name. And very few people ever said
her name. Days, weeks could pass without her being addressed but the house knew
her name and used it from the moment they met. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She moved in six weeks later. According to the experts that
was unusually fast but to her it felt like an eternity. A return to being
nameless and unacknowledged. The house
greeted her as she heaved her boxes in to the lounge. Said her name
appreciatively as she knocked down cobwebs and cleaned the windows to let the
light in. That first night she sat
amongst the boxes and treated herself to a glass of wine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Should I paint the walls blue?” she asked the house. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Silence. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Green?” she offered. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Silence. She thought harder. Tried to match the mood of the
house. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Yellow?” she asked eventually. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Yes.” Replied the house and breathed her name . </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She felt pleased to have made the right choice. She knew she
wouldn’t have acted without the house agreeing. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Each day she went to work and went back to being nothing. A
girl with no name. Part of the furniture. Bland. Ignored. Nameless. It both
bothered her and didn’t bother her. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She wasn’t bothered as she now had something who knew and
appreciated her. If she counted the number of times she was ignored during the
day she knew that she would be doubly acknowledged when she got home. But at
the same time she was bothered. She had become accustomed to being noticed by
something. Mattering. She had become used to hearing her name said aloud. Her
name savoured by someone, said with love, lulling her to sleep. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She lavished the house with love. It started as
reciprocation, she wanted to thank the house for seeing her. For wanting her.
For choosing her. Then it became a need. She wanted more. She wasn’t even sure
what more there could be, what more could a house give her? But she felt there
was something else so she pushed, doing more and more in case she could earn
it. She treated the house, kept an eye out for things she thought it would
like, wanting it’s approval. Wanting all it had to give. So she dusted and
polished and sewed and swept. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She rushed home from work and polished brass. She spent
lunchtimes pouring over colour charts. She laid tile samples on the floor and
felt calm as the house whispered to her. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally she was ready for her final act of love. She felt
the house deserved fine wooden floors. The house agreed with her. Actually the
house seemed very keen on this idea. It was the happiest she had heard it. She
rented a sander and struggled home on the bus with it. She didn’t feel like an
inconvenience or stupid as, as usual, she was ignored by the people around.
They simply moved around her to stand on the bus and squeezed past her to get
off at their stop. She didn’t even muster an ‘excuse me’. People looked blankly
forward as she bounced the sander down the steps and no one batted an eyelid as
she yanked the power chord free in the nick of time as the bus pulled away from
the kerb. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The house welcomed her home and she began to rip up the
carpets. The house cheered her on. She ripped up the tired hallway carpet to
whoops of happiness. The living room carpet was removed to shouts of joy. By
the time she had been working for a few hours the house was positively
animated. It shouted, yelled, almost screamed her name. The name that had
remained unsaid for so long echoed from the walls. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Things reached a crescendo as she tore up the carpet in the
dining room. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">‘I know’, she soothed the house. ‘Think how smart you will
be with your new floors.’ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The house shouted until the floorboards began to vibrate
with the sound. She put her hand on the floor to try and calm the house and to
steady herself. As she wobbled forward her fingertips brushed against a ridge. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">‘Yes.’ The house said. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She pulled on the board and the house roared it’s approval.
She lifted and there beneath the floor sat a man on a low stool. He looked at
her and she looked back. Her heart swelled with love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“You’ve been calling for me” she breathed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“You’re not who I thought you were.” Replied the man who was
no longer a house. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It turns out that Sarah is a very common name. </span></div>
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-8991901304320457612016-05-03T11:25:00.000+01:002016-05-03T11:25:05.507+01:00#amwriting <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0cxtDdn2Lu7d1qGNjJeaS2ImyzExcqA8eZkZ8vBpX7MK9cqp0BF2o690VvyMSRR8xRaTX__rqdMkqK2QxokWZm0uhHuajyw-d_4Obxdx_lCyYPUFbzy1B5ThoZvME8pGJ2SQsuCddyOk/s1600/amwriting+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0cxtDdn2Lu7d1qGNjJeaS2ImyzExcqA8eZkZ8vBpX7MK9cqp0BF2o690VvyMSRR8xRaTX__rqdMkqK2QxokWZm0uhHuajyw-d_4Obxdx_lCyYPUFbzy1B5ThoZvME8pGJ2SQsuCddyOk/s320/amwriting+1.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's the hashtag that's sweeping the nation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's not. But I like it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mainly because it tends to be one person boasting about their word count and a thousand others telling you what they are doing other than writing. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ynp6ig2JKIXCv9uv4jRIgv_kRhZohrCuvDL3uvau2MOhPQGBeAHr7z2sUxPKHSaeUjQlYxkBOJfzHaTdH07S81hjsXisXoIG9EmMFHGFArsNtO49wFqBGPIRdFGNfJn2Xnr6uFEVCRw/s1600/amwriting+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ynp6ig2JKIXCv9uv4jRIgv_kRhZohrCuvDL3uvau2MOhPQGBeAHr7z2sUxPKHSaeUjQlYxkBOJfzHaTdH07S81hjsXisXoIG9EmMFHGFArsNtO49wFqBGPIRdFGNfJn2Xnr6uFEVCRw/s320/amwriting+2.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today I am writing in a coffee shop so I don't get distracted. It's a lovely independent, local coffee shop. Big tables, great coffee, I will do well here. Unfortunately someone is being interviewed for a job at the next table and it's horribly fascinating. So far the interviewer has banged on about himself for twenty minutes and recommended that the girl he's interviewing doesn't give up the job she currently has. I am trying to concentrate on what I am doing but I keep getting drawn in (he's just used the word 'bosch' - and not in relation to a washing machine), it's dawning on me that I am just transcribing what they are saying. She wants to do marketing. She feels that where her skills lie. His reply: "well that's really the one area we don't need help in."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh thank goodness. They're finished. The bad news is that I now need something else to distract me. Or I could do some work. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlzF1he7-A5Rf_yFKlcjzc3nbkCo3H6ph_haIlLYJfbKF6Lfq64Z1VuA1td7wvpw3K0R8h0M9rCI3s-hcm1QwQCt46VMFjFRK4re1q1YsE-uB4vRTziUpeg01y-Qp5_ZZN-w0WZfaNLpY/s1600/amwriting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlzF1he7-A5Rf_yFKlcjzc3nbkCo3H6ph_haIlLYJfbKF6Lfq64Z1VuA1td7wvpw3K0R8h0M9rCI3s-hcm1QwQCt46VMFjFRK4re1q1YsE-uB4vRTziUpeg01y-Qp5_ZZN-w0WZfaNLpY/s320/amwriting.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although this blog post may not show it the writing is going quite well. I got an agent at the beginning of the year which was brilliant. Not because I am now writing all the time and wafting around in velvet carrying a quill but because it was confirmation that I wasn't wasting my time and should give up, go back to work full time and stop being a deluded idiot. Now when I am sat in coffee shops eavesdropping on people I am doing it because I #amwriting not #unemployed. Although to be fair the end result is pretty similar. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ooh two old women have just come in . One of them went in to to London last night...back in a bit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">By the way the weird photos are what comes up if you google #amwriting There was also someone's wedding photo. I don't know why. </span><br />
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</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-58565924298001853022016-05-03T11:04:00.004+01:002016-05-03T11:04:34.245+01:00Cat Lady <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhMISqsdPQuD5Vq6Tky365YRnXfGpEM53NquZf8MnGfccWkWfEc1LvTQD5c0CM-ZFfyqihnXWTo88wvaOPxq32Bqq91IkT_1XjuSoFCEecAa2tGoZILJ4luMiGsBzaFHMeyhGDzAGjSmM/s1600/20160503_103927.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhMISqsdPQuD5Vq6Tky365YRnXfGpEM53NquZf8MnGfccWkWfEc1LvTQD5c0CM-ZFfyqihnXWTo88wvaOPxq32Bqq91IkT_1XjuSoFCEecAa2tGoZILJ4luMiGsBzaFHMeyhGDzAGjSmM/s200/20160503_103927.jpg" width="112" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have a foster cat. His name is Sox which I don't like so I am tying to convince him he's called Sir Bernard Sox. He's not keen. I am also quite hopelessly in love with him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've always liked cats but never had one. When I was growing up, my brother was/is allergic to animal fur so we never had any animals in the house and then since I've lived on my own I've worked unpredictable hours and it didn't seem fair to leave a cat on it's own for ages. Now however I am writer/freelancer/layabout and so I thought the time could be right. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I decided to foster through the RSPCA as I like the idea of giving a cat a nice home for a bit before they go to a permanent home. Or falling in love with a cat and praying they don't get adopted so I can keep him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sox was a sad cat when he arrived. He'd been a lap cat and then his owner died and he ended up in a shelter where he proceeded to have a breakdown. He arrived about a month ago and set about proving how many places there are to hide in a one bedroom house. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SUwqMm7DEJrUOu9x-seykDhvyf54_pzQIYmz8JZHSSGpcrnaNtD1n7Aiugr_eL6jYgo83YSyXpaKYZp9_bmGf9prIgAMu-3oStTNl0AboIZc3hT1KgBoc5tKhySt6n_cZnROgRvoHcc/s1600/IMG_20160419_192527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SUwqMm7DEJrUOu9x-seykDhvyf54_pzQIYmz8JZHSSGpcrnaNtD1n7Aiugr_eL6jYgo83YSyXpaKYZp9_bmGf9prIgAMu-3oStTNl0AboIZc3hT1KgBoc5tKhySt6n_cZnROgRvoHcc/s200/IMG_20160419_192527.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I went out for a few drinks the evening he arrived. When I came back he was gone. I couldn't find him anywhere. In my slightly addled state I at first thought he'd shot out when I'd opened the front door so I put my coat on and went to look for him. No luck. When I came back I still couldn't find him so I assumed that I had imagined getting a cat and went to bed. On Sunday I traced him to under the bath (which I had no idea you could get to). Working on the assumption that if he got in he could get out, I left some food in the bathroom and left him to it. By lunchtime I had visions of a dead cat under the bath so took the side off the bath and there he was staring at me like I was an idiot. Which is fair. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I left him to it. Only to discover he'd gone again. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEoEN82lzebWTxj_0aOangAE7_Ppd1Wpsu7DZFmPRzMDP4sQ51WDbikd3tBiEk7EakP8UgWI8yktOi6G6JwwLz2CGGbyHjSWbw5yW1Zp20NgOTPieCMv8B0KvKRIrU6JNxq9i0Lxo3-ZE/s1600/20160502_183806.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEoEN82lzebWTxj_0aOangAE7_Ppd1Wpsu7DZFmPRzMDP4sQ51WDbikd3tBiEk7EakP8UgWI8yktOi6G6JwwLz2CGGbyHjSWbw5yW1Zp20NgOTPieCMv8B0KvKRIrU6JNxq9i0Lxo3-ZE/s200/20160502_183806.jpg" width="112" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">By Wednesday morning there was still no sight or sound of him. I began to compose messages to the RSPCA to let them know that I had killed a cat in three days. I went to work and the cavalry arrived in the form of my friend Adrian who took the kickboards of the kitchen and found him. I was sent photos of the cat finally eating and seeing daylight. I went home ready to spoil him. Only to find he'd gone again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It turns out he was throwing himself down a six inch gap by the side of the fridge and then getting stuck under it. The joys of a suicidal cat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Three weeks later and he's like a different cat. He follows me around, he sleeps with me (in a strictly platonic sense) and likes to be no more than a few inches from me. Unless I have visitors. If it's Adrian, I am dead to him and they rejoice in one another. If it's anyone else, he buggers off and hides. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have fully embraced being a cat lady. I know that I am mere weeks from bottling my own piss and wearing felt hats. I am also aware that this is probably not reciprocated. I know that if I fell down the stairs and died he would eat me. But I know that I would be fine with that, I'd just be happy he was eating. </span><br />
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-43912182245778853332016-03-19T14:31:00.001+00:002016-03-19T14:31:06.808+00:00Binge Watching <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was on the radio the other day. I hope you like how casually I dropped that in. I'll also casually drop this link here so you can listen again if you so wish. <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03lzcyb">http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03lzcyb</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, in-between making sparkling comments about subjects I knew next to nothing about, but not letting that stop me, we discussed (off air and eventually on air) binge watching. The presenter is addicted to 'House of Cards', someone else was addicted to 'Orange is the New Black', some threw in how they had watched all of 'Mad Men' in a week or couldn't get enough of 'Breaking Bad'. I suspect them of humble bragging. These are the programmes that we should be watching. The critically acclaimed, Emmy nominated dramas that are discussed at dinner parties. Trying to pass them off as a guilty pleasure doesn't wash with me. Incidentally unless your 'guilty pleasure' is strangling kittens then your pleasure isn't guilty at all. It's just something you enjoy. Own it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am binge watching at the lower end of the scale. Until you've sat and watched (and on occasion recorded) 'Tia and Tamera' then you know nothing Jon Snow. I believe that's from 'Game of Thrones', I wouldn't know, I've not watched it. I prefer to my porn without back story and dragons. Plus I've been too busy watching 'Guiliana and Bill'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">'Say Yes to the Dress' is my particular jam at the moment. In it brides go to a enormous bridal store, run by people who are too invested in their clients lives, to choose a dress for their ' One Special Day'. Even those who are on their 4th or 5th marriage still describe it as their 'One Special Day' so you are not expected to be able to count to enjoy this programme so I am right in their demographic. For reasons unknown the Brides also take along their entire families, in laws, friends and a few randoms they've met along the way. At least one of these people must not want to be there and be very vocal about it. Two family members must tell you that you look fat in everything you try on and there should be a grandmother there who only likes dresses with a high neck and Queen Anne sleeves. Each bride wants something unique that represents her as a person. They all leave with variations on the same dress. Except when someone does choose something unique and they go away with a monstrosity that the shop has been trying to get rid off since 1982. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgWHHd8e6a4m1CenOAyMRDOk33paPucR0mQDaxKh5XnORzyYq5wXEkZRxj51tkl2qLAuuzWYTJ-YFNo6V5DYAexuJMTBO5EG35L1QvwqnjkyZV9kr_LSOQ25drqtey6DrFHyQXrFlYX0/s1600/say+yes.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgWHHd8e6a4m1CenOAyMRDOk33paPucR0mQDaxKh5XnORzyYq5wXEkZRxj51tkl2qLAuuzWYTJ-YFNo6V5DYAexuJMTBO5EG35L1QvwqnjkyZV9kr_LSOQ25drqtey6DrFHyQXrFlYX0/s1600/say+yes.PNG" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It is possible to lose whole days of your life to watching this. Especially when you discover that there is a bridesmaid addition, where the rule is that one bridesmaid is hated by all the others, including the bride. There also has to be a sassy, single sister who's main aim is to get her tits out in her dress and refuses to wear anything that thwarts her in this purpose. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let's just say I got to the point where I could recognise episodes from the EPG synopsis. 'Today's bride considers herself a 'little bit country' but does her Pastor Mother have other plans?' </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD_mARQys-TgMb_sdYf7BaJXQ_08s9VtHwshPaoSI_2zJn90p-jsoiOe2xdgLAZ0VFYe7SX5h1vo4WQZYX7LNkV55EXTwjmA9VrsFzZl7Xzuy0h6zc3563lx1JAN0SVFxBkXeUSQIl0bA/s1600/something+borrowed.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD_mARQys-TgMb_sdYf7BaJXQ_08s9VtHwshPaoSI_2zJn90p-jsoiOe2xdgLAZ0VFYe7SX5h1vo4WQZYX7LNkV55EXTwjmA9VrsFzZl7Xzuy0h6zc3563lx1JAN0SVFxBkXeUSQIl0bA/s1600/something+borrowed.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In an attempt to wean myself from this I started watching 'Something Borrowed, Something New'. This is where brides have to decide whether they are going to wear a revamped version of their Mother's wedding dress or buy a new dress. The best case scenario is that they end up with two wearable dresses. The normal scenario is that the Mother's dress is hacked to pieces leaving her in tears whilst the bride decides to wear a dress that hasn't been cobbled together out of yellowing lace and enormous shoulder pads. I actually had to stop watching this when there was a bride who spent the whole episode saying how tiny she was. 'Oh I'm so petite, I'm so petite'. As if she went home and slept in a matchbox covered by a hanky. Her Mother's dress was too small on her. I cheered. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Most recently I have become obsessed by 'The People vs OJ Simpson'. Sadly I can't binge watch and have to watch one episode a week. It's like being back in the stone age. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiVOSJZe6678yEUy_zN0Zv5EXRCLXxdjFy4n-X_K5UnUZQqUgXv80LqLR4n83TeSMuSY6ajKNVUUtjjPbPefh53lc2se1tOeatee_0HJ7NSK_vkMBcvTcfuE6LwKQNZKHvKYkxEHR9IcY/s1600/Melty.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiVOSJZe6678yEUy_zN0Zv5EXRCLXxdjFy4n-X_K5UnUZQqUgXv80LqLR4n83TeSMuSY6ajKNVUUtjjPbPefh53lc2se1tOeatee_0HJ7NSK_vkMBcvTcfuE6LwKQNZKHvKYkxEHR9IcY/s1600/Melty.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't really remember the OJ Simpson case. I was fourteen when it all happened and British (still am!) so I had no idea who he was. Watching this programme, good grief, it's insane. As is John Travolta's face. It's like he melted and then tried to recreate his face out of play doh and dog hair. The other revelation is David Schwimmer playing <strike>Ross</strike> Robert Kardashian. If this is an accurate portrayal then he was in love with OJ Simpson and spent his days disco dancing with 'Juice' as he insists on calling him. Occasionally he'll stop by and see his family and give them pieces of advice like 'Fame isn't everything'. I think we know how that worked out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now I know my viewing habits aren't great, but they are enjoyable. Being able to name every winner of America's Next Top Model isn't a transferable skill but I wouldn't imagine being able to make crystal meth from watching Breaking Bad is that useful either. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Actually that's crap, one of those things is definitely more profitable than the other. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-71847688914818485342015-11-30T12:22:00.004+00:002015-11-30T12:22:41.440+00:00X Factor Jukebox Week - Results Show<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Carrie Underwood is performing (I have her album) so is
Sigma ft. Rita Ora ( I don’t have their albums). Caroline and Olly do a strange
dance. I think it is an in joke. I’m fine being out of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here come the judges. Rita looks normal. To compensate she
is doing a ridiculous walk. Oh and while we’re not talking about it why is
Bollie pronounced ‘Bow-lie’. Surely it should only have one L? Now the endless
and pointless recap. Seriously just make the programme ten minutes long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2S2ouigg__AAn-MlWzc4Z0DUALipZ7qJ4tdAENlfO1T7RIV-JRsV2PrxalJXqeSpBuSYoa0lKi-WJvvJ5ucxE_br8LalaRx-zUxhErsf5d0-oN2QHjY8E80mbJ8dSxBAOJ8K97TI2Lkc/s1600/Earth+Song.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2S2ouigg__AAn-MlWzc4Z0DUALipZ7qJ4tdAENlfO1T7RIV-JRsV2PrxalJXqeSpBuSYoa0lKi-WJvvJ5ucxE_br8LalaRx-zUxhErsf5d0-oN2QHjY8E80mbJ8dSxBAOJ8K97TI2Lkc/s1600/Earth+Song.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Group song! It’s Earth Song. Is this linked to the climate
change talks? Or is it just appalling taste in music? I still can’t believe
this song didn’t sort climate change. Reggie
and Bollie actually sing (just a line each) but it’s not awful. The contestants
go in to the audience and start high fiving people. Oooh imagine high fiving an
X Factor contestant. High five anyone, literally anyone, it’ll be the same. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Another recap. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Carrie Underwood performs. I love her but this may not be her audience. Or from the sound of
it, her song. She may have found it on the way in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Random chat with the judges. Seriously just cut the show
down. Simon has hiccups. That is the full link. Now Rita performs with Sigma.
Is she wearing a tool belt? She can sing though. Could do without the fake
ravers. Imagine the stage instructions – have fun! Now! More fun! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Adverts – Simon is giving away his own car? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Results. Safe: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Ché </b>– see all you needed to do was forget your words. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Louisa </b>– Very happy <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Reggie and Bollie </b>– enough is enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I reckon Lauren will go. But first the sing off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What’s the betting one of them will be wheeled on in an iron
lung? But they don’t want to talk about it? Oh grief they’re singing ‘I’m
telling you I’m not going’. You might not get a choice dears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQta38z2ie0g2gmDugvk7GGP5CHyLQJSnSJlEul5PDyoIgJMdsp3N3FBAu5sSLxuEAs3IL3JNPcFiRc6NIUMtM2arQCu84tj4k6D-nVe8u2mvpwLtP4hOL8wwDDhxo2lvhgWvJGU_WA_g/s1600/Cropped+flares.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQta38z2ie0g2gmDugvk7GGP5CHyLQJSnSJlEul5PDyoIgJMdsp3N3FBAu5sSLxuEAs3IL3JNPcFiRc6NIUMtM2arQCu84tj4k6D-nVe8u2mvpwLtP4hOL8wwDDhxo2lvhgWvJGU_WA_g/s1600/Cropped+flares.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m distracted by a pair of cropped flares one of them is
wearing. She looks like a hulk sailor mid transformation. One judge will say ‘THAT’S
how you sing for survival’. I still long for the days of Janet Devlin retching
her way through <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQin4PsqBus" target="_blank">Mmmmbop</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lauren next. She needs to hoik the crotch of her jump suit
down. Still may help her with the high notes as she’s singing ‘Vision of Love’.
Bloody hell, she really can sing. Let her stay. No repeat of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bCcFLYcqkQ" target="_blank">this </a>though <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita sends <b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b> home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cheryl sends <b>Lauren </b>home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick sends <b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b> home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Olly bodges up the rules again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon sends<b> Lauren</b> home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bloody deadlock again. Caroline does it to avoid Olly
sacking Rita or something. <b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b> go home. See ya! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-71493887546866942102015-11-30T12:18:00.002+00:002015-11-30T12:18:30.984+00:00X Factor Jukebox week - Saturday Night Show <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S7z2BYcrYqNP7t-kHzpb0N-DIqDYDNf44fQ1OTx-IEDqWjxMqqD03BaN_HUpE00Ft8eB_pRw7UVE0xnsgb_IoJ43qKhyG_6y_0XrVPBRANbPMm6CSvGrS1TkciFMvOoRyBorNETb6bE/s1600/Rita+ice+dancer.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S7z2BYcrYqNP7t-kHzpb0N-DIqDYDNf44fQ1OTx-IEDqWjxMqqD03BaN_HUpE00Ft8eB_pRw7UVE0xnsgb_IoJ43qKhyG_6y_0XrVPBRANbPMm6CSvGrS1TkciFMvOoRyBorNETb6bE/s1600/Rita+ice+dancer.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here come Caroline and Olly. Caroline is auditioning for a
role in Chicago. Judges all come out with their acts. Except Simon who comes
out to ‘All by myself’. This is actually pretty funny. Not as funny as Rita who
has come as a male ice dancer. Everyone is singing two songs tonight. One
chosen by the public (twitter, there weren’t elections) and one by the judges. This
is in keeping with the policy of ‘any song ever written’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYTHB4qPmwm67BUDUPrVLVlzfggTIZGi5mINhYvTaktBPGa67gnEEol-vvq3jaFEnziXWMvszjGQKwlcYJE02miDpnPBVQc0u2ziUQgMOJgkhPpJuSTeG8EYdoTIY8phpnAg8yCb1jM0/s1600/Louisa+beiber.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYTHB4qPmwm67BUDUPrVLVlzfggTIZGi5mINhYvTaktBPGa67gnEEol-vvq3jaFEnziXWMvszjGQKwlcYJE02miDpnPBVQc0u2ziUQgMOJgkhPpJuSTeG8EYdoTIY8phpnAg8yCb1jM0/s1600/Louisa+beiber.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Louisa </b>is up first. The public allegedly want her to sing ‘Love
Yourself’ by Justin Beiber. A song I inexplicably love. With any luck this
performance could be the cure. In her pre-song VT her friend comes over and
they have a staged conversation. Then she sings. It’s not as good as usual,
weirdly awkward and stilted. Belt it out love. Oh here we go. It’s not really
improved it. The jarring key change didn’t help, never mind, we can’t all be
Westlife. Her face shows that she knows it wasn’t good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cheryl liked it. Simon thinks she looks tense. Apparently
she’s not well. Didn’t do a VT about it though did she 4<sup>th</sup> Impact? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact </b>are up next. This week they did an
interview with Nick AND met Fleur East. Is Fleur stalking the new contestants?
Popping out occasionally to say ‘A year ago I was you. Now look at me. In a
years time you could follow X Factor contestants around and tell them that this
could be them.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They sing ‘I’ll be there’ dressed as bridesmaids. One of
them hits a high note really badly. That is the best bit. Cheryl is loving it.
Simon was pleasantly surprised. He must have been expecting Armageddon. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bloody hell. <b>Reggie and Bollie</b>. If Twitter has any sense it
will make them sing opera. Instead it’s ‘Whip Nae Nae’, which I am assuming is
popular with the youth. Wow. This is a completely new break out style. Oh no.
My mistake, it’s the same as every other week. They go to Winter Wonderland
this week for reasons unknown and get this, they meet Fleur East. For the
performance their kids come out and dance with them. They also, cunningly, stay
on stage for the judges verdict. This is the equivalent of using your kids as a
human shield. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ZQcMFK6v8z7dRVjd9UNlEBhQfyeT6XGXxvFqUsNmykTsMtwJiYrlInrCXFSd5yeueSER7A_H5obXPHHMRpW2iqklpsvWhxQIgQLh6zskMt-kYfCQAqUcdvley6NokT94fn2n8zuckIY/s1600/Firestone.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ZQcMFK6v8z7dRVjd9UNlEBhQfyeT6XGXxvFqUsNmykTsMtwJiYrlInrCXFSd5yeueSER7A_H5obXPHHMRpW2iqklpsvWhxQIgQLh6zskMt-kYfCQAqUcdvley6NokT94fn2n8zuckIY/s1600/Firestone.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Lauren</b> goes to Essex this week and meets some orange people.
She is not allowed to meet Fleur East. She’s singing ‘Light Up the World’ Which
apparently is called ‘Firestone’. If they had any sense they’d use some of
those orange people as stage decorations for a literal translation. Instead she’s
standing on some tube tracks with a train coming towards her. Which is fine
because she spends half the song pretending to be a siren. Simon thought it was
the wrong song. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Human guinea pig<b> Ché</b> is next. He is clearly traumatised
about last week but has to pretend he isn’t. He’s going to sing ‘The biggest
song in the world.” Yes, he singing <s>‘One million Green Bottles’</s> ‘Hello’
by Adele. But this is Ché so he could well sing it to the tune of ‘One million
Green Bottles’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Has he screwed it up? Or is this a new style? I think he’s
mucked it up. He claws it back, sort of. If that was an arrangement then that
was pretty strange. He sung it in a way which implied he’d never heard the song
before. Which as we all know is impossible. The judges solve the mystery, it
wasn’t planned but Rita congratulates him on making up his own melody. This is
the same school of thinking that claims that ‘all spellings are valid’. This is
how we end up with kids called Bephany. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They all sing another song. <b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b> first. They’re
actually singing a ‘mash up’ oooh sounds the alarm (Lauren will do). They’re
hoping to use these songs to explain who they are. I’m hoping for SClub 7 style
intros, including Rachel doing her thing. Note: This is Rachel’s thing: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTbLqMHjPByjcF7AufbEloLUOeKdiIWOSqPg16QGzt4CAJVLYjqDdSC8VJx7G_J2iiGTk9Pv692h5FwZoCAndeRX2gdT_SCZZBC5Sc46czOV8pPf5PRat-IPUCHS6VPORmg4O1SQFtzw/s1600/Rachel%2527s+thing.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTbLqMHjPByjcF7AufbEloLUOeKdiIWOSqPg16QGzt4CAJVLYjqDdSC8VJx7G_J2iiGTk9Pv692h5FwZoCAndeRX2gdT_SCZZBC5Sc46czOV8pPf5PRat-IPUCHS6VPORmg4O1SQFtzw/s1600/Rachel%2527s+thing.PNG" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They pretend to be dolls. It’s not that bad. Simon gets a
clap for knowing their names. They’re written in huge letters behind them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglSajNnFuhAw01UhI1ZxzXS_qLtWqGU4RLM7bKPpNKHKjVXgYTCWfVl6ocxhc1YQPT3sxcwZlcAvxnMFym4XA96JtcwPEAfRv-UoiQXdl9RAYEWdKz9DjETTfKHpF-ywpw0K8NnFUcPog/s1600/Sandi+toksvig.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglSajNnFuhAw01UhI1ZxzXS_qLtWqGU4RLM7bKPpNKHKjVXgYTCWfVl6ocxhc1YQPT3sxcwZlcAvxnMFym4XA96JtcwPEAfRv-UoiQXdl9RAYEWdKz9DjETTfKHpF-ywpw0K8NnFUcPog/s1600/Sandi+toksvig.PNG" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0BdY6sjYAGZLZNPYfxCZftTATiSVQwp4zDKHUjsVs11Ds41kOlElKCrisxv0w7EGMsX-1GaqVoFKetALQ4Wc9zSQQ5TSk6R6WlubIN9u9tblSOE9p618DJL0q7lABlaRodp0K03xYtGk/s1600/Foul+jacket.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0BdY6sjYAGZLZNPYfxCZftTATiSVQwp4zDKHUjsVs11Ds41kOlElKCrisxv0w7EGMsX-1GaqVoFKetALQ4Wc9zSQQ5TSk6R6WlubIN9u9tblSOE9p618DJL0q7lABlaRodp0K03xYtGk/s1600/Foul+jacket.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Ché </b>meets his dad. Not Fleur East. He sings ‘Try a Little
Tenderness’. It’s sticking to what he knows. And it’s fine. His jacket however
is beyond foul. If they were hoping for slimming stripes they failed. He looked
like Sandi Toksvig. It’s dull and boring but on the positive side he knows the
words and 70% of the tune. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFIum0aJobjfSbs1DrOMZVllK6qc3sTbt62vgE5kojIxVDYjj5BJyfhJ3jWaZVUOaotYA-u2hxPuIgukYcuG5Fn6XxDKMh8hj3Ut4Z0JZf0psEsEsXUPiy34Z0mmVBIpcvHYybqVDN440/s1600/glam.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFIum0aJobjfSbs1DrOMZVllK6qc3sTbt62vgE5kojIxVDYjj5BJyfhJ3jWaZVUOaotYA-u2hxPuIgukYcuG5Fn6XxDKMh8hj3Ut4Z0JZf0psEsEsXUPiy34Z0mmVBIpcvHYybqVDN440/s1600/glam.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is an ominous threat in<b> Lauren’s</b> VT. They are going to
make her look uber glam. Her hair and make up are actually OK. Her dress is
not. No idea what the song is. Sounds like an Andrew Lloyd Webber filler song
from a lesser known musical. One you sing in front of the curtains whilst they
change the scenery. She turns in to a car alarm again. She can’t walk in her
dress and heels. Glam! Cheryl thinks the song makes her relatable. Who hasn’t
dressed up like Joan Collins and bellowed power ballads from a fire escape? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Reggie and Bollie</b> go on Nick’s breakfast show. They’re
singing ‘Dynamite’ out of time and badly. But they jump nicely and they were
able to use the same drum track from every other song they’ve sung. They’ve
written their own rap, it includes the words ‘We’re on X Factor so we can’t
complain’. I’m not and I can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi317e8bPGN-HpJG4ijhZ9A7Bl2sEFv7Ah5TEjPKKa9vLQ0viWbpDbVq2nzU85YS-m0p5mqmroUyCdXmp6btheBnGxwg2MzujdAWbxxWfbzEljnUOdEtox47oonnUIibqoEEyPuYJyuU4I/s1600/squat.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi317e8bPGN-HpJG4ijhZ9A7Bl2sEFv7Ah5TEjPKKa9vLQ0viWbpDbVq2nzU85YS-m0p5mqmroUyCdXmp6btheBnGxwg2MzujdAWbxxWfbzEljnUOdEtox47oonnUIibqoEEyPuYJyuU4I/s1600/squat.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Louisa</b> is singing a power ballad. I have no idea what the
words or tune should be but it sounds about right. She clearly means it as she’s
doing the ‘mean it squat’. Everyone knows you only mean a song if you squat
like you’re pooing in the woods. Simon and Rita give her a standing ovation.
Cheryl thought it was better than her first song AND she’s ill. No chair
demands though. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Based on that Ché can get out and take Reggie and Bollie
with him. But it’s actually going to be Lauren and Ché. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-81709204714351545852015-11-30T12:15:00.001+00:002015-11-30T12:25:24.655+00:00X Factor - Love and Heartbreak Resutls Show<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My word Rita loves a wide leg trouser. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After a mini recap we immediately go to the group song. They’re
singing ‘Fell in Love in a Hopeless place’. Worth watching for Anton bellowing
like a hip Grandad. Then another recap for those with amnesia. Or for anyone
who’s been watching for three months without having a clue what’s going on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Nathan Sykes performs. He’s from the Wanted apparently. He
plays a jazzy piano and plays a song that is legally different from ‘All of You’
by John Legend. There’s then some awkward chat with the judges before Olly
performs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hey Olly. If you’re trying to do a new job it’s probably
best not to come out and do something you’re infinitely better at. The only
downside was that he accidentally stumbled in to an aerobics class to sing but
is carrying on bravely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXwZChkaMcoDW-kRL1paxNFflmQ-zGH9su62axtm3U9G-JsrW1Y7wTHmLInswcGYNygYulfoqIuKBinL9aneJ4ZIIEtBPGAB590ixPoPCBdBfaIaMaiVLTZmSLs20TNwY5J3aJVYvi7_c/s1600/Olly+backing+dancers.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXwZChkaMcoDW-kRL1paxNFflmQ-zGH9su62axtm3U9G-JsrW1Y7wTHmLInswcGYNygYulfoqIuKBinL9aneJ4ZIIEtBPGAB590ixPoPCBdBfaIaMaiVLTZmSLs20TNwY5J3aJVYvi7_c/s1600/Olly+backing+dancers.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Why do the dancers have to wear up the bum swimming costumes?
Olly is allowed to wear clothes. They could do their job and be clothed from
the waist down. Shit like this is why I keep showing my nieces Bananarama
videos. ‘Look they’re pop singers and they’re allowed to wear dungarees’. I’ve
decided I am going to become a pop star.
JUST so that I can wear jeans and a
t-shirt and lead Olly Murs around the stage by his penis. For no reason at all.
The song will be about catching a bus or something but for staging reasons he
has to have his lad hanging out his trousers for all live performances. In an
awful post song chat with Caroline Olly pretends he chose those outfits
himself. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH UGH. Olly couldn’t choose bloody pick and
mix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Results. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Safe <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Lauren – Goes bananas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4<sup>th</sup> Impact – Happy and wavy <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Louisa – Jumpy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Reggie and Bollie – Oh dear. Anton angry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So the bottom two are Anton and Ché. Do we need to bother with
the sing off? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ché sings Alicia Keys. He makes it his own. Unrecognisable
and warbly. Then he goes nuts. Impressive but do you have to do it all the
time? Just sing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Anton sings. He is intense to a powerful degree. Don’t make
him go back to being a West End performer and backing singer. The horror! He
sings that George Michael song about turning stuff down. Exclusively heard on
talent shows. Wisely there are few close ups. He’s chosen to sing it like
someone squaring up for a fight in a car park. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Nick saves Ché<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Simon saves Anton. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="PT-BR"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rita saves
Ché<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Cheryl saves Ché. She says it’s not personal. Anton clearly
thinks that’s bollocks. Congratulations Anton. Although you’re officially not a
winner you have stayed true to the spirit of X Factor which is the belief that
even if you sing songs that are twenty years out of date in the style normally
seen in crap cabaret, you STILL believe that you are a credible and viable
recording artist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj47mM52JS6VTdf_VFyGdmgvfB7dbKJuPYn3jhg9JZ6tHMR3ediJGVaThrr34ugHKOmsNf1tdWr2s0h_kdUk16ZMiKdNjx4wUvQtxKCzom-7bWThtEVqMUnlzlK6ifnxcHNani0QGlPPk/s1600/Chris+Maloney.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj47mM52JS6VTdf_VFyGdmgvfB7dbKJuPYn3jhg9JZ6tHMR3ediJGVaThrr34ugHKOmsNf1tdWr2s0h_kdUk16ZMiKdNjx4wUvQtxKCzom-7bWThtEVqMUnlzlK6ifnxcHNani0QGlPPk/s1600/Chris+Maloney.PNG" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Keep on believing. That kind of thinking leads to this: </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-27851183307366389602015-11-30T12:12:00.001+00:002015-11-30T12:12:13.642+00:00X Factor - Love and Heartbreak. Saturday Show. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sticking to the normal over-arching theme of ‘Any song, ever’
the official theme this week is ‘Love and Heartbreak’. So unless someone is
going to sing that one about a moped by Macklemore they can sing literally
anything. It’s a double eviction again tonight (they may have spent too long
faffing around wit</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">h judges houses and six chairs) but in a twist – one act goes
tonight. Ooooh. Olly can’t say elimination. This is the funniest thing Caroline
has ever heard. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here come the judges. Rita is doing this on purpose now.
Today she is Liberace inspired by Pat Butcher. It is beyond foul. We enjoy some
awkward banter and then comes the first contestant. Human guinea pig <b>Ché. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu5QBK8ZIwYBOQVG4twCwExiw_mJ4P0o_-MjgwZAnUMA3U5tT9rz0Ix_8e4ETSZaBiokZrZJ8nWq-JgC6cFiRZ7wMyZliXNUd_br5bXlxJrwegxZPOLe5Fs4qcHrwwIDUGhxVG6YuHQ8A/s1600/Beatle+Guinea+pig.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu5QBK8ZIwYBOQVG4twCwExiw_mJ4P0o_-MjgwZAnUMA3U5tT9rz0Ix_8e4ETSZaBiokZrZJ8nWq-JgC6cFiRZ7wMyZliXNUd_br5bXlxJrwegxZPOLe5Fs4qcHrwwIDUGhxVG6YuHQ8A/s1600/Beatle+Guinea+pig.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This week his girlfriend has come to visit and inspire him.
Well it is love and heartbreak week. He’s so inspired by seeing her that he
decides to sing a song about a dead relative. He’s singing ‘Yesterday’. Now
there is generally a rule. If you are at a national event, live television show
or bingo on a Wednesday it is decreed that Paul McCartney will turn up with a
piano and sing ‘Hey Jude’. Singing a Beatles song is like saying ‘Candy Man’
five times in a mirror. Paul will appear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_AlSpx2zqmGls8m8fFvLBlg_21Pu2MaMP5mo0YdQfVkFfFzkxBnRDg4EczbWZDDVd9yEkgNZLOXpEjOfbZi7O2jbBe7NURp9HF3qiMxefVjEK3gj2g7ywSxUJ7oIYixmzQuyIG4AvPaU/s1600/Paul+Hey+Jude.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_AlSpx2zqmGls8m8fFvLBlg_21Pu2MaMP5mo0YdQfVkFfFzkxBnRDg4EczbWZDDVd9yEkgNZLOXpEjOfbZi7O2jbBe7NURp9HF3qiMxefVjEK3gj2g7ywSxUJ7oIYixmzQuyIG4AvPaU/s1600/Paul+Hey+Jude.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hang on, he might not, as this is completely unrecognisable.
Ché has decided to change the tune to some howling and warbling. Fair enough,
the Beatles weren’t known for their tunes. You often listen to the White Album
and think ‘what this needs is a fifth round X Factor contestant to add some
polish’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just sing the tune you be-suited Guinea Pig. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick and Cheryl stand up. Perhaps they have piles. Rita
forgot who he was singing. This is a compliment. Backstage Paul is packing up
his piano. No ‘Hey Jude’ for you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Anton</b> is next. In his VT we immediately learn that Anton is
sad. We know this before we see him because of the sad music. To cheer him up
his dog comes to visit. Anton is singing ‘One Sweet Day’. He’s singing it in
the style of a constipated serial killer auditioning for the role of the
Hunchback of Notre Dame. It’s terrifying. And not enjoyable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick doesn’t love it. Anton loudly and bizarrely claims that
he’s not putting on an act. If Nick goes missing check Anton’s floor boards.
Rita says it’s awful and Anton is fine with that as she didn’t say he was fake
(neither did Nick). Anton then repeatedly apologises to Nick. This is
uncomfortable. And it’s still going on. GO TO ADVERTS. Adverts. Thank heavens. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it’s<b> 4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b>. We re-live the medical drama
from last week and then they skype the family. Who are very far away. These two
things are just randomly mentioned by the way. They are not in any way a
cynical ploy for votes. They are singing ‘Ain’t No Other Man’. For love and
heartbreak week. Not your traditional first dance. It’s fine if you like growly
singing and slightly awkward flirting with the camera. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2xy4NIkSv9oS0-P574sEpx4guotzrZ-HZhgr_I2cwqGXn_Xx5BxF9WzE7Y0K5svEmTasxQt8JUtSkEkfN-gjzgaEO7nLf7HscgqRkeLn1HkJM5JsUsNSXclbq6MtTcQkji-QphIL9EyU/s1600/Lauren+unimpressed.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2xy4NIkSv9oS0-P574sEpx4guotzrZ-HZhgr_I2cwqGXn_Xx5BxF9WzE7Y0K5svEmTasxQt8JUtSkEkfN-gjzgaEO7nLf7HscgqRkeLn1HkJM5JsUsNSXclbq6MtTcQkji-QphIL9EyU/s1600/Lauren+unimpressed.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now <b>Lauren</b>. She met Fleur East and Alan Carr this week. So
she’s peaked. Lauren is singing a song that has helped Rita through heartbreak.
I have literally never heard it before. Oh yes I have it’s ‘We Belong Together’
by Mariah Carey. It’s very ‘Roxies
Nightclub in 1997’. Mixed bag from the judges. Simon criticises the backing
dancers. Like Lauren has spent the week choreographing them. Her face reflects
this opinion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now <b>Mason Noise</b>. For some reason he is filmed pretending to
work at his old job and then (to show how much his life has changed) he goes to
Westfield. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He’s singing ‘Jealous’ by Nick Jonas. I am jealous of people
who haven’t heard this. Now he’s dancing sexily with a lady dancer. They’ve
paid her Mason, she doesn’t really like you. Don’t get any ideas. Judges are not thrilled. Bye Mason. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This week <b>Louisa </b>goes to see her Dad at a building site. It’s
no Alan Carr. But gosh doesn’t this show me how down to earth and relatable she
is? No. She’s singing ‘Let it go’ by
James Bay. She’d be better off with the Frozen version. The judges love it. But
they were going to weren’t they really. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh grief. It’s <b>Reggie and Bollie</b>. They go and see their
family . They seem like nice people. Perhaps they should spend more time there
and stop singing dreadful songs on the X Factor. They’re singing ‘Shut Up and Dance
with Me’. Romantic. It’s shouty and all it’s missing is a vuvuzela. Simon
predicts they are going to be in the final. Remember – Simon thought Bupsi was
a credible finalist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Who’s going to go tonight? Anton. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Who’s going to go tomorrow? Mason. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxIL9UKcA7Ej6rsdEiSRCEi2Vm2WDBgccaS9ZA26N77X28D_k5XywA4_LOXJfbfdSoiVFhbSzjDJ2rcR4lQ5CvHpeDxiAsHIB6DnYu6Zxe3Vb8h_6Yf7lze9qC3fVcstnZPrprxlQpgWs/s1600/confetti.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxIL9UKcA7Ej6rsdEiSRCEi2Vm2WDBgccaS9ZA26N77X28D_k5XywA4_LOXJfbfdSoiVFhbSzjDJ2rcR4lQ5CvHpeDxiAsHIB6DnYu6Zxe3Vb8h_6Yf7lze9qC3fVcstnZPrprxlQpgWs/s1600/confetti.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lauren will be in the bottom two as well. Now a performance
by Rudimental and Ed Sheeran. There’s lots of ticker tape and this rather
derails the post performance interview. The judges ignore the multi million
selling Ed and instead throw confetti at each other. Those krazeee guys. Ever
the professional Olly Murs continues the interview and manages to get an
exclusive: Ed Sheeran is looking forward to Christmas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it’s the flash vote. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lauren is safe - bang goes my predictions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ché is safe – Screams yes to a completely unrecognisable
tune <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louisa – goes nuts. I doubt she is that surprised. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Reggie and Bollie – play vuvuzelas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjyLZcbNx3JQMjI0a3QQfkT0yX1zYdDEDReCC7KdqFTvYFvZMa6sIJfasMNYpKgzN1cL2Rt9VwLDAliGPff8qfBJG_37uHv4nZhfz1GUt6_g9y8Hs7UdzOiI_A89Upt30Prs796A1_kxo/s1600/Mason+sorry.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjyLZcbNx3JQMjI0a3QQfkT0yX1zYdDEDReCC7KdqFTvYFvZMa6sIJfasMNYpKgzN1cL2Rt9VwLDAliGPff8qfBJG_37uHv4nZhfz1GUt6_g9y8Hs7UdzOiI_A89Upt30Prs796A1_kxo/s200/Mason+sorry.PNG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So it’s down to Anton, Mason and 4<sup>th</sup> Impact.
Mason goes. “How would you sum up your time on the show Mason?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Sorry”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-16383976381488118502015-11-16T15:59:00.002+00:002015-11-16T15:59:31.426+00:00X Factor Week 3 Results Show. - One Direction and Jess Glynne <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's a double eviction again this week. I'm guessing they have to keep culling contestants to give more airtime to the endless recaps. One Direction and Jess Glynne are singing this week. No Cee-Lo Green but I guess we'll struggle on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's the judges! Rita has forgotten her trousers. Everyone remembers their manners and no one mentions it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Group song! It's 'What a Feeling' from Fame. What a weekend for premier gangsta rapper Mason Noise. Hold that head high Mason, sing your line from your heart. I'm fairly certain that Reggie and Bollie's mics are off. As they finish the song all the contestants congratulate one another. Monica looks sad. Some may think she doesn't want to go. I think it's more likely that she's having a terrible moment of clarity. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSRuywCywK0vFtkclETKZpeNL7aI0X0Ut8CVTzxwJcHJfMS9yhD9XwrYDQluFPW4rp9yc4sxZ4GM5igIQXy-AIxvRSwqM7aktMDX7Xo0_92i9V7GIj-AFBiXvDkRiBl1ERPfAYMqS52Xc/s1600/spice+girls.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSRuywCywK0vFtkclETKZpeNL7aI0X0Ut8CVTzxwJcHJfMS9yhD9XwrYDQluFPW4rp9yc4sxZ4GM5igIQXy-AIxvRSwqM7aktMDX7Xo0_92i9V7GIj-AFBiXvDkRiBl1ERPfAYMqS52Xc/s200/spice+girls.PNG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Recap. Read the previous post at half the speed you normally would. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now Jess Glynne. Is wearing a suit and a bra back??? SOUND THE SPICE GIRL KLAXON. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSKbjh0PzcdnxKCkUVIcAzt0LgCCkNUy5aUEWj146Xg1ui1-o479pJL0R2XU0Bp4MXCG_YrLwVvNXx8EkoAsZt7IfBWgk9Hydx6uKK2OgyghXpyKVajM60mwk_JoYJJ0Vke9h5EoRW_RU/s1600/Jess+Glynne.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSKbjh0PzcdnxKCkUVIcAzt0LgCCkNUy5aUEWj146Xg1ui1-o479pJL0R2XU0Bp4MXCG_YrLwVvNXx8EkoAsZt7IfBWgk9Hydx6uKK2OgyghXpyKVajM60mwk_JoYJJ0Vke9h5EoRW_RU/s200/Jess+Glynne.PNG" width="200" /></a> Jess is carrying on bravely despite having come off worse in an argument with a chip pan. Nice enough song. Good voice. Not the most dynamic interviewee. Likes the word 'yeah'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then One Direction. Oh they are proper pop stars. I do like them. They also very clearly need some time off. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now the results. It is explained in excruiating detail how this works. It's the 12th series. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Safe </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mason - Looks surprised and immediately says sorry </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Laura - Screams </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ché - Eats lettuce and squeaks </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Reggie and Bollie - I combust with rage and miss their reaction </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louisa - Goes bananas </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4th Impact - Cry. One of them makes a lemsip </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Max is immediately eliminated. He's as bland in going as he was in the competition. So it's Anton and Monica for the sing off. Anton is going to be insane. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Monica sings as her best bits play in the background. I have never heard the song she is singing. I may not be the target audience for this programme. She's very good. She also means every word - this is shown through squatting. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anton is singing 'If you don't know me by now'. He is nowhere near as good as Monica. It is also insane. He is showing emotion through mumble shouting. This is when no word is identifiable but very loud. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So it goes to the judges. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick sends home Monica. For reasons unknown. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita sends home Anton </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cheryl sends home Anton </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Olly interjects to explain the rules. Except he gets them wrong and it's all a bit awkward. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon sends home Monica so it goes to deadlock. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Except in Olly's mind Monica is going home and he has the microphone so he tells her goodbye. Caroline corrects him and Olly apologises non stop for five minutes.<br />Turns out he was right any how and Monica is going home. You're well out of it love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Olly's turn in Headmasters office Monday morning. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Who is voting for Anton? Who? </span><br />
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-34624348785692497562015-11-16T15:42:00.002+00:002015-11-16T15:42:30.041+00:00X Factor - Live Show Week 3 - We're Gonna Sing Some Songs From The MOVIES (sort of) <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's never easy for an entertainment show to come on air shortly after terrible world events. But, all credit to the X Factor, they handled it pretty well. Change any songs which could be considered controversial, short and heartfelt statement from Simon and then business as usual. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was movie week on the X Factor. Also known as the usual category of 'any song, ever heard'. This was hammered home in series 6 of X Factor when Jamie Afro sung 'Crying' from the world famous film 'Gummo'. Name a song that is not in a film. There's your theme. The standard for the evening is set at knee high level when Olly and Caroline attempt to recreate <strike>a reasonable double act </strike>the lift from 'Dirty Dancing'. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpiWR_Y9xgXE8AsmS6KoI76UOOeOZwtVuLtaQyk3m0YVkQRUJGPy5IiB0cNnwUm-6th5U591GhwaOVpM84pybIVWqHW_p03ZKA4agdZQnytt_8XFK4wlQXTcqYcDy-oFdwiTM3ATfO2-Y/s1600/Queen+Mother.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpiWR_Y9xgXE8AsmS6KoI76UOOeOZwtVuLtaQyk3m0YVkQRUJGPy5IiB0cNnwUm-6th5U591GhwaOVpM84pybIVWqHW_p03ZKA4agdZQnytt_8XFK4wlQXTcqYcDy-oFdwiTM3ATfO2-Y/s200/Queen+Mother.PNG" width="138" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh here come the judges. They all look disappointingly fine. Except Rita. Who is wearing something that probably seemed like a good idea at the time. She also can't walk in it and has to be guided on and off the stage by Nick. It is reminiscent on the final years of the Queen Mother. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally it's time for some actual singing. <b>Mason Noise</b> is up first He survived the sing off last week so has to prove that he can be a credible and relevant artist. In his VT he goes home to Birmingham and his Dad tells him that he has to be himself. "You're on that show 'cos you're Mason Noise''. Well technically you're on that show because you auditioned, you got through, you had a tantrum and you were deemed preferable to other people who are better than you. Anyway to prove himself and be himself he decides to sing 'Men in Black'. Nick declares that it is 'Criminal not to use his gift'. Presumably this is a gift for novelty rap. Now correct me if I'm wrong but if the trip to Birmingham and his declaration that he wanted to be himself means anything then he should be singing 'Funky Moped'. Instead he's being himself by rapping in a fake American accent and exactly replicating someone else's work. This may not be the culmination of Mason's dreams. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is dreadful. But Rita loves it. Look at Rita's dress. She can't be trusted. Cheryl loves it. Simon thinks that Mason is 'different'. Well no one else is singing this. Nick loved it. He found it 'exciting'. Nick screams on the teacup ride. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Next up is <b>Max Stone</b>. What's he going to sing in a reggae style tonight? I'm guessing 'We Don't Need Another Hero' on a ukulele. I'm wrong. It's a song by Bruce Springsteen from Jerry Maguire. Max and his permanently worried face are in a fake forest for unknown reasons. Oh the songs called 'Secret Garden'. Very good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is also appalling. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No ukulele. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These two statements may be linked. It sounds a bit like he's singing along to the radio but isn't too sure of the words or tune. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick liked it (shocking) but wanted more emotion. He wanted it to directly recreate the film. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita liked the pace. I don't know if she expected him to sing it faster than the music but as long as she's happy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cheryl has never heard the song before. What a shame this was her introduction. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon reveals that Max sang this for his girlfriend. If I was her I'd be packing my bags. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh it's the Mog Sainsburys advert. Oh this is nice. Doesn't really encourage you to get a cat though. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx20rDJ2aA9dMpf9WS5JJUqH5cm7WN94midgLDo4el56HAUaj8lSDbRplavvDBrBeq3faKj-544Q6q_1kEXSl3ULc0qLTz5tjQgKzFL7hg3J6VmiNAEmTh4rtHf8oYovFZjT9NEP_mdmc/s1600/leona.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx20rDJ2aA9dMpf9WS5JJUqH5cm7WN94midgLDo4el56HAUaj8lSDbRplavvDBrBeq3faKj-544Q6q_1kEXSl3ULc0qLTz5tjQgKzFL7hg3J6VmiNAEmTh4rtHf8oYovFZjT9NEP_mdmc/s1600/leona.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Louisa Johnson</b> is next. She wants to sing 'Lady Marmalade'. She is seventeen. Rita wisely tells her that she can't. This is the best decision Rita has made. Instead she sings 'Everybody's Free' from Romeo and Juliet (and aqua aerobic classes up and down the land). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita says this makes her feel like she's just had a roast dinner. Louisa wants to be an inspiration...like Leona Lewis. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm just going to leave both those statements there. Do with them what you will. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She's very good. It makes me sad that she is judged alongside Reggie and Bollie. The judges love it. As they should. Oh grief, after the break it's Reggie and Bollie. Let's have an advert break to prepare. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">MUPPETS. And they're advertising giant crumpets. I need both these things. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Monica Michael. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hopefully this week she is wearing something that makes her look less like a Madam. She had to change her song at the last minute. She's now singing 'What is Love'. I have no idea what film this is from. It's also not the Howard Jones song. I thought it was and she'd just really made it her own. It's good. No idea what it's from though, and neither does google. Judges like it to. There's an overwhelming sense of relief that she's not been styled like last week. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7GO4x6aDkLHfO6V1sF6JRUBEVzA1JUg3caxTRuKRXqv6jjMUidoi0Dhr6JTi3JijZM-aiiIP_Z6TSrh1guN2u3Q8m1JzZUL5P1zeh0q6gXJ0mq_hALuXnkP17moCVtqGCVo2nswD5LS8/s1600/rugrat.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7GO4x6aDkLHfO6V1sF6JRUBEVzA1JUg3caxTRuKRXqv6jjMUidoi0Dhr6JTi3JijZM-aiiIP_Z6TSrh1guN2u3Q8m1JzZUL5P1zeh0q6gXJ0mq_hALuXnkP17moCVtqGCVo2nswD5LS8/s1600/rugrat.PNG" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Reggie and Bollie</b> are next. Cheryl wants to show their voices off. Oh Cheryl. They sing 'My Heart will go on ' before segueing in to 'Who Let the Dogs Out'. This is forced fun. See also glamorous granny competitions and anything involving whipped cream and balloons. You feel you should be enjoying it and don't want to be a bad sport but you hate everything about it and want to go home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Best summed up as 'Who let the dogshit out'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon refuses to believe there is a film called 'Rugrats the Movie'. From a man who released a Power Rangers song. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxLYxvHyTY4CXjvPuSQ0Dj2PTsSzr2pCvjrzRHoOwbBmkjkncLszZVXV37blBmYKCynHBDmOL_UdsGuxkMigNoIXfjCfOwt_T5390LYoHMB9HqJ84PtdXsAGGbs48RyGM0tJEMalMYKa8/s1600/Nick.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxLYxvHyTY4CXjvPuSQ0Dj2PTsSzr2pCvjrzRHoOwbBmkjkncLszZVXV37blBmYKCynHBDmOL_UdsGuxkMigNoIXfjCfOwt_T5390LYoHMB9HqJ84PtdXsAGGbs48RyGM0tJEMalMYKa8/s1600/Nick.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now <b>Anton</b>. Just when you think it can't be any worse than last week it is announced he's singing 'I have Nothing' from the Bodyguard. Anton watches back last weeks performance which includes an excellent plug for Talk Talk. Unless his TV has been hacked. Anton wants a standout performance. For some reason this involves everything being in black and white except for his blue jacket. He sings in the manner of a toddler having a tantrum, lots of breath holding and bearing down. Nick loves it but doesn't like people closing their eyes. Fun fact, every time Nick closes his eyes he wonders where the world has gone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All comments are positive - bye Anton. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>4th Impact </b>next. One of them collapsed back stage but is still performing. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE A FUSS. They sing 'Work it Out' from Austin Powers. I have the same issue as always. Great harmonies but individually they're bloody awful. I have no idea what the backing dancers are doing. They get a standing ovation and as if on cue the ill one has to sit down and sip water. Never mind that she was twirling around minutes earlier. Just get off the stage love. She's like the ill person who insists on coming to work then spends the day telling you how ill they are. Draping themselves over printers and sighing and coughing. GO HOME. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Laura Murray</b>'s VT is a strange thing. They make her walk the streets of her home town to see people's reaction. She goes to where she has her nails done every week. She comments that everyone knows who she is. Yes love, you go there every week. She is singing 'One Last Time' by Ariana Grande. It's good (in a bellowy way) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then <b>Ché</b>. I'd forgotten him. I have dedicated whole hours this week to trying to find a picture of a guinea pig in a suit. I couldn't. So I drew one. You're welcome. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrnM1CMxs32cZnj-5jmt9EeW5Q_92PrCix9jHmFH5ncdddjqSl1h4hbnj93acXL_WTRMBjYc8-unCozrgaMorSC593ZqnpXIXSCn77o8KI-CNWEqAgOGp5-Ndv2QPzuUyOE80y3BrkVBI/s1600/Che.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrnM1CMxs32cZnj-5jmt9EeW5Q_92PrCix9jHmFH5ncdddjqSl1h4hbnj93acXL_WTRMBjYc8-unCozrgaMorSC593ZqnpXIXSCn77o8KI-CNWEqAgOGp5-Ndv2QPzuUyOE80y3BrkVBI/s200/Che.jpg" width="112" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He's wearing a leather jacket. Oooh he's a bad boy. Or a market trader. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He is singing 'When a Man Loves a Woman'. The only note I have written for this is 'Sing the fucking tune'. I completed a level of candy crush whilst watching this. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He gets a standing ovation - ugh. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If there was any justice it would be Reggie and Bollie and Mason to go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There isn't so it will be Anton and Mason with Max saved. </span></div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-26643099675811218672015-11-09T12:46:00.001+00:002015-11-09T12:46:12.718+00:00We Faced the Music - Sunday Night Results Show <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlQvUhv8_ZavNEhbYMv5WD_KaaCMi46BxvzwpqxPaGHDiNPjR4TM2QsuRrJ-Z0QrPLBVheYtxBFKsbFueoMXNCTL0oHfpKgpuAkPGQ5hhVqd8cdbTdJxlHyXeEay0zUI17CDNT5-v-1Ag/s1600/celine.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlQvUhv8_ZavNEhbYMv5WD_KaaCMi46BxvzwpqxPaGHDiNPjR4TM2QsuRrJ-Z0QrPLBVheYtxBFKsbFueoMXNCTL0oHfpKgpuAkPGQ5hhVqd8cdbTdJxlHyXeEay0zUI17CDNT5-v-1Ag/s200/celine.PNG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As sure as night follows day. A result show must follow a night of distinctly mediocre karaoke. Here come the judges. They all look fine. Except Rita. She is dressed as Celine Dion at the Oscars. Nick could stand to do a few buttons up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it's time for the best part of the night. The Group Song. This week it's something 'very special for Rememberance Sunday'. Also translated as 'something horrific with members of the armed forces made to stand on stage'. They sing 'Fix You'. Which includes the lyrics 'Could it be worse?' Well I could be there live and not have access to a mute button. All the contestants are trying hard to show just how much they care. This unfortunately has the affect of making them look like they care about nothing other than themselves. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There follows an endless recap. Please immediately re-read the previous post. For once the recap is handy. I had completely forgotten about the existence of Kiera. Probably won't be a problem for much longer. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fleur East performs. I didn't watch the X Factor last year so I have no idea who she is but she came second and now she's back to prove she's a pop star and perform for the judges and show the contestants what they could one day be. Much like returning to your old school. Although you don't have to go back to your old school in a glittery leotard and gyrate on the teacher's desk. She's very good. Oddly obsessed by sax. Is this something from last year or a recent development? </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtAdRkJbNcZpY2DZFhrYoIQB6oQidyYvWOpWFJRia8ZUwY1HmBqNCynCLtsrxDdqzWvyTMUA7-AL4peWS5IbFGiXDvZwScVIA9P_HA_x2Bh1zjN4L9BNvqAkNbKlkzxj1JM5NlMc0EyME/s1600/babarpapa.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtAdRkJbNcZpY2DZFhrYoIQB6oQidyYvWOpWFJRia8ZUwY1HmBqNCynCLtsrxDdqzWvyTMUA7-AL4peWS5IbFGiXDvZwScVIA9P_HA_x2Bh1zjN4L9BNvqAkNbKlkzxj1JM5NlMc0EyME/s200/babarpapa.PNG" width="182" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPOXivW2ThYVGQsM9WNIxxhITRqafy5gU6IjGiwKTmrP-ccdYOpxBEu_rn8UkX3IgBaQJxikAQiWSXRvn7FQ5T4DNsdpEOys-eLTlbY9sqbawSZTJ4EmA5RHooQXC-XXAw4WD-5ijQ-Q/s1600/Ceelo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPOXivW2ThYVGQsM9WNIxxhITRqafy5gU6IjGiwKTmrP-ccdYOpxBEu_rn8UkX3IgBaQJxikAQiWSXRvn7FQ5T4DNsdpEOys-eLTlbY9sqbawSZTJ4EmA5RHooQXC-XXAw4WD-5ijQ-Q/s200/Ceelo.PNG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then Cee-Lo Green sings. That must have been a proud day in the bookings department. He's wearing a onesie made of flowers and looks like Babar</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">papa. I can't understand a word he is singing. Apart from 'woah'. It's something about fried eggs being music to his soul. He also has some contestants from Double Dare as his backing singers. Least he's enjoying himself. It's worth noting that he's the only celebrity I've seen who's gone to the effort of remembering ONE of the contestants names. So when he's asked who he likes he can say a name. Rather than mumbling that he likes them all. Well done Cee-Lo. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEe3Rw2whKmsRbLT2Njk8DtyzBe7FxwuEF7FnBWZhfL5fYoKGK83z4t7pGsZgWjyGee77ng2lx_5TueyGd0bDfZ9FI32VPvNObZpl2kV0xVBC0kqqS8pEV0g7oIvdOC8qyjlq1DQCv1ys/s1600/double+dare.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEe3Rw2whKmsRbLT2Njk8DtyzBe7FxwuEF7FnBWZhfL5fYoKGK83z4t7pGsZgWjyGee77ng2lx_5TueyGd0bDfZ9FI32VPvNObZpl2kV0xVBC0kqqS8pEV0g7oIvdOC8qyjlq1DQCv1ys/s1600/double+dare.PNG" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally it's the results. Bottom three are Kiera, Mason and Seann. Seann? Kiera is swiftly dispatched without even a best of. Think of it as a blessing Kiera. You would have been made to sing 'Sweat (lalala long) whilst wearing salopettes if you'd stayed in much longer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The sing off is between Mason and Seann. Mason sings 'End of the Road' in annoying wobbly voice while his best bits play in the background. Sorry appears in large letters. Just go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick sobs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seann sings a song I have only heard on talent shows. He shits all over Mason. Not literally that would be a staging decision too far. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simon sends Mason home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cheryl sends Mason home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita remembers to make it interesting and sends Seann home</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nick has a breakdown and sends it to deadlock. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bye Sean. The only interesting talent in the whole thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rita and Nick are going to be told off by Uncle Simon. </span></div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-69781789030570891412015-11-09T12:24:00.000+00:002015-11-09T12:24:38.620+00:00It's Time to Face the Music. X Factor Saturday Night Show <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If it’s Autumn it must be X Factor. We’ve sat through weeks
and weeks of auditions and they never found anything as good as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmPG7OW7NZw" target="_blank">this</a>. But
finally after auditions, boot camp and judges houses (why did Nick Grimshaw go
to Center Parcs? Budget cuts?) we finally arrive at the Live Shows. Well
actually we arrived last week but here we go with a run down of week 2. Last
week Bupsi and Alien left. No great loss to anyone but as we catch up with the
remaining contestants they all have to pretend to be sad about it less they
appear unsympathetic. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s reinvention week. A theme up there with ‘This is Me’, ‘1980s’,
‘Songs from films’ and ‘Songs I once heard once that time’. This theme is a
chance for the contestants to ‘make a song their own’. The equivalent of
borrowing your neighbours dog and not giving it back. This is the only time
that ‘That was unrecognisable’ is a compliment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Caroline Flack and Olly Murs take to the stage. They seem to
have finally mastered not speaking at the same time and now exude all the
confidence and relaxed natural vibe of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPncTy2AKeI&list=RDCPncTy2AKeI#t=11" target="_blank">Prince Charles enjoying a break dancing display.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Time to meet the judges.
As usual Simon’s shirt is slashed to the waist. Unusually he has a black
eye. This is credited to Anton having got overexcited and headbutting Simon.
Given that the rest of his face looks like a collapsed bean bag and he can’t
open his downward turned eyes it’s possible he has indulged in a spot of botox.
Cheryl looks good. Nick looks like a child who’s won a competition and has
borrowed his cousins suit. Rita’s dress proves that Mrs Rochester made it out
of the attic and </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">started a fashion line.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally. We are allowed to watch some people sing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>4<sup>th</sup> Impact</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSCFVtBkqcjkWJnwJfvYWIBXwuub48HAGh5JynBMvn_8f6nwpEwvUPqHeQstl8tLzF7xW3NWtl3zMJtW59adl7XB2aW5_Dg78kLNaDlGg9KH21g5XYz8BKBWAQc-093D68I2PRSIcFxgw/s1600/4th+impact.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSCFVtBkqcjkWJnwJfvYWIBXwuub48HAGh5JynBMvn_8f6nwpEwvUPqHeQstl8tLzF7xW3NWtl3zMJtW59adl7XB2aW5_Dg78kLNaDlGg9KH21g5XYz8BKBWAQc-093D68I2PRSIcFxgw/s200/4th+impact.PNG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd35o_G9iPtCnPHqAX9y1PIhlIfcEDC0TWccnlLHix8FrzFjTkW2CumbCRntNrnAoWS2TYTloW4jALqOJAS7XYGYeiKLVJvHZfB98TJ-ABr9oPr-YDVIgZ1GBR5tehUOfqWarYeJYe-00/s1600/muppet+babies.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd35o_G9iPtCnPHqAX9y1PIhlIfcEDC0TWccnlLHix8FrzFjTkW2CumbCRntNrnAoWS2TYTloW4jALqOJAS7XYGYeiKLVJvHZfB98TJ-ABr9oPr-YDVIgZ1GBR5tehUOfqWarYeJYe-00/s200/muppet+babies.PNG" width="108" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Their VT shows them losing their minds at the words ‘Mash Up’.
Unlike last week they are not dressed as the Muppet Babies and are attempting
to be current. They do this by singing a Girls Aloud song from 10 years ago. They
sing ‘Sound of the Underground’ but get this, they do it in front of an
underground train. You could put me in a room for seconds and I wouldn’t come
up with that. They’re alright. I think they sound horrendous on their own but
fine when they sing as a group. I see no indication that they made this song
their own. Perhaps the reinvention is not being dressed as four year olds. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Mason Noise </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">See what he did there? Enjoy it, that was the peak of his
creativity. Mason has a strop at the six chair challenge. He now has to
apologise every week and do VT’s about how he’s not a dick. Mason is singing ‘Footsteps’.
He makes it his own by developing a facial tic. This could be sexy winking.
Rita comments that ‘Confidence pulled you off.” This could explain his facial
expressions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Oh it’s the John Lewis advert.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg2IM2btPzNkDhMe55lx9JxeGPtHYh0fw8qYtICP4WmhcYKtvM1cwItu8eu4ldLXQUwtGitzffAw0EoLa15eannoyBvKq08doHXpdryVjSr3nXBqYPRnWCmmk4WvOjuwMhUDPD25mOfMY/s1600/kanye.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg2IM2btPzNkDhMe55lx9JxeGPtHYh0fw8qYtICP4WmhcYKtvM1cwItu8eu4ldLXQUwtGitzffAw0EoLa15eannoyBvKq08doHXpdryVjSr3nXBqYPRnWCmmk4WvOjuwMhUDPD25mOfMY/s200/kanye.PNG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Anton </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anton used to be a backing singer. We are expected to feel
sympathy for Anton. To fit the theme Anton is being reinvented as Wagner. He is
singing ‘All About the Bass’ whilst girls dressed as gold speakers dance next
to him. From the look in his eyes he’s hating it as much as I am. Bye Anton. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Kiera Wethers</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She survived the sing off last week. To punish her Rita is
making her sing ‘Return of the Mac’. IN A MAC. That coat will be off half way
through the song. It’s a bit cack. They keep making her dance. The coat stayed
on which was a nice surprise. Cheryl declares it ‘Good enough’. Nick claims
that ‘if you’re having fun, we’re having fun, everyone watching is having fun.’
Nick is wrong. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Ché Chesterman </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am distracted whenever I see Ché as he reminds me of a
guinea pig in a suit. He has decided to be ‘all about the voice’. This is
because Ché can’t dance. He decides to make ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ his own. As
is traditional and showcased in every single John Lewis advert to make a song
your own you sing it really slowly over a plinky plonky piano. This is radical
and different and I will fight anyone who says differently. I make a cup of
tea, the judges go slightly over the top in their praise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Louisa </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louisa is seventeen. Make a note of that. It will be
mentioned seven million times before this competition is over. She sings ‘Billie
Jean’ and is made to dance with a chair. My favourite part was her looking over
her shoulder to find the chair before she sat down. According to the judges
this is her acting her age. Sure. Who wasn’t competing to become an international
pop star at 17? We’ve all been there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Seann Miley Moore. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The extra N isn’t a typo. We learn from his VT that it is ‘harder
to sing the classics’. Right. After nearly singing ‘Downtown’ he ends up
singing ‘California Dreaming’ whilst holding a leaf. Strangely it works. Saturday
night actually benefits from a man in a kimono singing a Mama’s and the Papa’s
song in the style of Bonnie Tyler. Rita is so thrilled by it that she decides
to try out a few new words. Some of which she had only heard that day and isn’t
entirely sure what context to use them in or what they mean. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Monica Michael</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Monica is the wildcard. She is singing Beyonce and to make
it her own she is singing it slowly. But in your face Monica, Beyonce already
did that in Fifty Shades of Grey. For some reason they decide to have her
recreate the Bond Titles and put her in a dress which makes her look incredibly
uncomfortable. Think it is summed up by Cheryl’s comment ‘How did you feel
about that performance?’ </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Max Stone </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Did I miss a bit where it was established that he can only
sing whilst accompanied by a ukulele? He has a nice voice. He’s singing ‘Somewhere
over the Rainbow’. He’s making it his own by singing an exact replica of Israel
Kamakawiwo'ole version. Oh hang on he’s segued in to ‘What a Wonderful World’.
For some reason his staging involves a group of people sitting at his feet and
looking at him. According to the judges ‘It’s a bit different’. How dull are
their lives if this is a bit different?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Reggie and Bollie</b>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Remember how for years we’ve all been saying that we need a
new Chakadeemus and Pliars but with all the humour and flair of the Chuckle
Brothers? No? Well you’ve got them. Deal with it. I think it’s crap. The judges
think it’s amazing. Be careful public, this is how we got Jedward. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Laura Murray</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bellows a song. Bit like someone from <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Geordie</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">Shore</st1:placetype></st1:place>
doing karaoke. Again I am wrong. Apparently she is the future of music. Much
like Anton she has to be saved from her appalling former life. She’s a dental
assistant. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You may notice that the theme stopped being mentioned a few
contestants ago. This wasn’t my decision. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Who will go? Keira. Keira will go. And if there is any
justice Reggie and Bollie. But there isn’t so it will be Anton. Simon stitched
him up for head butting him and ruining his beautiful, deflated face.</span> </div>
</div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-39610611004365378242015-10-19T12:38:00.003+01:002015-10-19T12:38:35.506+01:00Ballooning <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hot air ballooning actually happened. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometime ago now but I had to cancel writing this blog post four times before actually writing it. Little hot air ballooning joke for you there. Us balloonists laugh at these things. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG0nE3bU8nCP89dmeHq9qx5EgJwghzdPhKCJ4J7kL2rYc9Fdew0Awy4Xy0OD719gPfFkVTnEYUmj3RaotjhltG50EVa1oaA5GfHPXCHk7b8h7xJqgqh9DjyyQ9_AidakZm7YZIVa-KPws/s1600/sunrise+from+a+balloon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG0nE3bU8nCP89dmeHq9qx5EgJwghzdPhKCJ4J7kL2rYc9Fdew0Awy4Xy0OD719gPfFkVTnEYUmj3RaotjhltG50EVa1oaA5GfHPXCHk7b8h7xJqgqh9DjyyQ9_AidakZm7YZIVa-KPws/s320/sunrise+from+a+balloon.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are few things worth getting out of bed at 4-30am for. Perhaps a house fire but otherwise it's almost always better to stay put. But if you ever get the chance to watch the sunrise from a hot air balloon then leap out of bed. Or wait, go at sunset and imagine it in reverse. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span id="goog_759488"></span><span id="goog_759489"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This spot of hot air ballooning came courtesy of my friend Emma who had been given it as a Christmas present from her mother a couple of years ago. The idea is that you ring the ballooning people about 8 hours before the flight and they tell you whether it will go ahead or not. Our trip was rearranged 4 times and was put on hold when I left the country for 6 months, so neither of us has really factored in that it would ever actually happen. Therefore the fact that Emma wasn't well didn't really worry us as we were convinced the flight wouldn't happen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And then it did. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And Emma couldn't come and it was too late to cancel. So myself and another friend used the flight - Happy Christmas Emma! </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXgBBSJHGZtFtuOJI0EYeNUpa3avFsFNweOa7vloDracfhc86_5w2bGHRTn86_bZued9oTdIjLWoybg_N8zMpZoBOmNwp8ZSiU9m6GHCWKu5tanbwiEwhDGOzZf66PXb9sH7qldX0owUs/s1600/hot+air+ballooning+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXgBBSJHGZtFtuOJI0EYeNUpa3avFsFNweOa7vloDracfhc86_5w2bGHRTn86_bZued9oTdIjLWoybg_N8zMpZoBOmNwp8ZSiU9m6GHCWKu5tanbwiEwhDGOzZf66PXb9sH7qldX0owUs/s320/hot+air+ballooning+2.jpg" width="179" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh but it's magnificent. Although I am terrified of flying I felt no fear being a few thousand feet up in a wicker basket with a flame thrower. The only slight moment was when we crossed Luton Airports flight path and the balloon pilot kept pointing out the planes above us and telling us that we didn't show up on radar. Not really something I needed to know, but what was I going to do? Get out? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What was strange was how quiet it was. You couldn't hear motorway or traffic noise, you could occasionally hear pigs as we flew over farmyards (loud bastards) but mainly it was just quiet. It was also gave me a good chance to see how many giant trampolines there are - answer: tons. It would seem that if you have a back garden you are obliged to have an enormous trampoline taking up most of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We floated around for about an hour. We were steered mainly by the wind and then depending on where we ended up we had to look for somewhere to land. We found a field and then hunkered down for landing. It was all remarkably smooth and we then wandered around in a field until a minibus appeared to pick us up. We then toasted ourselves with champagne and were given certificates. We thoughtfully got one for Emma but changed it to reflect her non participation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you get the chance to do it then go for it. There really is nothing like it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKRbBNNU0MDe35xcHUh6UJNXSkb1vx3B6biCMt-ti2B-cFez2CG8vYfITCC7JPa7MoT2q1dfsBpvyc_pkDWQPAx2dlK8QUzCC38RIYRgUVn9o4FPlyg8p-vOkxnDQbSspSll9m6YfhX0M/s1600/hot+air+ballooning+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKRbBNNU0MDe35xcHUh6UJNXSkb1vx3B6biCMt-ti2B-cFez2CG8vYfITCC7JPa7MoT2q1dfsBpvyc_pkDWQPAx2dlK8QUzCC38RIYRgUVn9o4FPlyg8p-vOkxnDQbSspSll9m6YfhX0M/s320/hot+air+ballooning+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-26997489321258413092015-10-19T11:54:00.000+01:002015-10-19T11:54:09.154+01:00So What Have You Been Up To? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are few phrases that inevitably strike fear in to someone's heart. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Did you manage to get all that done for the meeting this morning?" (Meeting? What meeting? What was I doing for it?) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Let's go round the circle and get to know each other. Tell us something interesting about yourself" (I am not interesting and I doubt you are either, let's just keep quiet). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Come to my interpretive dance show! It's very emotional". (No.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But the one that is said more often than any other is one that I also fling at other people. "So what have you been up to?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To be fair it's a fairly reasonable conversation opener. It implies (faked or otherwise) interest in the person's life and it allows them to go in to as much or as little detail as they like. I chuck it around like it's going out of business, but when it's turned on me I have absolutely no idea what to say. I think my reticence comes from giving up a full time job to freelance and write. I feel like I should in some way defend this decision. I also feel that I should some how explain how I spend my days (I sometimes go to work, I sometimes sit in my pyjamas and write, I spend too much time on buzzfeed). Ultimately I feel that I haven't really done anything. Much like everyone else. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So what is up with me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I have got very in to crumpets. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I keep accidentally going on holiday. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It would seem that I celebrated the arrival of spring by burying all my jumpers somewhere. Winter is coming and I am cold. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I witnessed a car accident which is now going to court. I had to draw an account of what happened. The picture is so bad the crash investigators are going to have their work cut out trying to establish what happened. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have yet to unpack from holiday. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have successfully avoided going to any interpretive dance shows. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">How about you? What have you been up to?</span></div>
Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-71820095781246532592015-07-15T15:42:00.003+01:002015-07-15T15:42:43.921+01:00Not Air Ballooning <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I didn’t go hot air ballooning yesterday. This may not sound
that remarkable. There were many other things I didn’t do yesterday. I didn’t
do any lion taming, I didn’t go to <st1:country-region w:st="on">Canada</st1:country-region>, I didn’t drink a pint of my
own sick. The difference is that I had an appointment to go hot air ballooning
at five o’clock in the morning and fully intended to see the sun rise whilst
standing in a wicker basket inches away from a flame thrower. However, it was
cancelled. For the third time. Each time
has been because of ‘weather’. Each time it has been different weather and one
of them I am convinced the pilot just wanted to sit in the sun and eat an ice
cream. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It is getting to the point that I feel quite confident that
I could be a hot air balloon pilot. There is no actual flying involved, you
simply have to leave a message on an answerphone saying that it’s been
cancelled. I could do that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am possibly being slightly harsh and I am still very much
looking forward to our rescheduled flight. Weirdly, although I am terrified of
flying, I have no fear at all about being in the air in a basket. It seems
quite a gentle way to see the countryside and bimble about. Of course I’d
imagine that it could turn nasty quite quickly if a huge gust of wind got you
(I suppose that’s why they cancel so many flights) or if the bottom fell out
the basket (I suppose that’s why they make you tell them your weight). But
unless it’s Richard Branson related you don’t here much about hot air
ballooning gone wrong. There’s certainly no ‘Hot Air Ballooning’ disaster movie
genre. Perhaps this has lulled me in to a false sense of security. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Imagine how differently we would view things if there was a
series of ‘Balloon!’ films. They’d certainly be easier to cast and be able to
be made on a much smaller budget. ‘Snakes on a Balloon’ would be thirty seconds
long as the offending snake could simply be picked up and thrown over the side
of the basket. In turn this could lead to the sequel – ‘A snake fell out the
sky and landed on me’. I honestly think that the worst thing that could happen
in a balloon would be that you haven’t worn enough warm clothing. Which, given
that they cancel flights if it’s not a perfect 22 degrees with no wind speed
and no moisture in the air, is unlikely to happen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Whilst we’re on the subject, please don’t take time out to
send me the details of all the horrific things that can happen in a hot air
balloon. I really don’t want to know. I have to get on a plane in 3 weeks and I
am already wetting myself about that. I don’t have the time for another fear. I
am too busy writing the screen play to ‘Snakes on a Balloon’. Set deep in the
heart of the British countryside, balloon pilot Samuel L Jackson gets the shock
of his life when he actually has to pilot a balloon (the weather conditions
being favourable). But this is no ordinary flight. There’s a grass snake on
board. Samuel and his three passengers have to decide what to do as their
balloon flies dangerously close to the M25. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s a winner. </span></div>
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103979155513285569.post-20845847721826350702015-07-05T16:57:00.003+01:002015-07-05T16:57:35.539+01:00Heatwave! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1HaLJ7OTgSgpHUUDNiqNGIRgJMVrzpCJ09NFNKzHSJAFWLog6eYlQMH73P0uugegoizlX_uJAxhVUZyYkUF5_x-uPQDutM9SW22iYnLv2W2B8x13d6Amo4GWpxohMWSiG-9a-NMk4GU/s1600/20150701_204551.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1HaLJ7OTgSgpHUUDNiqNGIRgJMVrzpCJ09NFNKzHSJAFWLog6eYlQMH73P0uugegoizlX_uJAxhVUZyYkUF5_x-uPQDutM9SW22iYnLv2W2B8x13d6Amo4GWpxohMWSiG-9a-NMk4GU/s320/20150701_204551.jpg" width="179" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Heatwave! A proper, honest to God heatwave. Not our usual
four days of 18 degrees and we start putting fire warnings out but a solid week
of temperatures around 30. Peaking at 38, which was slightly unnecessary but if
you’re going to do it then you might as well do it properly. It also meant I was able to sit in a park at 9-30 at night, not freeze and see a beautiful sunset. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not that everyone else thinks that we are doing it properly.
<st1:country-region w:st="on">Australia</st1:country-region>
launched the slightly saracastic hashtag #prayforLondon as they mocked us for
issuing advice on how to deal with the heat. Apparently in 38 degrees they don
some Uggs, wrestle a dingo before heading home to eat hot soup under a duvet. It
possibly escaped their notice that they are built for heat in a way that we are
not. Air con is more of a novelty than a necessity here. It’s also a bit rich
coming from people who think 19 degrees in winter is cold. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We also didn’t really help ourselves. We had the obligatory
pictures of people jumping in the fountains at Trafalgar Square, of an over
crowded Brighton Beach and the Daily Mail telling us we were going to die and
issuing screaming headlines telling us that London was ‘Hotter than Johannesburg’.
Well yes Daily Mail, it’s winter there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m sure we’ll all calm down soon. But lets enjoy it’s while
it’s here. Let’s just all drink a bit more water while we’re doing it and I’m
sure we’ll be fine. It’s probably best to ignore Paul Gascoigne’s tweet: “ If
you know of any old people try&get them out the house today as some might find
it hard to breath indoors plus try to check there ok xxx” That’s not a thing. I
admire the sentiment and would encourage you to check in and get to know your
elderly neighbours, but please don’t drag them out of their cool houses and in
to direct sunlight. It won’t be appreciated. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s also best not to do what I did either. I headed to the
beach with thirty thousand other people (we weren’t all in the same car) and
got stuck in traffic. Whilst sweating away in the car I decided to drink two
litres of water. Just to let you know, drinking gallons of water in a traffic
jam is not a good idea. And no, if you put the windows up and try to make the
water ‘evaporate’ out of you, it won’t work. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">However if you are heading to the beach this summer can I make
a recommendation? Take my book with you. It’s not out in paperback and can be
purchased on amazon. Do it. You might regret it but I won’t. <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Joy-Depression-Laura-Sleep-ebook/dp/B00NHB65W6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436111763&sr=8-1&keywords=joy+of+depression" target="_blank">Buy the 'Joy of Depression' </a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And if you do like it... leave a review! </span></div>
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Angel of Harlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179156459425313860noreply@blogger.com0