Karma

I bumped in to two people I went to school with on Saturday. Two things were interesting. One – I knew who they were and could remember their names. I must have spent seven years in a coma as I don’t remember anyone I went to school with. I once asked my flatmate why this was and she replied “because you spent seven years with your head up your own bum” so these people must have been pretty special to penetrate my anus (as it were). The second thing was that I couldn’t avoid them and was forced to make conversation with them. And this was down to one thing – Facebook. Given that I am now officially their “friend” I couldn’t really ignore them when I saw them in person. Facebook has forced me to be sociable.

But I do prefer it to other social networking sites, and I prefer it to actually talking to people – why ring someone up when you can write something amusing (and short) in magnetic letters on their profile. I joined myspace briefly. This was mainly because there was a girl I went to uni with who was slightly bizarre and I wanted to see what she was up to. After reading her profile “I love the smell of cats" etc. it was easy to conclude she is mental and that it wasn’t really worth being on myspace simply to amuse myself every now and then by reading her blog. However I am completely unable to close my account. I pop in every month or so to check it and discover that lots of people want to be my friend. This is very weird. Why on earth would I want to be friends with someone who calls themselves gnomeslayer90 and who wants to be friends with someone who has no personal details and a picture of Mavis from Willow the Whisp as their profile picture? I know everybody who is my friend on facebook, I have no desire to be friends with a man who dresses up as a warlock and lives in Alabama.

Myspace, like datingdirect before it, also gives me a serious crisis of confidence. Now don’t get me wrong, I know my limitations. On a good day I look like a fat Rod Hull but some of the human waste that wants to meet me makes me think that I either have a too high opinion of myself or these people take self confidence to the extreme. People that have never seen daylight, let alone another human being are queuing up to email me. People who’s hobbies include role playing and plushing (to foul to go in to here, I once read an article on it, I think it is suffice to say that people who enjoy it like cuddly toys with “loving” eyes and a tail to lift) are desperate to meet me. I would sooner die alone. I really hope that they are just indiscriminate in their emails. That if they send enough out one’s got to bite.

Maybe it’s karma. One of my favourite things on the internet is a blog written by a woman who is obsessed by knitting. I am not but I do enjoy seeing this girl model the things she has knitted - including her own wedding dress! Sadly she never seems to buy enough wool to finish a job so every bizarre jumper is knitted in a multitude of colours. Perhaps everytime I laugh at the knitter I am repayed by having dragonrider45 email me. For every person I forward the link on to I am punished by having an agoraphobic obsessed by Lee Harvey Oswald wink at me.