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Saturday, 19 March 2016

Binge Watching

I was on the radio the other day. I hope you like how casually I dropped that in. I'll also casually drop this link here so you can listen again if you so wish.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03lzcyb 
Anyway, in-between making sparkling comments about subjects I knew next to nothing about, but not letting that stop me, we discussed (off air and eventually on air) binge watching. The presenter is addicted to 'House of Cards', someone else was addicted to 'Orange is the New Black', some threw in how they had watched all of 'Mad Men' in a week or couldn't get enough of 'Breaking Bad'. I suspect them of humble bragging. These are the programmes that we should be watching. The critically acclaimed, Emmy nominated dramas that are discussed at dinner parties. Trying to pass them off as a guilty pleasure doesn't wash with me. Incidentally unless your 'guilty pleasure' is strangling kittens then your pleasure isn't guilty at all. It's just something you enjoy. Own it. 
I am binge watching at the lower end of the scale. Until you've sat and watched (and on occasion recorded) 'Tia and Tamera' then you know nothing Jon Snow. I believe that's from 'Game of Thrones', I wouldn't know, I've not watched it. I prefer to my porn without back story and dragons. Plus I've been too busy watching 'Guiliana and Bill'. 
'Say Yes to the Dress' is my particular jam at the moment. In it brides go to a enormous bridal store, run by people who are too invested in their clients lives, to choose a dress for their ' One Special Day'. Even those who are on their 4th or 5th marriage still describe it as their 'One Special Day' so you are not expected to be able to count to enjoy this programme so I am right in their demographic. For reasons unknown the Brides also take along their entire families, in laws, friends and a few randoms they've met along the way. At least one of these people must not want to be there and be very vocal about it. Two family members must tell you that you look fat in everything you try on and there should be a grandmother there who only likes dresses with a high neck and Queen Anne sleeves. Each bride wants something unique that represents her as a person. They all leave with variations on the same dress. Except when someone does choose something unique and they go away with a monstrosity that the shop has been trying to get rid off since 1982. 
It is possible to lose whole days of your life to watching this. Especially when you discover that there is a bridesmaid addition, where the rule is that one bridesmaid is hated by all the others, including the bride. There also has to be a sassy, single sister who's main aim is to get her tits out in her dress and refuses to wear anything that thwarts her in this purpose. 
Let's just say I got to the point where I could recognise episodes from the EPG synopsis. 'Today's bride considers herself a 'little bit country' but does her Pastor Mother have other plans?' 
In an attempt to wean myself from this I started watching 'Something Borrowed, Something New'. This is where brides have to decide whether they are going to wear a revamped version of their Mother's wedding dress or buy a new dress. The best case scenario is that they end up with two wearable dresses. The normal scenario is that the Mother's dress is hacked to pieces leaving her in tears whilst the bride decides to wear a dress that hasn't been cobbled together out of yellowing lace and enormous shoulder pads. I actually had to stop watching this when there was a bride who spent the whole episode saying how tiny she was. 'Oh I'm so petite, I'm so petite'. As if she went home and slept in a matchbox covered by a hanky. Her Mother's dress was too small on her. I cheered. 

Most recently I have become obsessed by 'The People vs OJ Simpson'. Sadly I can't binge watch and have to watch one episode a week. It's like being back in the stone age. 
I don't really remember the OJ Simpson case. I was fourteen when it all happened and British (still am!) so I had no idea who he was. Watching this programme, good grief, it's insane. As is John Travolta's face. It's like he melted and then tried to recreate his face out of play doh and dog hair. The other revelation is David Schwimmer playing Ross   Robert Kardashian. If this is an accurate portrayal then he was in love with OJ Simpson and spent his days disco dancing with 'Juice' as he insists on calling him. Occasionally he'll stop by and see his family and give them pieces of advice like 'Fame isn't everything'. I think we know how that worked out. 

Now I know my viewing habits aren't great, but they are enjoyable. Being able to name every winner of America's Next Top Model isn't a transferable skill but I wouldn't imagine being able to make crystal meth from watching Breaking Bad is that useful either. 
Actually that's crap, one of those things is definitely more profitable than the other.