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Friday, 24 June 2016

Berlin and Pedro

I went to Berlin last week. My word it's a lovely city. We got a deal in the BA sale. I suggest that you do to. It was excellent. 
My other suggestion would be that you get a better map than we did. We got one that wasn't to scale. It also hadn't put things exactly where they were, just where they looked prettier on the map. So when we decided to go to the Jewish Museum we looked at the map and saw that we could go by two routes. Both around the same distance. This was a lie. It took us about an hour and a half to walk to the museum. It took us fifteen minutes to walk home. On the plus side we did 35,000 steps that day. 
On the down side we decided to do a walking tour the next day. It was very interesting and we learnt and saw a lot. The problem was the 35,000 step count from the previous day meant that standing still was agony. To his credit the tour guide didn't seem phased by the three people doing weird moonwalking and step aerobic routines at the back of his group but it certainly doesn't concentrate the mind. 

It was on our marathon walk to the Jewish museum that a rather odd incident happened. This isn't linked to Berlin and didn't really affect the holiday in anyway, it just, well, it just pissed me off. We were on a main street and a man asked me to take his photo. I took his phone, took a distinctly mediocre photo and handed it back to him. He shook my hand, shook my friends hands. He introduced himself as Pedro from Brazil. We all smiled. Then he asked if he could have a photo with me. Odd but yeah. He gives the phone to my friend and then grabs me. He then removes my bag and hands it to my friend. By this point I am pretty over the experience and just want to go. I sort of thought he was a pick pocket. I have no idea why I didn't just walk off (I am slightly annoyed with myself and then annoyed at myself for being annoyed with myself). Photo over we have another round of hand shaking. Then he kisses me on the cheek, then the other cheek. I back off and just as my mates step forward he goes in for the full pasionate snog and I get a mouthful of Pedro's tongue. 

I wish I'd kneed him in the nuts. Instead I walked off. And this is why I am annoyed. 
1. Why the hell does he think it's OK to ram his tongue in to strangers mouths. 
2. Why did I feel stupid afterwards? 
3. Why did I feel that I should have handled the situation better?
4. Why didn't I walk off when I started to feel uncomfortable? 
5. Why did I worry more about being polite than feeling comfortable? 
6. Why have four of these points been about what I did wrong rather than just the one point of 'Fuck off Pedro you massive twat'? 

Anyway. Go to Berlin. If you meet Pedro offer to take his photo and then walk off with his phone. And for heavens sake delete the photo of me from it. 
I apologise for the random placement of photos. The bear isn't Pedro.