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Sunday, 17 February 2013


Well the resolution to write more didn't last long. Is it any defence that January is an appalling month and I didn't get paid till the end of the month so I haven't actually done anything? No I suppose not. I've got a few more rejections for the book so that's confidence boosting, perhaps I shouldn't have written it in crayon and included a word search. You live and learn. 

I am going to my brother's tonight and I go with some trepidation. We were there twice over the Christmas period and each time a chair was destroyed fairly dramatically. I am wondering if I'll go for the hat trick tonight. The first occasion was during lunch. A small child was told off for wriggling and made to swap chairs. It soon became clear why he was wriggling, the catch had come loose on the fold away stool, the result of which was to send my sister in law chin first in to the table. She was fine but seeing someone suddenly plummet to the ground like they're on a ducking stool is quite distracting. 

The second incident was on Boxing Day when my mum lent out of rocking chair to get something and just carried on going, accompanied by the sound of wood breaking. It turns out the chair had broken before and had been mended with copydex or something similar.  After the second incident we all became enormously fond of sitting on the floor. 

I have never broken a chair but I've destroyed my fair share of furniture. When attempting to switch wardrobes I utterly over estimated how much is achievable in a night and by the fourth trip to my parents my brother and I had lost the plot and turned in to the Chuckle Brothers. We dropped a many section in the middle of the road (fortunately there was no traffic) and I got to the point, which I get to so quickly, of telling people to leave it and go home and I'll sort it in the morning. Thankfully I was ignored and some sort of order was restored. Something similar happened with the magically growing bookcase. A set of shelves (all in one piece) that had got in to my bedroom but when I tried to get it out was too big for the door way. My idea was to smash it with an axe but I was over ruled and sent to stand in the bathroom whilst they did mysterious things. I think it went over the bannisters. 

However my most spectacular incident was with a bed. I was living in Sydney and had recently moved flats. I had assembled my bed and it didn't look quite right. I realised that I had put the sides on upside down. So instead of the slats resting in a deep well they were instead balanced on a ledge of around a millimetre. I couldn't be arsed to sort it out so I heaved the mattress on top and made the bed. It worked quite well for a few months. Then one night I got in quite early in the morning and crept in so as not to wake my flatmate. That is until I got to my bedroom and for reasons unknown decided to leap from the door way in to my bed. The slats fell off their narrow home and fell in the middle taking the mattress, bedding and me with it. Once again lethargy took over and I slept in the rubble. The next morning my flatmate helped me to pull the mattress out and I slept on the floor for longer than I care to admit until I sorted the mess out. 

It is worth noting that my flatmate didn't wake up during the leap and the recurring sort out. But on the day he moved in he went to the bathroom, locked the door and fell asleep on the toilet until morning. I was probably quite safe to go to bed the normal way

Friday, 4 January 2013

Will you bother?

Well I completely failed to do much of anything except work towards the end of last year. Let alone update the blog. I suppose a new years resolution of sorts is to write more. Without sounding too horendously wanky I am happier when I write. Therefore it makes sense to do more of it. I've started writing a second novel. I'm not really too sure where I am going with it but it's nice to get stuff down on paper. And it's always nice to have a good excuse to go to Paperchase. I think actually Paperchase is becoming a serious addiction - I went to a drawer the other day to get some writing paper to write my thank you letters for Christmas presents and discovered a whole pack of note paper I have absolutely no recollection of buying. Therefore the only logical conclusion is that I went in to some form of trance when I was in there. Which I can well believe. 

2012 was, for me, a good year. By comparison to 2011 (which was a pile of utter dog shit) it was practically a golden age. Therefore I reach the New Year without really wanting to or needing to make any resolutions, I'd just like some more of the same and to keep on trucking. However I would like to change some things about other people, although I doubt resolutions work like that. The main thing that needs to change is that when people come to your house in the run up to Christmas and they see that you have put decorations up they don't say 'Oh you are good, I'm not sure I'd bother if I were on my own'. 

Firstly; calling someone good just sounds astonishingly patronising and manages to make you feel about 5. Secondly; calling someone good for performing a fairly basic traditional ritual is a bit odd. Thirdly; how many people have to live in your house before actions become worthwhile? If I live on my own is having pictures on the wall 'good' or should I not bother as they are only for my benefit? Should I have carpet? Or should I not enjoy Christmas as I really should be living in a ditch as to live like everyone else isn't worth the bother? If actions and behaviours have no audience is it worth doing them? 

There is I suppose, the belief that Christmas is really 'for the children'. But whilst it is true that children are probably the most excited about the season and seeing them excited is sweet but are they truly the only ones that matter? We live in a child centric society, they don't really do badly the rest of the year (although there are obvious exceptions).  It's my belief that when people say 'Christmas is for children really' then they are talking about gifts and perhaps in that respect it is true. Few adults are genuinely excited about their presents, pleased and touched to have been thought of but not desperately, can't sleep excited. Kids are and that in itself is lovely to watch. But as you get older Christmas becomes more about the day, the meal (Man, I love eating), the games and the company. In this way Christmas is for everyone and should be about people who don't have that the rest of the year. The elderly, the vulnerable, those unable to do the Christmas that society expects. For many, particularly the isolated (I'd like to stress this is not me, I just can't think of a better way to phrase it!) it's seeing the pleasure of others, especially children, that makes the day. Therefore to assume a festival is just for one section of society does us all a disservice because it excludes and if anything Christmas is an inclusive holiday. 

Personally I 'bother' with Christmas decorations because I like them. Until about 27th December when I am itching to get them down and hoover the corner of the room that's been inaccessible for so long. Pre-Christmas the decorations are a sign of preparation and building excitement. Post Christmas you can't help thinking, as you sit on the sofa; 'Why the hell is there a tree in the corner of the room?'