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Wednesday 7 November 2007

Fireworks

I went to many fireworks displays over the weekend. Including one terrifying one put on by my dad in my brother's garden. Which resulted in 4 very scared children. Luckily the adults among us had learnt from our childhood so had elected to stay indoors, lest there be a repeat of dad dropping a lit match in to the box of fireworks or not properly nailing the Catherine wheel to the fence. Both spectacular displays but I missed them whilst I was running for my life. The organised one I went to, however, was excellent. Made all the more enjoyable by not having to worry about someone popping back to check the lit firework.

I felt I had dressed appropriately for the display. Jeans, jumper, coat, hat but on the way out I saw someone in high heeled boots, mini skirt and a boob tube. Was I fearfully underdressed or was she a slapper? I made this comment to my brother and rather than the amusing bitchy conversation I had anticipated got told that I couldn't comment as I used to go to the Supermarket in my pyjamas. This sadly is true, but in my defence my pyjamas were men's pyjama trousers and a black t-shirt. It's not like I was leaping around in a skimpy negligee giving people heart attacks by the nectarines. Also it was the strangest supermarket in the world.

Many years have passed and it's 12,000 miles away so I have no problems in outing this supermarket as being Woolworths in Neutral Bay, Sydney. It was there that I saw 2 men, dressed only in towels, doing their weekly shop. It was also the local supermarket for a woman who used to do everything on roller blades, you'd see her in the city desperately clinging on to lamp-posts or trying to keep her balance as her legs got a way from her. It was a bit like watching that episode of Some Mother's Do 'Ave 'Em. What was really strange was that she was dressed like Lara Croft. A skimpy pair of cycling shorts, a crop top, knee and elbow pads and her hair all tied up, pitching head first in to freezers as she attempted to do her shopping on wheels.

I was forced to shop there however. Not only because it was opposite my house and very convenient but because I was either in self imposed exile from other shops on that road or I was physically banned from other shops on that road. A major stumble in the other main supermarket meant that workers there waved at me when I went in and I could live without that. Plus their food was so manky it had normally rotted by the time you got it home. And I'm not allowed in Blockbuster anymore ever since I ACCIDENTALLY told the woman in there to er f*** off. Actually I was quite polite about it. My exact words were "F*** you lady." Either way, I felt it best not to return to that particular video rental store. I'm not sure why I chose to develop tourettes at that particular moment (although she was being really annoying) but I felt it wise never to return.

Which sadly meant that my flatmate Steve was in charge of getting videos out. His favourite type of film seemed to involve animals in combat. I watched "Brotherhood of the Wolf" and "Dog Soldiers". Well I say watch, I actually made rude comments and read a book. On one occasion he came in and said "I've got us a film. Badger Paratroopers (or something similar). Now I know what you're thinking…. It's in French. But don't worry it's got subtitles". Believe me of all the things I was thinking it wasn't that.

However, it is now Wednesday and Fireworks are still going on. And they seem to start about 3-30. Why is this? Surely the point is that it is dark. Or perhaps there's some hip new style I don't know about. Perhaps its badgers attempting to get revenge for their Oscar snub.

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