Tea and Sympathy

I was ill last week. I don't wish to overplay it but I'm fairly convinced it was dysentery. Some of sort of 24 hour dysentery. Either way I exploded for 12 hours non stop and then spent 12 hours laying around softly moaning. The next day I was fine and merrily tucked in to piles of toast whilst at work while people around me muttered to themselves 'wasn't she off sick yesterday? Doesn't seem very ill to me'. I didn't like to rid them of their illusions and tell them that it was possibly one of the most violent episodes I had every had the misfortune to be a part of. Instead I smiled and said 'bit of an upset stomach, all better now'. Luckily I work with people who have the same approach to illness as myself. That is: check the person is better and then tell them not to give it to you. I just can't be doing with over sympathetic people.

If I'm throwing up I want the nearest person to me to be in Wales. I don't want you holding my hair back, I don't want you banging on my door to see if I'm OK, I want to be left alone to deal with this by myself. If I'm having to get up fifteen times in one night to empty myself then I have enough issues. I don't want to have to worry about making conversation at the same time. I'll be in touch when it's all over.

It was the next day I really wanted someone around. I was knackered and everytime I lifted my head I was so overwhelmed by the need to throw up that I decided not to move for three hours which led to some serious dehydration. I lay there and I wondered who I could text to come in and get me a drink. There were a few options but as I lay there, phone in hand, I remembered that I had locked the front door so I would have to get up and let them in anyway. So I rolled out of bed and then slid down the stairs on my back. By the time I got downstairs I was so tired I couldn't be bothered to get a drink.

All the same I was relieved there was no one there. I wasn't longing for company, I was longing for a drinks dispenser. I don't deal with the milk of human kindness very well. Which is why I was relieved to be greeted with these kind words on my return to work. 'You been vomming? Urgh'.