About Me

My photo
Book out now on amazon! Buy, read, enjoy, tell your friends, buy a spare copy.

Wednesday 10 October 2012

They Never Learn

The new and fairly vigorous exercise routine I have started has inevitably taken it's toll. As previously reported I inflicted upon myself leg pain and smashed a bike pedal in to my ankle. Leg pain has improved. I can now do all my classes and walk normally afterwards. Either my tolerance has improved or I am not working as hard. I think it's the latter. The ankle injury is the problem. The bruising has gone down but it still hurts and this week a rather interesting lump has sprung up.

I was discussing this with my brother the other day and we rudimentally diagnosed it as a 'ganglion'. Neither of us were too sure what this was but had the basic knowledge that I should 'smash it with a bible'. The only Bible we had handy was a flimsy paperback New Testament and so we settled on a hardback copy of 'The Girl Who Kicked  the Hornet's Nest'. Then with a little encouragement I smashed it in to my ankle.

Reader the pain was indescribable. Although I shall have a bash: It was like, slipping in the bath and landing legs akimbo on the taps but for your ankle. It was like slamming a premenstrual breast in a door (for the ankle), it was like someone smashing a huge hardback book on to a collection of nerve endings on a bone near a joint.

And I still have a lump.

It occured to me that at the age of 37 and 32 our relationship hasn't really changed all that much from when we were 9 and 4. He encouraged me to do something and I did it. I'm sure if my other older brother were there as well I would have done what he told me. This is how I have ended up with a scar on my hip - they were jumping me on bikes and 'told' me to move further out. I did and got a pedal imbedded in my side (clearly bikes of all kinds hate me). It is how I ended up with a shaved head aged 2 - they 'told' me to sit down, and I did. Similarly it is how my little brother got the blame for writing his name in show polish on the brand new freezer. I 'told' my parents that he did it and he, strangely, went along with it. It was me, of course it was me, I was particularly proud of doing the 'E' backwards for authenticity. I still left it twenty years to confess just in case.

So I have a lumpy ankle, answers on a postcard please. I would imagine 'going to the Doctors' is fairly high up there but seriously? All that effort for a lump? I'll save it up till I've got dropsy or something and mention it then.

No comments: