Flowers in Your Hair

We arrived in San Francisco and dropped the car off at the airport. I can't speak for my fellow traveller but I never wanted to see that thing again. Public transport is very much my friend. Especially when the public transport is cable cars! These need to make an appearance in London. Especially when you can ride for free if they haven't got the right change (this possibly only works once).  I think we made the right decision abandoning the car - I really wouldn't have wanted to do a hill start in our hire car and San Francisco is pretty much all hills. On the plus side it gave us a much needed two day 'bums and thighs' workout. 
We were only in the city for two days so we needed to cover as much ground as possible within that time. We got a good deal on a "hop on hop off tour" and so set off to see the city. All tours came with a guide who gave you details about what you were seeing. The information and presentation was excellent but it did seem that every anecdote ended with the words 'destroyed in a massive fire'. 
They were also quite keen on mentioning huge, destructive earthquakes. These seemed to be mentioned just as you were going across a bridge or past some particularly hefty sky scrapers. I began to wonder what I would do in an earthquake and what my escape plan would be. I soon stopped wondering as inevitably my plan would be: 
1. Wonder what on earth was going on
2. Crap my pants 
3. Earthquake ends 
4. Deal with consequences (from the sounds of it - a massive fire) 

Luckily we never had to deal with either an earthquake or a massive fire but it's good to have a response planned. 
I went to Alcatraz, I am very glad I didn't sign up for the night tour. It was incredibly atmospheric and the audio tour was excellent. As seemed to be my way in San Francisco I made my plan as to what I would do if I was to be sent to Alcatraz. This plan was simpler, it just had one step. 
1. Die of fear the first night I was there. 

I can't say I fell for San Francisco the same way I fell for LA. I enjoyed it, I would certainly go back but I didn't get the same 'feels' I got from LA. Maybe it was the constant referencing of earthquakes and impending death. LA gets earthquakes too but they didn't seem to revel in it quite so much. It seems a strange claim to fame, in a way I admire the way they've embraced it. If they own it then they control it? Perhaps we could start a tour of sewage works and proudly boast of typhoid outbreaks. 

Driving

We left LA to go to San Francisco and we went on a roadtrip. This was mainly to see the sights and stop off along the way and partly so I didn't have to get on another plane. We were up early and got our hire car which was some kind of monster truck. After repeatedly getting in the wrong side to drive it, we sorted ourselves out and hit the road. If 15mph can be called 'hitting'. We stopped for breakfast in Malibu. We knew Jennifer Aniston lived there but she didn't invite us round so we instead we settled on a venue based on where had the biggest car park. That way we could abandon the car and not have to think about reversing it. 

Then we drove all the way there on the Pacific Coast Highway. At least that was the plan. I started things well by throwing a U turn on the highway. In my defence we needed to be on the other side of the road and we were at some lights and the car in front did it. I assume we were alright but I did rather alarm my passenger. We then cruised along for a bit. Cruised along with quite a bias to the right. I never knew how much you aligned yourself in the road based on where you sat. All our driving was accompanied by the passenger flinching, gripping the seat and murmuring with varying degrees of panic 'you might want to move over to the left a bit'. I was gaining confidence when suddenly we came up against a road block which announced the highway was closed. There was no diversion signs. A couple of cars went round the signs and carried on but given my ability to get fines for driving in foreign countries we decided to put it in to the sat nav and trust that. 

The sat nav saw an opportunity. 

It told us to turn left. I did (accompanied by a cry of 'you're on the wrong side of the road') we then went up the steepest hill in the world. With a sheer drop to one side of us and hairpin bends every four feet. This went on for half an hour. I led a parade of cars through the mountains. They couldn't get past me and I felt unable to go more than 15 mph. Then we got to come down the mountain again. Thankfully we then got back on to the highway intending to speed through and go and see Hearst Castle. 

We arrived ten minutes after the castle shut. Luckily we were able to use the toilets. Unfortunately they were out of order and so we got to use a chemical toilet in the car park. It is unlikely that this trip will make the guide books. We did get to see this sunset though. The thumb over the lens is all my own work. We went and got dinner and I fell in love with our waitress. She was around 100 years old and offered you food in the same way your Grandma would. "A little more Dr Pepper dear?" While I made plans to kidnap her we watched the sun fully set. It was beautiful. 

It also meant that we got to do the last two hours of the drive in the pitch black. The road was similar to the mountain roads. At least I think it was. I couldn't actually see further than the headlights. There were no street lights, no cats eyes and no straight roads. I thought my bum would never unclench. Eventually we got to our motel and I celebrated by not sleeping. 

The next day we went to see sealions in Monterey harbour and then went to Santa Cruz. Afterwards we drove to San Francisco, luckily my friend was driving when we got to the 6 lane motorway where every lane went to a different location and we had to get across 6 lanes in about 30 seconds. We made it on the third attempt. 

I don't think either of us were particularly sad when we gave the car back. Pleased we had done it but more pleased to be back on public transport. 

LA LA LA

I recovered from jet lag and started sleeping like a normal human being on the 4th January, I celebrated by flying to California and flinging my body clock back eight hours. 
Oh I like California. Before I went everyone told me that it was incredibly superficially and all the people were really shallow. Well it turns out I'm not that deep myself and I loved it. I like getting the choice of fifteen different types of milk for my tea, I like being told to have a nice day by everyone; I don't really care if they mean it or not, if they want to act like meeting me was the best thing to ever happen to them that day (or possibly in their life) then I am happy to let them. I don't think we are going to be best friends but it does make the day more pleasant.  
I was on my own for two days, I drank a lot of coffee, went to bookshops, discovered that an inch on a map is about four thousand miles in real life. Then my friends arrived and we became full on tourists. Hollywood walk of fame, diners, food, more food, a bit more food, a tour of stars houses (they could have pointed at anything and I would have believed them), comedy shows, shopping, we packed the days pretty full. The strangest thing we did was go to a cemetery. I would like to stress that it was in the guide books, we weren't just wandering round graveyards. Apparently a lot of celebrities are buried there. We politely wandered around looking for names we knew - Mickey Rooney's gravestone was there, which was a surprise to us all as we didn't know he was dead. We assumed he was actually buried there rather than simply planning ahead. 
We got in to the LA way of life quite easily, picking up coffee everywhere, buying food in industrial quantities, using Uber (amazing). We had an air bnb place so we had a whole house to ourselves which was handy for my wandering around in the middle of the night. Everyone seemed to think we were Australian for some reason and on finding out we were British really only wanted to talk about the weather. 
Which to be honest I was fine to talk about - it was lovely and warm, all the time, and this was their winter. It did make you think that summer must be unbearable but for us it was incredible. No wonder the people are so happy and want to talk to you all the time. It's warm! They can stand outside and talk to you without their hands falling off. Incidentally, talking of hands; the day after I got off the plane I was walking around for about 7 hours. At one point I went to bend my fingers to scratch the inside of my hand. I couldn't move my fingers. I looked down and the plane and the heat and having my hands hanging down the whole day had turned me in to what can only be described as a 'fat handed twat'. It was like I was wearing Mickey Mouse gloves. It was easily repaired by holding my hands up and walking around with them in the air, which was a lovely look. 
Oh and if anyone knows can some one tell me why the sun sets so quickly there? Is it something to do with the equator? There are incredible sunsets but they last about twenty seconds. You could blink and miss it. You'd also assume the blink sent you blind as it's suddenly dark. Answers on a postcard please. 

It's Christmas!

Stick with this: 

When I was a child I had a pink rabbit. His name was Albert. He accompanied me everywhere. He'd been made by a neighbour and was one of a kind. Then, when I was about six, he went missing. You may think that this tragic tale inspired the well loved children book 'Dogger' but in fact kids losing toys happens all the bloody time. Anyway. I can clearly remember going from shop to shop asking if anyone had seen Albert, the house was turned upside down, parks were combed, rivers were dredged. Nothing. Albert was gone. We moved house when I was seventeen, there was still hope that he might turn up, he didn't. 

This Christmas my sister in law handed me a parcel with the words 'this is a bit strange'. I opened it and it was Albert. Well Albert mark 2. My brother and my mum had given my sister in law a detailed run down of what Albert had looked like and she had recreated him. She had even cut her dressing gown cord up to make his tail. 

I cried. Then my sister in law opened her present from my brother (her husband), it was a lovely bracelet, she cried. Then my Dad opened his present from my Mum. A photo album of the grandchildren. He cried. Then my eldest brother opened his present from our Mum and Dad. It was a kitchen bin. We all stopped crying. 

I also got this brilliant gift from my eldest brother and his family. I now have the dilemma of liking it too much to use it. So at the moment it is an ornament, I'll need to put something in it so someone doesn't pick it up and put it through the dishwasher. 

Smugness

I landed at 6am on a Thursday morning. The flight was fine, well I believe it was, I was heavily, heavily drugged. I have vague recollections of eating a wrap but that could well have been an incredibly boring hallucination. I know that I changed planes in Dubai but I really don't remember it, I don't think anyone is going to be knocking down my door to do a travel documentary. 
I was reasonably alert when I got off the plan and was capable of having a conversation. I also managed to power on until 11pm that night and go to bed at a reasonable time. I was awake between 3 and 6 and then awake again at 7. Somewhere in my mind this read to me as 'beating jet lag'. I repeated this pattern for the next 5 days and was pretty smug about it. I came to the logical conclusion that I was some kind of super human who was at the next level of evolution and therefore the usual rules of physics and time change didn't apply to me. This all came to an end on Tuesday morning. 
Looking back I can see that five hours sleep a night and jam packed days are not the way to recover but it still came as a surprise when I turned over in bed and had to put my hand out to steady myself as the bed was rolling around and bucking. There followed a day where I was unable to lift my head without the room spinning and needing to throw up. I was unable to walk without stumbling in to a wall. The only option was to cancel all plans and lay on the carpet. I guessed that I had done something to my inner ear and screwed my balance up. I actually had achieved 'accumulative jet lag'. Basically where you save it all up and have it on one day. My best mate saved me by bringing round travel sickness pills which meant I could stand up without covering myself in vomit. She also bought me soup. Which was followed by a text which said it had 'the taste of soup and the consistency of hummus', which didn't help the vomit situation. 
Travel sickness pills are AMAZING. I was still quite 'lurchy' and occasionally walked sideways in to a wall but I could stand upright without decorating a room with sick. 
And if you think about it (really, really think about it) I am still kind of a super human. What would have been a week or so of jet lag for crossing eleven time zones, I got out of the way in twenty four hours. Not quite super human but super efficient. 
  According to google images, this is 'jet lag'. Put a ginger wig on this man and imagine it's me. 

Hot Christmas

From the first of December I was in 'get christmassy' mode. This happens every year. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, but it is a hell of a lot harder in 30 something degree heat. But I persevered. I had Christmas flip flops, I had a Christmas vest top. I laughed at my other English friend who insisted on wearing her Christmas jumper. As is traditional I ate my advent calendar in a couple of days. 
An art deco cinema in Sydney which I love (the Hayden Orpheum) had a Christmas double bill of films. We watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and Elf. Candy canes were handed out and then we sweated out guts out whilst waiting for the bus home. 
The church that I went to in Sydney held an amazing event called 'Carols under the bridge'. 5000 people turned out to sing carols under the Harbour Bridge. It was beautiful. I helped out, assisting with a photo booth (I apologise to all who got my handiwork) and then we sat and drank wine and ate cheese and biscuits and sang carols. It was gorgeous but there was still a small part of my brain that wondered why we were doing this in July. 
I know that it's what you know and if you were bought up with a hot Christmas then that would feel Christmassy but seriously Australia, change Santa's outfit. Someone is going to die if you keep pouring them in to a big red furry suit. 

 

 This lego tree on the left is the most Australian decoration I saw. I loved the koala at the top. The tree on the right is the Christmas tree in Martin Place. A few days after this was taken this was where the siege in the Lindt cafe took place. After the sad ending to the siege this area was filled with flowers by well wishers. 

Homeward Bound

I am back in the UK. I've been back about 10 days and it's been a bit of a whirlwind. I've toured the country and am now gearing up for 2015. 
I had a month in Sydney at the end of the trip and it was (much like the rest of the trip) great. I excelled myself by driving ONCE and getting a $200 parking fine. I am disputing it on the grounds of ignorance but I don't hold out much hope. Apparently in Sydney everyone has to park facing the same direction. I didn't know this and ruined the look of the street with my slapdash european style parking. When I got the ticket I immediately put a beret on the car and rammed a cigarette up it's exhaust pipe. 
As I was preparing to leave Sydney everyone asked me if I was ready to go home. I was actually in the really nice position of being fine either way. If I'd been told that I had to stay another six months I would have loved it and carried on writing, hanging out with friends and having a very nice life, if I had to go home (which indeed I have had to do) I would love it and go back to my friends, family and see what the future holds (I still have no real idea what is going to happen). 
I will miss Australia and my friends but, without wishing to sound about 100 years old, technology has made things so much easier. Facebook, whatsapp, instagram - it's so much easier to dip in and out of people's lives without having to sit down and write a huge email or letter. Except to one friend who has decided she'd like to be pen pals. So there will still be proper letters going back and forth. 
But now I am back in the UK. I've rediscovered my house, been to a lovely wedding, had Christmas and now... bring on 2015