X Factor Jukebox Week - Results Show

Carrie Underwood is performing (I have her album) so is Sigma ft. Rita Ora ( I don’t have their albums). Caroline and Olly do a strange dance. I think it is an in joke. I’m fine being out of it.

Here come the judges. Rita looks normal. To compensate she is doing a ridiculous walk. Oh and while we’re not talking about it why is Bollie pronounced ‘Bow-lie’. Surely it should only have one L? Now the endless and pointless recap. Seriously just make the programme ten minutes long.

Group song! It’s Earth Song. Is this linked to the climate change talks? Or is it just appalling taste in music? I still can’t believe this song didn’t sort climate change.  Reggie and Bollie actually sing (just a line each) but it’s not awful. The contestants go in to the audience and start high fiving people. Oooh imagine high fiving an X Factor contestant. High five anyone, literally anyone, it’ll be the same.

Another recap.

Carrie Underwood performs. I love her but this  may not be her audience. Or from the sound of it, her song. She may have found it on the way in.

Random chat with the judges. Seriously just cut the show down. Simon has hiccups. That is the full link. Now Rita performs with Sigma. Is she wearing a tool belt? She can sing though. Could do without the fake ravers. Imagine the stage instructions – have fun! Now! More fun!

Adverts – Simon is giving away his own car? 

Results. Safe:

Ché – see all you needed to do was forget your words.

Louisa – Very happy

Reggie and Bollie – enough is enough.

I reckon Lauren will go. But first the sing off.

4^th Impact.

What’s the betting one of them will be wheeled on in an iron lung? But they don’t want to talk about it? Oh grief they’re singing ‘I’m telling you I’m not going’. You might not get a choice dears.

I’m distracted by a pair of cropped flares one of them is wearing. She looks like a hulk sailor mid transformation. One judge will say ‘THAT’S how you sing for survival’. I still long for the days of Janet Devlin retching her way through Mmmmbop.

Lauren next. She needs to hoik the crotch of her jump suit down. Still may help her with the high notes as she’s singing ‘Vision of Love’. Bloody hell, she really can sing. Let her stay. No repeat of this though 

Rita sends 4^th Impact home

Cheryl sends Lauren home

Nick sends 4^th Impact home.

Olly bodges up the rules again

Simon sends Lauren home.

Bloody deadlock again. Caroline does it to avoid Olly sacking Rita or something. 4^th Impact go home. See ya!