It's a double eviction again this week. I'm guessing they have to keep culling contestants to give more airtime to the endless recaps. One Direction and Jess Glynne are singing this week. No Cee-Lo Green but I guess we'll struggle on.
Here's the judges! Rita has forgotten her trousers. Everyone remembers their manners and no one mentions it.
Group song! It's 'What a Feeling' from Fame. What a weekend for premier gangsta rapper Mason Noise. Hold that head high Mason, sing your line from your heart. I'm fairly certain that Reggie and Bollie's mics are off. As they finish the song all the contestants congratulate one another. Monica looks sad. Some may think she doesn't want to go. I think it's more likely that she's having a terrible moment of clarity.
Recap. Read the previous post at half the speed you normally would.
Now Jess Glynne. Is wearing a suit and a bra back??? SOUND THE SPICE GIRL KLAXON.
Jess is carrying on bravely despite having come off worse in an argument with a chip pan. Nice enough song. Good voice. Not the most dynamic interviewee. Likes the word 'yeah'.
Then One Direction. Oh they are proper pop stars. I do like them. They also very clearly need some time off.
Now the results. It is explained in excruiating detail how this works. It's the 12th series.
Safe
Mason - Looks surprised and immediately says sorry
Laura - Screams
Ché - Eats lettuce and squeaks
Reggie and Bollie - I combust with rage and miss their reaction
Louisa - Goes bananas
4th Impact - Cry. One of them makes a lemsip
Max is immediately eliminated. He's as bland in going as he was in the competition. So it's Anton and Monica for the sing off. Anton is going to be insane.
Monica sings as her best bits play in the background. I have never heard the song she is singing. I may not be the target audience for this programme. She's very good. She also means every word - this is shown through squatting.
Anton is singing 'If you don't know me by now'. He is nowhere near as good as Monica. It is also insane. He is showing emotion through mumble shouting. This is when no word is identifiable but very loud.
So it goes to the judges.
Nick sends home Monica. For reasons unknown.
Rita sends home Anton
Cheryl sends home Anton
Olly interjects to explain the rules. Except he gets them wrong and it's all a bit awkward.
Simon sends home Monica so it goes to deadlock.
Except in Olly's mind Monica is going home and he has the microphone so he tells her goodbye. Caroline corrects him and Olly apologises non stop for five minutes.
Turns out he was right any how and Monica is going home. You're well out of it love.
Olly's turn in Headmasters office Monday morning.
Who is voting for Anton? Who?
Here's the judges! Rita has forgotten her trousers. Everyone remembers their manners and no one mentions it.
Group song! It's 'What a Feeling' from Fame. What a weekend for premier gangsta rapper Mason Noise. Hold that head high Mason, sing your line from your heart. I'm fairly certain that Reggie and Bollie's mics are off. As they finish the song all the contestants congratulate one another. Monica looks sad. Some may think she doesn't want to go. I think it's more likely that she's having a terrible moment of clarity.
Recap. Read the previous post at half the speed you normally would. Now Jess Glynne. Is wearing a suit and a bra back??? SOUND THE SPICE GIRL KLAXON.
Jess is carrying on bravely despite having come off worse in an argument with a chip pan. Nice enough song. Good voice. Not the most dynamic interviewee. Likes the word 'yeah'. Then One Direction. Oh they are proper pop stars. I do like them. They also very clearly need some time off.
Now the results. It is explained in excruiating detail how this works. It's the 12th series.
Safe
Mason - Looks surprised and immediately says sorry
Laura - Screams
Ché - Eats lettuce and squeaks
Reggie and Bollie - I combust with rage and miss their reaction
Louisa - Goes bananas
4th Impact - Cry. One of them makes a lemsip
Max is immediately eliminated. He's as bland in going as he was in the competition. So it's Anton and Monica for the sing off. Anton is going to be insane.
Monica sings as her best bits play in the background. I have never heard the song she is singing. I may not be the target audience for this programme. She's very good. She also means every word - this is shown through squatting.
Anton is singing 'If you don't know me by now'. He is nowhere near as good as Monica. It is also insane. He is showing emotion through mumble shouting. This is when no word is identifiable but very loud.
So it goes to the judges.
Nick sends home Monica. For reasons unknown.
Rita sends home Anton
Cheryl sends home Anton
Olly interjects to explain the rules. Except he gets them wrong and it's all a bit awkward.
Simon sends home Monica so it goes to deadlock.
Except in Olly's mind Monica is going home and he has the microphone so he tells her goodbye. Caroline corrects him and Olly apologises non stop for five minutes.
Turns out he was right any how and Monica is going home. You're well out of it love.
Olly's turn in Headmasters office Monday morning.
Who is voting for Anton? Who?
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